Page 2 | To ask why you had more than one child?

HarleyQuinn21 · 2021-04-09T02:39:33+00:00

Hello, I'm only posting here for traffic but my baby is 10 weeks old so it may be all the hormones but I'm thinking I'd quite like another one and it just got me thinking about other families so if you don't mind answering why did you have more than one child? Was it planned or not? What were the age gaps between your children and how did you find it, would you recommend the same age gap? How did you find going from one child to two? And what are your personal pros and cons to having more than one child? I tend to overthink and want to be prepared before making any solid decisions plus I can't sleep so thought it's be an interesting nearly 4am thread.

user1493413286 · 09/04/2021 07:09

I always wanted 2 as I wanted my DC to have a sibling to grow up with and as an adult. I lost my dad in my early 20s and really relied on my sister during that time and are very close.I hope my DC will be close and there for each other as adults but I know you can’t guarantee anything
When DD was a baby I thought maybe we’ll just have 1 as I had a difficult time then when she was about 20 months I just felt an unstoppable urge to have another. We had to wait a few months due to job and house logistics and the age gap is just under 3 years.
I would say that for me going from 1 to 2 was easier than 0 to 1 as my life was already set up around DD. I found that age gap perfect as DD was more independent by that age and going to nursery etc. It’s hard to go back to the beginning when you’re just starting to get a bit of time back etc but my DS is now a year old and I feel we’re coming out of the baby bit and I’m enjoying it more and more.

WalkingMeAway · 09/04/2021 07:10

I had my first during my first marriage and was quite sure I didn't want any more. I had a very bad pregnancy

I then separated from my exH, met and married DH and he didn't have children so we agreed on one. I'm currently 27w pregnant with my third, our second, which was unplanned but we were undecided on another and very happy, once the shock wore off !

cptartapp · 09/04/2021 07:10

I wasn't really broody for another and found one child hard, but didn't want them to be an only or be the complete sole focus of our attention, hopes and dreams.
Having DC two was the right decision and watching them growing up together (now teens) has been the single best part of parenting.
Same gender though and two years apart so they get on pretty well and holidays, days out etc have been easy to accommodate both of them.

babypinkelephant · 09/04/2021 07:11

@pixietinkdust

Coming from an only child, PLEASE have a sibling for your DC. It’s the only thing I ever asked for every Christmas and every Birthday. When the time is right for me to have children I have already discussed with my DP that one child is not in the plan and I would do everything in my power to have more than one.

I’m not saying I was sad or lonely as an only child, I am very outgoing, great at forging relationships and can make friends in an empty room as an adult - but there’s something about a sibling that I still wish so much I had.

Just curious what if your parents couldn't afford another child or risked loosing everything to have another one, would that have changed your mind or view?

Genuinely asking as my husband are I are in that situation

Bythemillpond · 09/04/2021 07:12

I grew up an only child. I have a sister but the age gap was so wide that she never really felt like a sister

I wanted to have more than one child but close in age.
Dd and ds are and always have been very close. It is what I missed growing up

RBKB · 09/04/2021 07:14

I set about getting pregnant again asap because although I have brothers, I was the only child in my house from babyhood and it was crap. For a few reasons...but it always felt like adult space. My family does not feel that way...having more kids shifted the balance and I like that...it's their space, it's a place for young adults (and was a kids space throughout their childhood). And yes they fought, but now at 20/21 they have a real bond.

BLTLover · 09/04/2021 07:15

Well this makes a single mum of 35 to 1 with fertility issues feel like shite.

noideabutstilltrying · 09/04/2021 07:16

I only ever wanted one child. I took a while to conceive and I hated how I felt at that time and I didn't want to go back to feeling that way.

My husband felt that he'd always seen himself with 2 children and could be a good dad to 2. After a lot of convincing from him we decided to try and I fell pregnant very quickly.

There is a 3 year gap between my son and daughter. They get on very well and there are very few arguments between them.

Unfortunately, my husband didn't cope as well with family life and not having his freedom and left 2 years ago.

On the one hand I wish I stood firm on how I felt. On the other I'm glad the children have had each other during a pretty rough time.

rosegoldivy · 09/04/2021 07:16

I knew I always wanted two. Absolutely adored DD as a baby, we decided to wait a few years before trying again. Fell pregnant on the pill.... With twins. 5 weeks to go before we have 3 under 2.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 09/04/2021 07:17

Because my husband was terminally ill and I thought DD would find being only child of a single working mum stifling and isolating. I did want a second anyway and it was totally the right decision (both adults now).

Orphlids · 09/04/2021 07:18

I have three children. Initially, I thought I’d only have one, but I felt I had to add to “our team”. My side of the family is very small - just my mum. My DP’s family don’t like me, so refuse to see my children, although they make a big fuss of my stepson. I felt so sorry for my DD, and worried she’d feel isolated as she grew older and discovered her half brother was subject to love and attention from a family that shunned her. She asked for a baby, so we had one. And I do so love caring for a baby that I gladly had a third. It felt like my DD wasn’t so alone in the world. She had some people on ‘her side’ to counteract the rejection by my in laws.

A dear friend, an only child, told me the only time she wished for a sibling was when her beloved father was dying, and she was alone in her grief and struggle to care for him. This seems like reasonable excuse to have more than one child. Mind you, I have a brother from whom I am estranged, and my life would have been so much nicer and simpler as an only child. When my mum dies, I know my brother will complicate matters and make things very much more difficult to cope with.

Curlyshabtree · 09/04/2021 07:19

I had twins so the decision was taken out of my hands!

Kpo58 · 09/04/2021 07:21

@drpet49

* I am an only child, so have always known I'd have at least 2 DC.*

^Me too. I wouldn’t wish being an only child on anyone.

Same

I have 2 DC with a 22 month gap between them. I was aiming for 2 years so that they would still be at roughly the same stage of life without wanting to compete

It's worked out well for me.as they are both very close.

Accentor · 09/04/2021 07:29

If you really cared about people struggling to deal with grief and bereavement after you die, you'd have no children.

That has to be the most fucked up reason to have kids I've ever heard, and I've heard a few.

Oneeyeopen · 09/04/2021 07:35

@babypinkelephant and @BLTLover
If this helps.
I have several friends who are only dc. They don't feel as if they've missed out by not having a sibling.
They are however, extremely sociable people with a lot of friends.
I'm one of 6 and my best friend was put in our will as guardian if me and dh died. I love my siblings but they are very different to me.
My own 2 have a 7 year gap so were never really playmates and don't contact each other much.
They both have very good friends.

twoticksvix · 09/04/2021 07:46

First pregnancy I had twins, decision taken out my hands! High chance of subsequent twins which I don't think I could cope so well with so no more for us, though I do so wish I could experience pregnancy again and feel those amazing kicks

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 07:50

@pixietinkdust

Coming from an only child, PLEASE have a sibling for your DC. It’s the only thing I ever asked for every Christmas and every Birthday. When the time is right for me to have children I have already discussed with my DP that one child is not in the plan and I would do everything in my power to have more than one.

I’m not saying I was sad or lonely as an only child, I am very outgoing, great at forging relationships and can make friends in an empty room as an adult - but there’s something about a sibling that I still wish so much I had.

Yeah cos it’s that easy, just having children on demand because your kid begs for a playmate. I’d be devastated if my son was saying this stuff as an adult. However I will explain very clearly to him why a sibling is not possible, perhaps your parents failed to do this for you?

DarkMatterA2Z · 09/04/2021 07:51

Currently have one DC. I would like another for all the reasons given in this thread. However, we've been ttc for almost 2 years now and it hasn't happened yet, so I'm having to face up to my DC potentially being an only child which wasn't in the life plan. On the other hand, my DH isn't close to his sibling in adulthood so things don't always work out the way you think they will.

mellongoose · 09/04/2021 07:52

@pixietinkdust

Coming from an only child, PLEASE have a sibling for your DC. It’s the only thing I ever asked for every Christmas and every Birthday. When the time is right for me to have children I have already discussed with my DP that one child is not in the plan and I would do everything in my power to have more than one.

I’m not saying I was sad or lonely as an only child, I am very outgoing, great at forging relationships and can make friends in an empty room as an adult - but there’s something about a sibling that I still wish so much I had.

My second baby daughter died and I was unable to have more. Your post terrifies me for my first. She is now an only and I feel the guilt every day.

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 07:56

I always feel sorry for only children it always looks so lonely.

@Mylovelyhorsee save your sympathy for people with real problems. Frankly I feel sorry for 3 kids struggling to get their parents’ attention. Each to their own eh?

tara66 · 09/04/2021 07:59

So that my first was not an ''only child''.

Loubylou79 · 09/04/2021 07:59

I have 3 which I always wanted. Lockdown very much highlighted how wonderful it is to have siblings. When we were all at home they had each other. They got so close. My friends with only one struggled to entertain their only and the children didn’t really see any other children in that period.

Mylovelyhorsee · 09/04/2021 07:59

@HaveringWavering oh go away. We were asked a question and I answered in the most honest way for me. Don’t take your issues with your life choices or parents life choices out on me. 3 children is hardly loads, my kids get loads of attention thank you not only from me but from each other. Having more people love you, that sounds awful!

Pootle40 · 09/04/2021 08:00

@Caspianberg

I wouldn’t have another child just so they have a sibling. I’m one of three. Three year and 6 year gap between siblings. We have never really got on, as children never really played together, and as adults we rarely see or contact each other.

Whereas for me my brother is one of my closest friends and can't imagine life without him. Our parents died relatively young after years and years of ill health. I think life would have been very different (not in a good way) if I had been an only child. We have so many shared stories and experiences that we talk about even now in our 40s.

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 08:01

[quote Mylovelyhorsee]@HaveringWavering oh go away. We were asked a question and I answered in the most honest way for me. Don’t take your issues with your life choices or parents life choices out on me. 3 children is hardly loads, my kids get loads of attention thank you not only from me but from each other. Having more people love you, that sounds awful![/quote]
Oh so infertility is a choice now? Lovely.