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Original poster

Please help me to feel less bitter!

220 replies

Bobbin2021 · 14/04/2021 13:25

My husband and I have good jobs and work really hard but are still struggling to be able to afford our dream home. Two bedrooms, a garden and parking. Not much I know but it seems impossible.
Today i've heard another friend who works part time and her husband have bought a two bedroomed home because her father gave her her half of the money. It comes after so many of my friends either have had parents buy property for them so they are mortgage free, or others whose husbands earn enough to secure the mortgage without them being in work (one in a position to buy a 800K house). I realise that some of them also have children so are busy looking after them but it just makes me bitter. No matter how hard we work and save we seem to be unable to find a small home and to others it seems to come so easy. Sorry to rant, and it pains me as i know i should be happy for my friends, but they just have no money worries at all when it comes to securing a mortgage and or paying for it while we would celebrate even being able to afford a small modest home of our own.

OP posts:
Ericaequites · 14/04/2021 16:13

A working definition of Hell would involve living with a partner and child in a studio apartment.

EL8888 · 14/04/2021 16:17

Being blunt but to get on the property ladder in most area of this country, these days then something dramatic is needed e.g. a large inheritance, high earning job, buying a wreck and / or moving to a cheaper area. It’s frustrating and so hard

We did the last 2. To get on the housing ladder we moved 1.5 hours from where we lived and bought a wreck of a house. We then spent numerous weekends and days off working on it, doing the stuff we could ourselves and saving up for the stuff we couldn't e.g. a new bathroom. We also couldn't afford £350+ for a 2 bedroom. Oh and l had 2 jobs

I think it's harder than it's ever been and it's annoying how people forget how hard getting on and moving up the ladder is. We are moving within area a and mum queries why we aren't moving to area b (an area she deems a lot naicer). Basically we would need another £50k and we don't have that. I think she forgets this move is already going to cost my fiancé and l about £80k

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 14/04/2021 16:19

What does a 2 bed flat in your area cost?

Could you buy a 1 bed flat that you don't live in? Keep it for a year or so, rent it out, get yourself on the ladder?

Dontcallmewifey · 14/04/2021 16:21

Yeah, sometimes I think the only way my kids will be able to buy is if I die youngish and they inherit my house. Tbh, given my family history its quite likely : ) So that's my financial planning for the kids sorted Grin

TimmyOnTheBrain · 14/04/2021 16:21

Could you purchase a buy to let in a cheaper part of the country and rent it out to cover the mortgage? In that way you could build up some equity. We're trying to persuade our DD to do this as she moves around with her freelance job so can't settle anywhere. Our other daughter married into a well off family who gave them 80k as a deposit. Sounds great, but DD now has interfering inlaws who stick their oar into everything. I did point out to DD that he who pays the piper calls the tune.

We have never had a penny given to us, and I'm happy that we've always paddled our own canoe and are beholden to no one.

m0therofdragons · 14/04/2021 16:30

We owned a house because we bought a tiny 2 up 2 down terrace with tiny courtyard and no parking. After 2 years we sold as it was worth £17k more than when we bought it and that was enough for our next step 3 bed family home (small garden and parking but no garage). We were there 11 years then moved to our 4 bed detached with lovely garden and garage. Our first house was the best we could afford rather than what we ideally wanted and we made it home. It was a stepping stone. The south east has high prices but there are cheaper houses if you compromise. The south east is a big place.

Oneeyeopen · 14/04/2021 16:32

We moved from a 4 bed home in a cheap area in 1985 when my dh got a job in London.
We had to double our mortgage for a tiny semi in a town which was the last stop on the tube.
We couldn't afford anything nearer
My dh had a 90min commute each way.
Its always been expensive to live in the SE.

But it gets worse every year.
We helped both our dc with deposits and they know they've been luckier than some.

m0therofdragons · 14/04/2021 16:36

£120k for 2 bed shared ownership scheme in Ashford, Kent (which has the fast train to London). No idea where you are as you won’t say but there’s 135 2-bed properties within 10 miles of Ashford in the south east for under £250k.

Please help me to feel less bitter!
Landofthefree · 14/04/2021 16:37

A 2 bedroom house isn’t an unreasonable expectation for a couple who both work, but things aren’t going to change any time soon. If you can do similar types of jobs in another city, it’s worth considering moving away to another region. I agree that it’s very difficult for most people to buy their first home now especially in the south east.

Floralnomad · 14/04/2021 16:43

You keep saying SE , but 400k for a 2 bed is not normal for the SE . I live in a nice area in the SE , probably an hour on the train to London and a house in our road recently sold for 385k and that was a 3 bed semi .

KetchupOnTheFloor · 14/04/2021 16:43

How about, just for being informed about other areas, looking at whoever is the higher earner's job in other areas? ie a relocation move.

Dh and I have lived in several places all because of his work. He is the main earner. Our last move further north made it possible for me to become a SAHM which was ideal as health wise I wasn't doing great juggling part time work and Ds1. Cheaper housing meant I could quit work and have Ds2 with no nursery costs.

Stop just looking at a commute, look at a whole move. £400k where I am in gets you a 4 bed detached house and near to several cities with huge job opportunities and amazing schools. There is a whole lot of country that isn't London or anything below Oxford. Just look, see what else is out there.

Crankley · 14/04/2021 16:44

I didn't read anywhere in your posts where you were putting in extra effort or going without things to save for what you want. When I wanted to buy I moved to a cheap shared flat, had a full time job but did bar work some nights and weekends, also had an antique stall on weekends. No car, no holidays, no big spending going out, basic food. You may not want to do any or all of those things but I achieved what I wanted by stint of effort.

My dream would have included having a garden but I bought what I could afford which didn't include one. You have to decide which is more important - owning a property or dreaming about it.

Bluntness100 · 14/04/2021 16:48

Where are you in the south east. You can even buy two beds in London for that price op.

Chewbecca · 14/04/2021 16:48

I'm SE too and a 2 bed in my road would cost £400k+.

But DSS is a low earner yet bought his first home just 3 miles away for £280k, a 2 bed house with garden and parking. Him and DDIL earn about £50k between them sand saved really hard for 3 years for the deposit.

Bluntness100 · 14/04/2021 16:54

@Chewbecca

I'm SE too and a 2 bed in my road would cost £400k+.

But DSS is a low earner yet bought his first home just 3 miles away for £280k, a 2 bed house with garden and parking. Him and DDIL earn about £50k between them sand saved really hard for 3 years for the deposit.

Where in the south east?
Itsmeagainandagain · 14/04/2021 16:55

I'm actually happy living in a council house, rent is reasonable so is council tax, if anything needs fixed or replaced council do it. I've looked up mortgages it takes 25 years to pay off a mortgage paying more money a month, and no job is a guarantee that length of time. So I'm happy with what I have, I'd love a bigger house but I'm not going to put myself into debt to get it and neither should you with your home. Your home is what you make it, it can be 2 bed pokey home or a 6 bedroom home but it's whose living in it and if you can fill it with laughter that counts...

WallaceinAnderland · 14/04/2021 16:55

@Bobbin2021

I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work.
For a first house, yes it's a luxury. My first house was a tiny 2 bed terrace, no garden, no allocated parking (I couldn't afford to run a car anyway), no heating, in a cheap town and furnished with second hand furniture. Bought aged 21. Second house was a bigger 3 bed terrace with garden, no allocated parking, in a different but still cheap town, bought aged 30. Third house is a 4 bed detached with garage and driveway parking, in a nice town, sought after area. Bought aged 40. It's called a housing ladder for a reason and you don't start on the top rung.

Lower your expectations and/or move to a cheaper area.

Confusedandshaken · 14/04/2021 17:02

I read over and over on here that prices are out of normal peoples reach and people can't afford to buy but the houses keep selling. We live in SE London and quite a few of DCs friends (ages 25-30 ish) have bought recently. Some are in well paid jobs, some have been helped by the bank of mum and dad, some on shared ownership, one girl has bought a 2 bed flat with a mate (with contracts very tightly drawn up).

I'm sure most of them haven't got their dream property in their dream area (I know my daughter hasn't) but they've made adjustments to their expectations to get on the housing ladder. There mortgages are less than the rent on a similar property and they have security.

If you can't afford a 2 bed home with a garden go for a one bed flat with a balcony. Compromise. The dream home will come.

If it's any comfort, it's always been like this. My first flat was minute with no outside space and I couldn't afford a cooker, washing machine, wardrobe or phone. I had a parking space but no car. Those things came later. A few years later I remember walking up a local road with DH when we were newly married (so about 1989/1990) and saying the same thing 'how can ordinary people afford to have these beautiful 3 bed semis with 2 nice cars outside when we are both in good jobs and we are living in a 2 up, 2 down with one old banger between us'. A 3 bed semi seemed like an unattainable dream. Roll on 30 years and we have a beautiful 4 bed detached house with 2 lovely cars and no mortgage.

Start small and work your way up.

Babygotblueyes · 14/04/2021 17:03

When I left uni and starting work, all my friends started to be able to buy flats because their parents gave them the money for a deposit, so they were not spending any more than I was on rent. My parents had not given me any money after age 16 when I started a saturday job and it was hard not to feel a bit bitter. It passed over time but it did seem to be a really big example of how unfair life can feel at times.

Xenia · 14/04/2021 17:08

My son bought in Chesham in Jan - 2 bed house with garden £350k (it is on the tube (just)) but outside the M25.

I haven't read right back up the thread but do we know if both in the couple work full time, if they have a child yet and what their salaries and jobs are?

theleafandnotthetree · 14/04/2021 17:13

@the80sweregreat

I did suggest to my two sons about buying something together, was met with negativity! I think it's a good idea myself , but they are not keen. It might be a way around some of their buying problems and get them out of my way too ! They do get on, but are chalk and cheese personality wise. Might have to try again.
Just because they don't own any property doesn't mean they have to live with you surely, what about house shares, bedsits, etc? Don't they want to move out and on with theur lives. Me and most people I know left home at 17 or 18 to go to college and never lived there full time again and most of us didn't get our first home until late 20s or early 30s.
Stellaris22 · 14/04/2021 17:14

If it's any comfort, it's always been like this.

It has not always been like this! Wages have stagnated while house prices continue to increase, it has not been affordable for many for decades now. Anyway who thinks that the housing market is unattainable for most now has no idea about the economy and the many things that are making it impossible for so many.

Try reading this www.theguardian.com/business/ng-interactive/2021/mar/31/uk-housing-crisis-how-did-owning-a-home-become-unaffordable

Stellaris22 · 14/04/2021 17:15

anyone who thinks the housing market isn't* unattainable, sorry.

ravenmum · 14/04/2021 17:15

@Bobbin2021

I'm sorry but i just don't believe that a two bedroomed home with a small garden/yard and parking should be seen as something that is so luxury and out of reach! I think in fact that it is a sad state of affairs in this country that something like this should be unattainable to two people who are both in full time work.
Why "in this country"? What you describe would be pretty unusual in other countries where people mainly rent flats.
the80sweregreat · 14/04/2021 17:23

I take the point that my two could move out of home, but neither have jobs that pay that well and would struggle to pay the bills on their own.
Ds2 is thinking of moving in with friends as he can wfh , but it's all down to costs and they might have to move further out to make it possible. He also has Uni debts to pay back too.
I know they will both move out eventually, but on your own it's hard and prices are ridiculous for rent or buy where we live.
If we lived in a cheaper part of the country it might be a bit more realistic for them.
Luckily we all get on ok, but it's hard for them.