To think you can have a perfectly nice life as an only child?!

[GordonYaSelfishTwit]

Am I the only 'only" who actually really enjoyed their childhood and has never once felt hard done by because I don't have a sibling?

I always see people talk about this as if it's really negative but I really liked being an only child (and I still do!).

My child has half siblings on their dad's side but if not, he'd be an only too! And he will likely grow up like one in day to day life as his siblings are quite a bit older. I don't feel guilty for not 'giving him a sibling'.

I'm and only child and I've always loved it. It never bothered me to not have siblings and I've always had a very close relationships with both of my parents. Although, as I've got older it does play on my mind a bit more. My Mom died 7 years ago, Dad didn't cope very well and I felt very isolated and lonely. Now my Dad is very unwell with cancer and everything falls on me. I don't mind, but again, this is something that I've felt very much alone in facing. It occurred to me that when my Dad dies I won't have anyone who remembers my home life growing up. I do have a cousin, who is also an only child, that I'm very close to, but she has the memory of a goldfish and doesn't recall much pre adulthood. I hate to bring money into the equation but being an only child did help me hugely, because when my Mum died I was able to get on the property ladder due to an inheritance. If I'd had siblings, this money would have been split and it probably wouldn't have been enough for two house deposits. My DD is an only child as we won't be having more children, so I obviously didn't think it was bad for me but I have started to get concerned about how it will affect her as an adult.

I liked being an only child.

My parents put a lot of effort into making sure I had lots of friends and socialising. Crèche and pre-school even though childcare wasn’t needed, groups and activities and very welcoming to friends coming round.

I had very sisterly friendships with girls who were also only children or had a very big age gap with a brother. This has been a pattern I’ve noticed has continued, friends with people with siblings, but especially close to other only children.

I also had a dog which I joke that as much as I liked the idea of a sister I wouldn’t have swapped him one and have always had pets since.

I do envy people with siblings they are close to in adulthood but not the horrors I’ve heard or disputes over care or wills.

I’ve got a few friends who were only children and to be honest as adults they now seem far happier and better at making friends than I am. Don’t know how they felt about it growing up.

I had a friend at school who was (and still is) an only child. She was perfectly happy and still is. Never had any desire for a sibling.

I am one of 3 and have always been close to my older brother but sadly, never close to my younger sister and tbh, she was quite nasty when we were living at home. So siblings don't necessarily mean you will have a good relationship with them.

My son is only 7 but he seems very happy as an only child. He has never asked for a sibling and when I mentioned it last year, he said he was happy with our family as it is. He has lots of friends at school and outside. Does activities out of school (normally!). I teach so we have school holidays off together and do lots of things.

There will be only children who weren't/aren't happy but there will be people with siblings who weren't/aren't happy either.

@ShadierThanaPalmTree

Reading with interest as I have an only child. I desperately don't want to have another. I don't want to go through the pregnancy, labour and new born stage again. Financially I would struggle and I would need to move to a bigger house. But I feel so pressured to have another one so that my DD has a sibling.

Same here, we have a 15m old and have decided to leave the decision open but at the moment are not planning to have any more. We feel we'd be having another to give our first a sibling and also I guess because of societal norms and pressure. But we go with the feelings that we are better parents if we arent stretched too thinly, financially, emotionally and time. And I also think id rather regret the child I didnt have than regret the child i did. I also know that id regret it if the 2nd was much harder or had additional needs and I feel that if we arent ready to accept all of the possibilities then we arent ready for a 2nd. there are lots of advantages for both parents and child for having an only but as with everything else its what you make of it. We can do much more with just one, financially yes but also more importantly with time.

I am the eldest of 5 and although I get on with them all now, we all fought growing up and I'm only really close with one now. even then, i am closer to my closest friend than my sister. i also used to feel pushed out when new babies came along. my husband is eldest of 3 and he has a toxic family background, no contact with one sister and variable with the other.

I always liked being an ‘only’. I had a lovely childhood from that point of view.
DD(14) tell me she likes it too. She has friends with siblings and all she sees from them is stress and arguments so I suppose to her she feels like she dodged a bullet.

My DH is an only and I'm one of 5. DH had a lovely childhood with lots of material privilege, activities and holidays that my mother (widowed young) couldn't afford. However, as the sole focus of his parents, DH has lived with the Fog (fear, obligation and guilt) all his life. They are very demanding, and now in old age and ill health DH is constantly stressed out trying to support them.

I had, and have, none of that guilt as my DM hardly registered my existence as a child (I'm number 4). We had a chaotic and impoverished childhood and I wouldn't say I'm close to any of my siblings, but we get on fine and have lots of 'in' jokes when we do get together. One even works for us and DH is closer to them than I am. We're very close to my 2 nephews and 1 neice and DH likes that he's now part of a big family and loves being an uncle. It's interesting however that 2 of the 5 of us siblings chose not to have any children and one had an only.

We stopped at 2 DC. In fact DC2 wasn't planned. They weren't particularly close as children (5 year age gap) but they have a lovely relationship now as adults, and I'm glad we had 2 and that they have each other.

@Sooverthis1 the posts I’ve read and the post I made myself are just stating people’s experience of when siblings hasn’t matched the perfect life that is painted by many. Or the reasons people use that you should have multiples. It’s great that you’re kids get on really well but that isn’t always the case and still might not be the case as they get older. When siblings don’t get on, it’s painted as a failure of the parents rather than a personality clash.

It may not be a competition but there is an accepted choice and one which is challenged.

I’m a only and childhood was good.

I do now envy people who have good relationships with there siblings as adults but I know so many who just don’t get along or don’t bother aswell.

People were always going on about how only children are spoilt and selfish. I was not spoilt with “stuff”, although I had my parents full attention. Also I was too good at sharing and was often too nice as a child and teen and was a walkover.

So now as an adult I have no family (bar an aunty and uncle miles away who I haven’t seen for 3 years) so will try and stay close to my parents as they age. On the flip side though a I have 3 children 😆

I really hope DD9 is happy as an only child, she certainly says she is and has always said she doesn’t want siblings. Both me and her dad are single and neither of us want more kids even if we were to meet someone (he’s 41 and very career driven, I’m 32 and just don’t want more kids). Her being an only child has meant that within reason we’ve always had the money to provide everything she could possibly want and need, she’ll be supported through uni if she wants to go, with driving lessons and a car when the time comes and possibly even help with a house deposit. If either of us had more children obviously that pot would be split and she wouldn’t have the same lifestyle

@InTheNightWeWillWish

I have genuinely never heard anyone speak negatively of only children so I think there's some projection here.

You’ve never heard when someone is being selfish, that someone mutters ‘bet they’re an only child’ or ‘typical only child’? You’ve never heard someone pressure the parents of an only child to have more children because ‘you don’t want them to be selfish’? It’s not a projection but you might just be blind to the stigma that only children face. Only children are often seen and as spoilt brats that are selfish, unable to work with others and unable to see anyone else’s point of view. My mum was questioned so much about why she was doing things because she was ‘spoiling’ me. Things like taking me to the museum or little days out and being allowed £2 to spend in the gift shop after. In later life, when you are capable of working with other people, people are then surprised you’re an only child. Just because you aren’t noticing it, it doesn’t mean those negative views of only children aren’t there.

The most selfish person I know is my DH’s brother.

the most selfish person I know is DHs sister, she is the youngest of 3 and she is so ridiculously entitled, spoilt and selfish it is unbelievable. I actually saw her throw a tantrum about a yoghurt at age 27

I’m an only, childhood was ok - was able to do most things I wanted to but I was just dumped on other people by my parents when they fancied going away which I don’t think they’d have been able to do if I’d had a sibling. As an adult being an only sucks, especially as my DM is widowed so there is only me to deal with her.

I'm an only child & an only grandchild so I didn't even have cousins growing up. Honestly never bothered me. DH is a twin and currently on his 5th year of no contact with BIL.

@Bagelsandbrie

I am an only and loved being an only. In fact I distinctly remember my Mum suggesting she might have another baby when I was about 5 and it feeling like it was the absolute end of the world. For various reasons it never happened (not because of me I might add!) I loved being alone and played imaginary games all day and actually chose to play by myself a lot at school. The only downside perhaps is that as an adult now aged 40 I realise I don’t really understand other people very well. I am not good at making friends or keeping them. And I’m not that bothered about it really but it’s just something I’m aware of. I don’t understand social rules and can’t stand any arguing as it’s never something I had to do with anyone growing up.

my DHs sister doesn't really have any social skills, no empathy, hasn't really got many or even any friends and has never had a long term relationship. she is 34 and was the middle of 3. there is a definite stigma though, my 2 closest friends growing up were both only children and I remember my parents (who had 5) always made the comment "oh its probably because she's an only child" if I had any complaints.

I'm an only and had a happy childhood. I had friends and never wished for siblings. I've always been able to entertain myself, and now I'm 61 and still perfectly happy with not having siblings. My DM was also an only.

Ah thanks OP - this is a nice post to read following on from the torrent of abuse towards parents of “onlies” yesterday, it’s been lovely to read some of your positive stories this morning 😊

I hated being an only and still do as an adult.
It also put a lot of pressure on us to ensure our firstborn had siblings as I cannot imagine having no aunts, uncles, cousins, any family at all, as an adult. I accept the reasoning that they may not get on with any of them but the thought of them being entirely alone filled me with dread.

@Jabba2020

I hated being an only and still do as an adult. It also put a lot of pressure on us to ensure our firstborn had siblings as I cannot imagine having no aunts, uncles, cousins, any family at all, as an adult. I accept the reasoning that they may not get on with any of them but the thought of them being entirely alone filled me with dread.

Why would they be "entirely alone?" They might grow up and have a partner of their own, children, friends. That's not "alone." I'm an only with an only and he has cousins and an uncle.

I think DD9 would love siblings in her generation. Covid year has been bad, nonetheless, she has adapted and been fine. I think it's me that was feeling guilt. She just got on with it. Yes she was bored, but weren't we all?

She does actually have 2 half brothers, mid to late 20s. They spend hours and hours playing online with her, which has been great. She worries they won't be as interested if they have children though.

My DH is an only and he absolutely loved having no siblings growing up, but his DPs (divorced for 30 years) have separately been in a lot of trouble these past 3 years and have relied heavily on him, for his time and money. It has been a huge burden for my DH and I think he would have given anything to have a sibling to carry some of the burden. I have a DB, 5 years older, we hated each other growing up, horrible physical fights..just awful and now we adore each other. We always have pant wetting laughter when we see each other. I have 2 DSs (9 and 11)and they rarely get on, they would love to be onlies.

@Waxonwaxoff0
They may well meet someone with a large family and not feel alone but its not a given. We were 2 onlys so our firstborn had no aunts or uncles.

Of course you can but not everyone is. My mum was perfect content as an only as a child but really regretted it in later life. But it's up to parents how many children they have (and sometimes not even that).

I'm also 1 of 3, and while my siblings are great, I live by my 3 parents and gave had to deal with them and Covid alone, especially when they were shielding and needed shopping, perceptions, while juggling work and homeschooling. I can see I'll be doing all the aging parents stuff alone as I am here.

Lots of typos but you get my drift.

This is a good thread for me, I have a 2 and half year old and have always wanted more and have loved the thought of a big family but, I’ve found dealing with one child so hard so far I don’t think I can go through this again. I worry about DS not having any siblings as I know so many single siblings say they wish they had brothers or sisters but then I look around me, mums an only child but my dad doesn’t get on with his brother, I don’t get on with my brother, my partner, although speaks to his brother now, didn’t speak for YEARS. So it’s quite reassuring to know lots of you are/ were happy as an only child.