Page 4 | To ask why you had more than one child?

HarleyQuinn21 · 2021-04-09T02:39:33+00:00

Hello, I'm only posting here for traffic but my baby is 10 weeks old so it may be all the hormones but I'm thinking I'd quite like another one and it just got me thinking about other families so if you don't mind answering why did you have more than one child? Was it planned or not? What were the age gaps between your children and how did you find it, would you recommend the same age gap? How did you find going from one child to two? And what are your personal pros and cons to having more than one child? I tend to overthink and want to be prepared before making any solid decisions plus I can't sleep so thought it's be an interesting nearly 4am thread.

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 08:24

Oh the classic playground response “you’re tactless” “No, YOU’RE tactless”

Give it a rest. I was making a point with my comment about three kids and attention, and you got a taste of how it feels to be insulted with sweeping statements.

Just do me a favour and stop with the patronising head-tilting sympathy for only children as a group. It is comments like that being thrown around without foundation which reinforce society’s negative view of one-child families and make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

youcancallmequeene · 09/04/2021 08:26

I have 2. 14m apart so I was pregnant when my daughter was 6m old. I'm an only too and whilst I've always loved it, I wanted a bigger family. I've never regretted having 3 close together. They're great friends and love each other loads (when they're not squabbling!)

MinecraftMad · 09/04/2021 08:27

Exactly what @FortunesFave said.
Mine are 5 and 8.
I would have liked another but don't think we could go back to paying nursery fees too much of an age gap now.

bookworm14 · 09/04/2021 08:27

Depressing that the outdated stereotypes about only children are still so prevalent. Have as many kids as you want, but spare mine your pity - she doesn’t need it. 🙄

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 08:29

@bookworm14

Depressing that the outdated stereotypes about only children are still so prevalent. Have as many kids as you want, but spare mine your pity - she doesn’t need it. 🙄

100% agree.

FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 08:29

@bookworm14

Depressing that the outdated stereotypes about only children are still so prevalent. Have as many kids as you want, but spare mine your pity - she doesn’t need it. 🙄

I didn't see any pity...I do think everyone has a right to choose of course. But the reasons people choose to have two or more are just as valid as the reasons you chose to have one. Some people can't have more...and some don't want more. That's up to them of course.

Tumbleweed101 · 09/04/2021 08:30

I’ve got four. I always wanted a bigger family as growing up both parents had three siblings and there was always lovely big family gatherings with lots of cousins and aunts and uncles. Hoping that when I’m old I’ll have lots of grandchildren to recreate it.

Best gap was the two year one. The gap between first and last is 11yrs and wouldn’t recommend that so far lol.

FortunesFave · 09/04/2021 08:31

My friends with 3 year age gap are struggling with the 3 year olds behaviour when they have a new born where as mine were young enough just to ignore the new baby

My DD was great with the new baby! She loved her and loved having a sibling. She was old enough to really enjoy her sister and notice cuteness etc. She used to sit by the moses basket holding DD2s hand!

Super cute.

pixietinkdust · 09/04/2021 08:31

@drpet49

* I am an only child, so have always known I'd have at least 2 DC.*

^Me too. I wouldn’t wish being an only child on anyone.

All of the other only children I know say this too! Including myself. I can’t stress it enough.

ShutUpAlex · 09/04/2021 08:32

I was an only child until I was 18! I loved it and I’m not spoilt, or lonely or socially inept as many think only children are. My daughter is 6 and I’m pregnant with my second as I wanted a big enough age gap where the oldest didn’t really require too much parenting. Many of my friends have kids close together on age and it just looks like hell.

Dee1975 · 09/04/2021 08:32

The same reasons as wanting the first - I wanted children. Also, I wanted a my first dc to have a sibling. Both DH and I are from large families.
Ours are 2 years apart. Mainly because I was an older mum. So needed to have close together.
Going from 1 to 2 is easier than none to 1. Your life changes so much when you become a parent for the first time. The second one just slots in. (Although I’ve heard going from 2 to 3 is a bit of a game changer!)

lollipoprainbow · 09/04/2021 08:32

^Me too. I wouldn’t wish being an only child on anyone.

How is this comment helpful ??

thebillyotea · 09/04/2021 08:33

4 kids, couldn't afford to have more unfortunately, all wanted!

I just didn't want one or 2, I thought a bigger and busier house would be happier.

Whatever you chose, you'll be judged, so who cares what people think!

There's a selfish part of wanting a bigger family, you don't feel the need to find entertainment all the time, you can tell them all to go away and leave you in peace, which you obviously wouldn't do with an only.

lollipoprainbow · 09/04/2021 08:34

@pixietinkdust I think you've made your point loud and clear thanks.

Worldwide2 · 09/04/2021 08:34

@HaveringWavering @bltlover

The op is asking why ppl hadd more than one child, there are going to be all different reasons why. We are entitled to share those reasons as we have been asked.
No one knows who has had fertility issues or why they haven't had more than one.
I suggest you don't read this thread if your going to get upset at ppls opinions and start arguments and trying to guilt ppl.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion don't read it if your going to get offended.

bookworm14 · 09/04/2021 08:35

I didn't see any pity...I do think everyone has a right to choose of course.

So comments like ‘I wouldn’t wish being an only child on anyone’ and ‘I always feel sorry for only children - it looks so lonely’ are fine, are they?

These stereotypes about only children are outdated and really damaging. Yes, there are unhappy children but there are also unhappy people with siblings - look at all the MN threads about family estrangement for proof of that.

Have two, three or more kids because you want to. That’s the only sensible reason.

Goatsgetmygoat · 09/04/2021 08:36

It’s easier having 2 than 1. They play together and need less of your time than an only child needs

lollipoprainbow · 09/04/2021 08:37

People have every right to express why they had more than one child but comments about feeling so sorry for only children and banging on about please have more than one from one poster aren't helpful or tactful to people who for various reasons can only have one child.

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 08:37

@SuperCaliFragalistic

I think if you are particularly sensitive to the fact that you have only one child maybe this isn't the thread for you - it's clear from the title. I often don't open threads that might cause me to feel upset.

Funnily enough, I am absolutely at peace with having only one child. What I am not at peace with is the prevailing negativity in society towards one child families. I knew exactly what I was likely to see in opening this thread and that is why I wanted to read it and challenge it.

pixietinkdust · 09/04/2021 08:38

@babypinkelephant - I’m so sorry you’re in this situation.

My parents weren’t, they just decided they only wanted one (my DM is thankful now as I was a I handful as a teenager!) I think I’d have to say that it would never get rid of the longing, for me. But if I was your child I’d understand more once I was older as to why I didn’t have a sibling. I am, and always will be, in the camp that you shouldn’t bring children into the world if you know you can’t provide for them so I think you’re being really sensible my making an undoubtedly difficult choice.

HaveringWavering · 09/04/2021 08:39

[quote Worldwide2]**@HaveringWavering* @bltlover*

The op is asking why ppl hadd more than one child, there are going to be all different reasons why. We are entitled to share those reasons as we have been asked.
No one knows who has had fertility issues or why they haven't had more than one.
I suggest you don't read this thread if your going to get upset at ppls opinions and start arguments and trying to guilt ppl.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion don't read it if your going to get offended.[/quote]
What about if I said “I always feel sorry for people with brown skin, it must be so hard for them”?

That opinion OK?

bookworm14 · 09/04/2021 08:39

Funnily enough, I am absolutely at peace with having only one child. What I am not at peace with is the prevailing negativity in society towards one child families. I knew exactly what I was likely to see in opening this thread and that is why I wanted to read it and challenge it.

This. It is shit and offensive.

ThornAmongstRoses · 09/04/2021 08:40

I didn’t want my first child to be an only child - it was something that I was very passionate.

Having a second child was the best thing we ever did. Our children love each other to pieces and watching a very special relationship evolve between them is amazing.

trevthecat · 09/04/2021 08:40

I have 3. 2 with first husband. My first was a very traumatic birth, I felt broody within weeks. I think I needed to do it again to prove to myself I could do it better, as well as wanting another baby. Number 3 with my now husband, he had no children and I thought another would work great. It has worked well. We are closer as a couple, he's a great dad, to all 3. Won't have any more though. The want for another is gone. For both of us! Youngest is 3 now and sleeping great, we can go away without much fuss (well we could, thanks covid!!)

Snog · 09/04/2021 08:42

It's just untrue that all only children wish for a sibling. My dd is an only, now aged 21, and has never wanted a sibling in all that time.