To think you can have a perfectly nice life as an only child?!

[GordonYaSelfishTwit]

Am I the only 'only" who actually really enjoyed their childhood and has never once felt hard done by because I don't have a sibling?

I always see people talk about this as if it's really negative but I really liked being an only child (and I still do!).

My child has half siblings on their dad's side but if not, he'd be an only too! And he will likely grow up like one in day to day life as his siblings are quite a bit older. I don't feel guilty for not 'giving him a sibling'.

As a child I would have loved to be an only. As an adult my siblings are the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.

It definitely suits some kids more than others. My younger foster son would thrive as an only child I’m sure but the hand he’s been dealt is to live with an older brother and a younger foster sibling. If it was just him I’m sure half the behaviour issues he has would disappear.

@Nataliafalka

Spot on.
I mean if you could snap shot me and my siblings as kids it would be the equivalent of spectating frequent wrestling matches 🤣. I would have loved nothing more than all my mums attention and a room of my own.

Tbh I couldn’t imagine life without my brother and sister now, I get tearful at the thought.

the NCT friend whose preschooler is having behavioural therapy because his younger sibling was born profoundly disabled and he’s not coping

That's another issue - as my son was healthy and NT I decided to quit while I was ahead.

As for missing out on a relationship, you don't miss what you don't know.

And I never had the pain of a miscarriage - I was lucky to conceive easily and - as above - quit while I was ahead. I had a friend with two boys whose baby girl was stillborn at 37 weeks. I always thought she would have saved herself that pain if she'd stopped after the boys. She did go on to have a healthy daughter in the end though.

I had a friend with two boys whose baby girl was stillborn at 37 weeks. I always thought she would have saved herself that pain if she'd stopped after the boys.

This is an absolutely awful thing to say and I really hope you've never given her even the slightest hint that you think this.

My Mum thought she hated being an only child so had the 3 of us pretty close together. She had not the slightest idea about how to deal with siblings so created 3 seperate beings that fought a lot.

I don't think being an only or one of a few makes any difference - we're all just products of our upbringing and either deviate from what's expected from us or stay with what we know.

I'm an only child and bloody love it! When I was a kid I used to pity my friends with siblings.

I was always happy being an only child, never longed for a sibling or anything really (until my dad died but still wouldn't really want one)

I'm an only child . I'm 57. I've recently discovered a sibling but by the time I'd found him, he had died.
I was ever so lonely as a child and I struggled to form friendships as I didn't understand the etiquette surrounding friendships. I kept either going too far, not understanding boundaries or was withdrawn.
I wish I'd grown up with someone else.
At my stage of life, I'm struggling to help my elderly mum and I had to cope with my father's death alone. Yes I had my husband and children but it's hard to explain how alone you can feel .
I'm so glad that I have two children and it's wonderful to see their very close relationship together.
I hated being alone with no one to moan about my fathers violent alcoholism, my mothers subservience or to even have a moan or joke with.
Even just to share about day to day life .

I was ever so lonely as a child and I struggled to form friendships as I didn't understand the etiquette surrounding friendships. I kept either going too far, not understanding boundaries or was withdrawn.

In the nicest possible way, @1Morewineplease, this probably had nothing to do with you being an only child. I had a sibling, close in age, and I was as socially awkward as they come. My only child dd has far better social skills than I was ever able to muster.

The thing is, when an only child is selfish, lacking in social skills, or whatever, this is frequently assumed to be a result of their only child status - often by the only children themselves as well as by other people around them. When kids with siblings have the same traits, it is assumed to be because of personality or parenting instead.

Of course, your regret at not having a sibling is entirely valid; clearly, being an only child isn't a happy experience for everyone, any more than growing up with siblings is. The truth is, you will never know how your life would have been different with siblings, just as I will never know what mine would have been like without.

I liked being an only child and had lots of friends.

But as I get older I wish I had a sibling. Both parents are very reliant on me and there is no one else to help out with care etc

My daughters an only child she was lonely in the lockdown shes an only because she didnt sleep one night in 6years so it's her own fault 🤣

But as I get older I wish I had a sibling. Both parents are very reliant on me and there is no one else to help out with care etc

I totally understand that @Willow79. That's my biggest fear for dd, and I'm trying to plan ahead with this in mind. However, it's also exactly the same situation that I'm in, despite having a sibling - my parents are very reliant on me, and there is nobody to help at all. Sometimes, it's just the way things work out.

@AlexaShutUp

I was ever so lonely as a child and I struggled to form friendships as I didn't understand the etiquette surrounding friendships. I kept either going too far, not understanding boundaries or was withdrawn.

In the nicest possible way, @1Morewineplease, this probably had nothing to do with you being an only child. I had a sibling, close in age, and I was as socially awkward as they come. My only child dd has far better social skills than I was ever able to muster.

The thing is, when an only child is selfish, lacking in social skills, or whatever, this is frequently assumed to be a result of their only child status - often by the only children themselves as well as by other people around them. When kids with siblings have the same traits, it is assumed to be because of personality or parenting instead.

Of course, your regret at not having a sibling is entirely valid; clearly, being an only child isn't a happy experience for everyone, any more than growing up with siblings is. The truth is, you will never know how your life would have been different with siblings, just as I will never know what mine would have been like without.

At the expense of outing myself, I had a step sister who lived in a ‘mental institution’ ( as they were called in the 60s. I visited her often but had no bond with her as her difficulties were most profound.

I appreciate what you say but I only speak from experience.
I was lonely, retreated into my imaginary world and found it hard to form friendships until much later than most children.

But as I get older I wish I had a sibling. Both parents are very reliant on me and there is no one else to help out with care etc

On the other hand you can have a sibling who.does nothing to help like my brother so the care of my ageing father is left to me. Indeed there are no guarantees

In our family it was very much one sibling who took the reins after dad died and mum went doo-Lally.

I was the only child in a family of old people. By the time I hit 40 pretty much everyone from my childhood was dead. Nobody else shared any of my experiences and that's isolating but weirdly makes me wonder if it happened and whether my past us just a story I've made up. I hate having no witnesses to the first 20years if my life.

This is exactly why I'm so worried for my DS. We can't have another child and i'm trying to accept it but this sort of thing scares me for his future.

Siblings really aren't all that - I'm 58 and I don't, won't speak to them anymore - and yes, that is a bit sad.

Too many times I've heard "but I'm your sister" and forgiven deeds that I wouldn't countenanance from others. I'd rather it was different but it isn't.

DS is an only, with some older halfs who he/we remain in contact with - I get on well with their Mum too.

There really isn't a right or wrong, better or worse about this, as we grow up we're given what we're given and take it from there.

I'm heartened by all the happy only children on this thread! We have one DC, and would have loved more, but 8 rounds of IVF and 6 miscarriages later we think we'll just be content with the one. Luckily for us we have the best, most wonderful DC that anyone has ever had (with the exception of Mary the mother of Jesus, I suppose).

We will do out utmost to make sure he's not lonely, plenty of playdates, and he has cousins close in age so I hope they will support each other as we get older. We have plenty of money so can afford care etc.

My friend has 1 so alot pressure on him when his mum unwell MS. But I agree no guarantee in families the load will be shared. It must be nice being an only no drama with adult siblings !!

I'm an only. Very self reliant as a child. Always making things out of cardboard boxes and drawing and painting. Self reliant as an adult too. Very rarely bored. BUT I have found the death of my parents so very very hard. No one to share the memories and no effective support because other people just don't get it. I have a life threatening illness now and I tear up every time I have to complete a form and I can't think of a next of kin.

I'm glad you've started this thread.Ds is a only and I'm sick of feeling like I'm fucking him up by not giving him siblings

@shiningcuckoo.. I'm so sorry to hear this.

@BrownEyedGirl80.. i feel the same. The guilt is suffocating. I wish so much things had turned out differently. All we can do now is support him and hope he finds a loving partner

@GordonYaSelfishTwit.. this is a brilliant thread. I've got as far as page 5 and was wondering whether I should have done a tally of those who with positive sibling experiences/relationships and those with negative. It would be really interesting.
I reckon from memory so far the split is around 30% negative and 70% positive.

Also I agree about the negativity surrounding only children. My family are awful for this.. every little bad thing is down to the fact DS is an only child and automatically my fault

I'm an only and people often comment on it saying "oh you dont seem like an only child!". I'm not quite sure what that means but a combo of being an only and my mum needing to go back to work and putting me in nursery at a young age, I do think has given me pretty good adaptability and social skills that some people who grew up playing only with siblings who had to tolerate them whether they liked it or not, sometimes (obviously not always) lack. Being an only means you need to develop social skills early as noone is obliged to play with you, so you have to build friendships and nurture them properly. Personally, I think theres a lot to be said for it...