Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can have a perfectly nice life as an only child?!

237 replies

GordonYaSelfishTwit · 10/04/2021 06:06

Am I the only 'only" who actually really enjoyed their childhood and has never once felt hard done by because I don't have a sibling?

I always see people talk about this as if it's really negative but I really liked being an only child (and I still do!).

My child has half siblings on their dad's side but if not, he'd be an only too! And he will likely grow up like one in day to day life as his siblings are quite a bit older. I don't feel guilty for not 'giving him a sibling'.

OP posts:
CloudFormations · 10/04/2021 06:10

My SIL is an only child and was always happy to be one. She never wanted siblings and has a very happy relationship with her parents.

Shoxfordian · 10/04/2021 06:10

I’m an only child as well and I had a great childhood, didn’t feel sad I don’t have siblings and reading some of the drama on here with them, I still don’t feel sad about it!

Givemeabreak88 · 10/04/2021 06:11

I think being an only child sounds nice , I was one of 6 and hated it, I'm not close to any of them of them either so just because you have siblings doesn't mean you will get on anyway.

UltraVioletRays · 10/04/2021 06:14

I feel like I missed out. Especially as an adult. Would have loved some siblings to be close to.

Givemeabreak88 · 10/04/2021 06:15

Even if you have siblings don't mean you will be close

Original poster
GordonYaSelfishTwit · 10/04/2021 06:19

Quite honestly, I look at my DSC and I really wouldn't say they enjoy having their sibling (they are close in age to each other). They just about tolerate each other most of the time and argue like you a lot.

I understand that may change when they get older but they quite often really seem to dislike each other and get very annoyed with the other one always being around.

My husband also doesn't speak to his brother now and they have a very problematic relationship which has caused him a great deal of upset.

I guess as these are my only firsthand insights into having siblings it just doesn't strike me as something I'm particularly bothered about 'missing out' on.

OP posts:
Fucket · 10/04/2021 06:20

I think in the last year with covid and schools being closed only children must have really suffered. But apart from that I can’t see under normal circumstances what difference it makes if you have plenty of playmates your own age.

I know parents did try to entertain their only children during lockdown, but it can’t be the same as going on a role-play adventure with your siblings. A lot of onlies I know relied heavily on tablets and social media for entertainment or and they are all KS2. What choice did they have?

But that’s not the fault of the parents but this government and their increasing lack of care for children’s well-being.

Original poster
GordonYaSelfishTwit · 10/04/2021 06:23

I know parents did try to entertain their only children during lockdown, but it can’t be the same as going on a role-play adventure with your siblings. A lot of onlies I know relied heavily on tablets and social media for entertainment or and they are all KS2. What choice did they have?

I guess this would have a lot to do with ages though. My DSC are similar in age (late primary/early secondary) and the last thing they'd want to do is actually play with each other. They also spent the majority of lockdown entertaining themselves on a screen because that's what they and all their friends just seem to do these days!

OP posts:
SaturdayRocks · 10/04/2021 06:25

Yes, I’m sure there are lots of only children who are perfectly happy about it. Just like there are plenty of people who don’t get on with their siblings.

My sibling experience is hugely positive, and I even timed the age gap between my two DC to be the same as between my DB and I. And they’re really good friends.

It’s actually my very non-scientific observation, i.e. amongst my friends and cousins, own children and their friends, that brothers and sisters are often closest in adulthood.

whiteroseredrose · 10/04/2021 06:25

I am in exactly the same situation as your DC. I am my DM's only child and lived with her growing up. My DF remarried and had more DC. He lived about 3 hours drive away so I saw him in the holidays.

Most of the time I liked being the only child and not having to share my DM. However there was a bit of pressure being the only one available to fulfil my DM's hopes of being a DGM! Our relationship was possibly too close when I was younger. She remarried when I was 14 fortunately to a man without DC.

All the responsibility for her/their future care falls to me, but that is also the situation for some of my friends who have full siblings that have opted out.

I do also have my much younger half siblings that I love very much. I have the advantage of not having actually grown up with them so didn't have some of the fallings out that they had growing up.

I feel that I have had the best of both worlds. Undivided attention from my DM but siblings with my DF.

I would say though that this is because my DStepF had no DC. It would have been a whole different ball game for me if my DM had tried to blend in other DC into my everyday home.

TheBlackTower · 10/04/2021 06:27

Absolutely love being an "only" - supported by the fact my parents encouraged friendships (so I never felt lonely) and also set firm boundaries/rules around manners, not being selfish, gratitude and thinking of others etc.

I also know that by being an only child I benefited from a standard of education and extra-curricular opportunities that my parents would have struggled to provide had they had more children.

Florin · 10/04/2021 06:27

My dh is an only child and loved it so much so he only wanted one (but would have had more if it was important to me). We have an only child and he has a fantastic life we can give him everything let him follow his passions give him all our time and quite frankly afford so much more for him which if we had more we just couldn’t. He goes to private school has expensive hobbies and millions of pets which he adores.
I agree lockdown was hard and we did rely on video chats and online games so he could chat with his friends however in normal times he absolutely loves it and has never asked for siblings. I have a very difficult relationship with my sibling so I don’t see a sibling as an automatic best friend. I have a friend who has 7 siblings and doesn’t speak to any of them!

Original poster
GordonYaSelfishTwit · 10/04/2021 06:29

All the responsibility for her/their future care falls to me, but that is also the situation for some of my friends who have full siblings that have opted out

Yes I've seen this too. Especially with my Dad. He is now caring for my Gran a lot. He does everything and yet he has 4 siblings who seem to do absolutely nothing. I think it's actually more frustrating knowing there are people who could help if they chose to but don't than just knowing it's only you.

OP posts:
bert3400 · 10/04/2021 06:31

I'm an Only and have mixed views on it. I think it made me very confident and independent, I love my own company - especially now I'm older. But I also love to be social, but when I feel like it . I am rubbish at conflict and arguments as I never had them with my non existent siblings. My over riding feeling is, I don't miss what I never had . I sometimes am envious of friends who have a close relationship with siblings but more than often it's actually quite toxic ....so that soon passes . What I would suggest when things are back to normal, get you DC to socialise outside the home as much as possible, not just with school, I did my socialing in the streets, playing around my home but I'm aware that doesn't happen now a days .

ThornAmongstRoses · 10/04/2021 06:32

I know three women without siblings and they all say they loved it as a child, for all the reasons we see on here when mothers explain the benefits of one, but that as adults they hate it and feel quite lonely.

Obviously not everyone feels this way, it’s just my experience of it.

Chillychangchoo · 10/04/2021 06:33

Glad you enjoyed it.

No point dwelling on things that never were or wondering how things might have been. If your parents provided a stable childhood on your own and you enjoyed it then great.

Me personally, I’m glad I have two siblings. A brother and a sister. I’m glad I’ve been able to share my whole life with them. They make my life so much richer for being in it. Same goes for my nieces and nephews. I love being an auntie.

Solasum · 10/04/2021 06:38

I'm an Only and have mixed views on it. I think it made me very confident and independent, I love my own company - especially now I'm older. But I also love to be social, but when I feel like it. I agree with this entirely.

Both XP and I are onlies and have an only. I honestly don’t know how bigger families cope with the constant level of noise that multiple children involve. After we have spent time with other families I am very ready for some peace, with no bickering etc.

DS was a bit lonely in 2020, and it is the only time I have felt sorry for him not having a sibling, but he found solace in books and now reads a lot, just like we both did as children. He goes to lots of activities in normal time, and because there is only one of him, he has the sole benefit of two sets of doting grandparents and we are able to do things with him we couldn’t do with more

olderthanyouthink · 10/04/2021 06:40

I'm not an only but my sibling has SN that mean we never had a normal sibling relationship but we played together a bit as kids. In adulthood, right now, I desperately wish I had a sibling I could share the load with after a really shit 6 months and I can't see how it's going to get any easier as I'm the only one to look after my mum, brother and childless uncle.

DP has siblings and they have a great relationship and can and do support each other

Original poster
GordonYaSelfishTwit · 10/04/2021 06:41

After we have spent time with other families I am very ready for some peace, with no bickering etc.

Yes I get like this too, I do need to have time on my own sometimes. It was quite a shock to the system when I met DH and my now DSC!

OP posts:
Eatingsoupwithafork · 10/04/2021 06:47

I hope so as my DD will definitely be an only!

IHateThinkingUpANewUsername · 10/04/2021 06:48

I love being an only; probably because I’m a classic only child who doesn’t like to share things (I.e my mum Blush ).
I’m pregnant now with my second and already feel guilty that neither child will have an only child relationship with me, and even worse for my first, she has that relationship now and it’s being taken away from her. My husband’s only sibling won’t be having children anytime soon and none of our friends have kids (we’ve had them relatively early) so because we wanted child1 to have family close in age, we had to produce it ourselves. Grin

I do also LOVE a squishy baby Blush

Florin · 10/04/2021 06:49

@GordonYaSelfishTwit

After we have spent time with other families I am very ready for some peace, with no bickering etc.

Yes I get like this too, I do need to have time on my own sometimes. It was quite a shock to the system when I met DH and my now DSC!

We are all like this too, love the peace and quiet when we get home. Have friends with 3 kids and the noise levels and general craziness is just overwhelming sometimes!
nancywhitehead · 10/04/2021 06:52

Of course you can.

Having siblings can be a blessing or a curse! You never know what you'll get. I think only children sometimes have the longing to know what it would be like to have siblings. But that doesn't mean they can't/ don't have a nice life without them - and possibly nicer than if they had had them!

It's just a "what if" and speculation the same as "what if I was rich" "what if I lived in a different country" etc etc.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/04/2021 06:54

I'm an only and was perfectly happy, never wished for siblings. I still don't now as an adult. I don't feel like I need to "look after" my mum, she has her own life. Technically I have 4 half siblings but they're my dad's other children and I'm NC with him so never had a relationship with them.

DS is also an only, he went through a phase of asking for a baby sister but I think it was the idea he liked more than the reality! Lockdown number one was a difficult period with an only child but he attended school the second lockdown which made a world of difference.

riromay · 10/04/2021 06:56

I didn't like being an only and I dread the day my parents die and have to deal with that by myself..

Swipe left for the next trending thread