To ask why you had more than one child?

[HarleyQuinn21]

Hello,

I'm only posting here for traffic but my baby is 10 weeks old so it may be all the hormones but I'm thinking I'd quite like another one and it just got me thinking about other families so if you don't mind answering why did you have more than one child? Was it planned or not? What were the age gaps between your children and how did you find it, would you recommend the same age gap? How did you find going from one child to two? And what are your personal pros and cons to having more than one child?

I tend to overthink and want to be prepared before making any solid decisions plus I can't sleep so thought it's be an interesting nearly 4am thread.

I definitely wanted another. The morbid reason was that I didn't want to have only one child who would then be alone when DH and I die. I thought of DD1 managing our funerals and grieving alone and that did it.

The other reason was so she would have a playmate...

Going from one to two was fine because DD1 started nursery as DD2 was born.

I don't have any cons...it's all pros for me. They love one another. They're 16 and 13 now and get on well.

@FortunesFave

I definitely wanted another. The morbid reason was that I didn't want to have only one child who would then be alone when DH and I die. I thought of DD1 managing our funerals and grieving alone and that did it.

The other reason was so she would have a playmate...

Going from one to two was fine because DD1 started nursery as DD2 was born.

I don't have any cons...it's all pros for me. They love one another. They're 16 and 13 now and get on well.

Honestly that's part of my reason to suddenly wanting another, my dad recently died and I'm an only child and it's so hard and lonely that I don't want my little boy going through that alone when the time comes and then I thought of similar reasons like him having a playmate and someone to entertain etc, aw I'm glad they get on well.

I have Dd 22 months and newborn baby.

I have two because after fifteen years we were told we wouldn't have children for unexplained reasons. Many, many loses, plus failed IVF.

I fell pregnant with Dd and carried, planned section, consultant led and delivered by our consultant herself. Given that it had taken fifteen years to get to that stage we were then not using contraception and along came second. I fully expected to miscarry and here she is. So not planned but very much awaited.

The age gap is small, two under two. I feel old, nearly 40. Second pregnancy was text book, with another planned section. All our friends have much older children, so friendship has suffered for me.

I've found it really hard, lonely. However that's probably more lockdown than anything else.

They are both wonderful, but it's tiring just now. It's 4am and I'm up. Toddler wont understand that and there will be no nap with baby snuggles for me.

I'm hoping it gets easier as they grow and that they are close. Toddler not really interested just now.

Because DH said I could have a dog for every child. I have two of each.

because i had sex and don't agree with abortion, 3 under 3. first planned, second while full time breast feeding and third with a coil in place...had my tubes tied before i got pregnant again.

I have four kids. Generally I like them (though man the teen years can stink) but I also think that generally it is good for kids to have siblings. There is something about the life of a larger family where people have to accommodate each other and share and sometimes do without extras that I think it good, I think the ability to escape the parental gaze is good, and I think it's good to have siblings to share the load of parental care in the later years.

Of course these things don't always pan out but they do fairly often.

I had all three of my children because I had an all encompassing desire to. Like one day I woke up and it was all I could think about, all I could concentrate on.

For context I already had a 7 year old stepson when my twins were born, youngest son was born just before they turned three. I had no fertility issues.

I have two, I was determined to have another for the same reasons as FortunesFave. My mum is an only child and always wished she had a sibling.

Our gap is about 2.5 years, it would have been smaller but my eldest was a terrible sleeper at 18 months and we couldn't face adding a newborn!

My two don't always get along, they're quite different, but I've never regretted it.

I knew I wanted another after DD1 was born but we couldn't have afforded two sets of nursery fees so we waited til she was older. I wanted a sibling for her because I had a shit childhood and having my sister with me made a huge difference to me, we're still close now. I wanted DD to experience that relationship.

I used to think I wanted two. My son is 4 months and I actually think I would be happy with one. I just can’t imagine loving another baby as much as I love him. He’s also such an easy baby - sleeps through, eats well, happy as a clam - that I’m worried I wouldn’t cope with a trickier one.

It’s early days though - could all change!

I am an only child, so have always known I'd have at least 2 DC.

Coming from an only child, PLEASE have a sibling for your DC. It’s the only thing I ever asked for every Christmas and every Birthday. When the time is right for me to have children I have already discussed with my DP that one child is not in the plan and I would do everything in my power to have more than one.

I’m not saying I was sad or lonely as an only child, I am very outgoing, great at forging relationships and can make friends in an empty room as an adult - but there’s something about a sibling that I still wish so much I had.

I just can’t imagine loving another baby as much as I love him.

Well I've heard a number of Mothers say this...funny that I never had that thought at all. But if it makes any difference, you just do love the next one as much...your love isn't finite. The thing to remember though is that they're individuals so while you love them the same amount, you have a different relationship with each child.

A special, individual relationship that nobody else has.

I wouldn’t have another child just so they have a sibling. I’m one of three. Three year and 6 year gap between siblings. We have never really got on, as children never really played together, and as adults we rarely see or contact each other.

I have a 21 mths gap between my two DS’. I knew I wanted another baby by the time my first DS was 4mths old. I was pregnant by the time he was 1. The best thing ever to a close gap, hard work initially of course, but no regrets at all. My two are 19 & 18 now and the very best of friends.

I have 2. 22 month gap. They’re 4 and 2 now. We had two without thinking too much honestly. Both dh and I have a sibling and I’d always imagined having two kids. Got pregnant very quickly the second time which is why the small age gap.

It’s been incredibly hard though. Much much harder than I’d thought. It became apparent that dd1 was autistic and dd2 is a shit sleeper so I’ve had a lot on over the past year. However, they are great together and that is lovely. They get cross about sharing but they also help each other when upset, give sister hugs and a generally very loving!

* I am an only child, so have always known I'd have at least 2 DC.*

^Me too. I wouldn’t wish being an only child on anyone.

We currently only have 1. I go to and from having a second.

My driving factor to have one is so that DD has someone else. A playmate, a friend when they are older (hopefully) and is not in her own if something happens to us.

However right not she is 4, starting school in September and I like my life. I want to work at my job and not have to take time off. I want some freedom. She was a complete surprise and I know that if I didn't have her right now I wouldn't be ready for kids. I have time (I'm 30) but I worry about too big of an age gap, however as much as I love her I feel like I have sacrificed so much already and I want some time for me.

So they wouldn’t be lonely, so they’d have a friend. They don’t get on at ALL, and although they’re little still... unless something changes dramatically, they won’t be close adults.
Which is why we had a third! They both love the third. And now they both have another to maybe be close to. So that was why but it didn’t work.

I would have liked two but could only afford one. I was a single parent and having two would have meant poverty, with one we could have a good life.
I never found a man who I thought would be a good role model for my children.
I have two siblings whom I love but they both emigrated breaking my heart so basically I'm alone.

Currently only have the one (19mo), but actively trying for a second now. I'm eldest of 5, and DH is eldest of 2. We like our respective sibling(s). I think we've always said children and kids when discussing. Plural. Never singular. I don't know about DH, but my little family doesn't feel fully complete yet.

My main driving factor atm is that I have fertility issues. It took 3 long gruelling years to conceive DD, I'm not getting any younger, and I don't want too big or too small of an age gap. 2-3 years sounds just right. Also, I'm 35 this year, and I'd like the option of potentially having a third before I'm 40

I love my siblings and come from a huge family so having an only child was never even an option. I always feel sorry for only children it always looks so lonely. I also didn’t want my son to be alone when me and his dad pass on. I have a 2 year age gap and I’m pregnant with 3rd which will have another 2 year age gap. I find the 2 year gap good as a 2 year old doesn’t have the same emotions as a 3 year old so are more accepting of bee arrival I find. My friends with 3 year age gap are struggling with the 3 year olds behaviour when they have a new born where as mine were young enough just to ignore the new baby. I found going from 0 to 1 baby much harder than 1 to 2 babies as you go from being pretty selfish and being able to do what you want to your whole life changing, with your second your life is already different and sleep deprived so it’s not so much of a shock. Congratulations on your new baby!

Loved the experience with my first, from a bigger family myself and DH and I both have good relationships with siblings, got broody . Always knew we would never stop at 1. We thought we wanted 3 but I've had miscarriage and pregnancy issues so a third is not going to happen.
For me there have been no cons so far, 2 is easier than 1.

I have two. 25 months between them which was exactly as we planned. Me and DH always said we wanted two.
I love seeing them together. I have two siblings and we have similar gaps between our ages. I'm very close to them. My DH also has two siblings.
They are 2 & 4 at the moment and I feel like our little family is complete. They don't have to 'share' any love.
On a practical note, in a similar way to others, I didn't want an only child to be lonely or deal with things like grieving/bereavement alone in the future. ( I'm aware that I can't guarantee they will be close for their whole lives, but they do have two good role model familys)

DH and I were both one of four, so I think it was always a given we would have more than one. My family are very close, DHs less so. But as an outsider looking in, I actually think sibling rivalry was encouraged in his family TBH.

After DC1 was born, we were dead set against having another. He was a difficult baby and we both struggled to adapt to parenting. By the time he was 12 months old it got easier and we decided on another. Definitely worth the gamble. There is a two year age gap. It was hard when they were younger, but the baby stage with my youngest was much easier than eldest. Now they are older it's great. They are close. They do fight. They have similar interests and their own interests. I recently lost a sibling, so I do make a bit of a point of stressing the importance of family onto my kids.