To ask why you had more than one child?

[HarleyQuinn21]

Hello,

I'm only posting here for traffic but my baby is 10 weeks old so it may be all the hormones but I'm thinking I'd quite like another one and it just got me thinking about other families so if you don't mind answering why did you have more than one child? Was it planned or not? What were the age gaps between your children and how did you find it, would you recommend the same age gap? How did you find going from one child to two? And what are your personal pros and cons to having more than one child?

I tend to overthink and want to be prepared before making any solid decisions plus I can't sleep so thought it's be an interesting nearly 4am thread.

[quote Worldwide2]@HaveringWavering

What a ridiculous comparison. Your an idiot. An absolute idiot.[/quote]
classic

And I should add there is absolutely nothing selfish about CHOOSING to have an only either!

And the person who’s daughter thinks onlys are “weird and over indulged” your kid sounds like a peach! My only wouldn’t dream of sneering at others like that

@Youseethethingis

DS2 was unplanned and due almost a year to the day after DS1 was born. He was stillborn. Now every time I see young siblings with a small age gap I want to howl at the moon. I’m very close to my brother and I feel so guilty that DS1 doesn’t have his any more. They never even got to meet. Will wait til DS2s first birthday then TTC again. I had the strangest feeling when I was pregnant with him that he wasn’t my last baby, even though we only ever wanted two. We shall see.

So sorry to read this. My first (a son) was born extremely premature and didn't survive for very long. For a long time I struggled to look at little happy boys and their happy mummies.

I have 2 DC very close in age (14m) and I suspect a lot of mums/mums-in-waiting look at me and think it must have been so easy for me because they're so close in age - but our family isn't without a lot heartache to get here.

Hugs to you

I have 3 and often wish I'd had more, I love having a big family around me. I'm dreading when they leave home, but will probably get a dog or 2 to fill the gaps .

I wasn't an only child but have much older siblings so was effectively an only child for about 5 years and found it very hard, but my DM was rather difficult so that didn't help.

I am an only. It was fine when I was a child. It's less so now I'm an adult. There is something special about being able to talk about your parents after they've gone and have someone share the memories with you. No one else remembers your childhood. I am single and since the death of my father feel the lack of male family very keenly. I have a deep envy of people who have a brother they are close to.

Having said that, I know many people who have siblings they don't see or don't get on with. I am not deluded that it always works out.

When having my own children I reasoned that they may not have a good sibling relationship, but if they didn't have siblings then it's certain they won't have a good sibling relationship. So I decided the odds were in favour of having more children. I have more than two, so even if one combination don't get on, they have alternatives.

@HaveringWavering - I think we’ll have to agree to disagree on the misconstrued message then.

@GojiberryStar I would be really interested to know their feeling on this too. As I said, for me I just wish I had a sibling. Then again knowing my luck if I did have one we probably wouldn’t get along or something like that. It’s the unknown for me entirely.

I was an only child. I don’t remember wishing for a sibling at the time but as an adult and looking back I knew that for me (I don’t speak for everyone, just to clarify) siblings would have been a good thing as I think I was rather lonely. And seeing the dynamic between my own dc and the childhood they had they had a more carefree childhood than I did. However I think if I had just ended up with one dc I would have tried very hard to make that experience different to mine

We have one child. Perfectly happy thanks. Her life is different from that of children with siblings but not inferior!

Hormones really. I was mad about babies in my 30s.

And I wanted two reasonably close together as I was getting old and as I hadn't had a playmate sibling and wanted that for my DCs.

@thebillyotea my dd is an only and ND no hope really is there !!

Number two wasn't planned.

That said I wanted three but stopped at two due to the state of my marriage.

I didn't want just one as I'd had a sibling and always wanted children not a child.

Daughter thinks all the only kids she knows with 2 parents are "weird"

Well she's quite unpleasant - you must be so proud!

Twins from IVF!
There have been some exhausting times and some leaner times financially but no regrets. They are both amazing!

For a sibling for my first.. they are three years apart and are such good brothers/company for each other. I love that my oldest isn't lonely. We don't have cousins around and aren't the most sociable friend wise.
Also love the two different personalities, two lots of love.

I have four, two older DDs (19 and 17) and 15yo twins. There is a fair amount of shouting and arguing but they really are all best mates and I can't imagine it any other way. Eldest is home from uni and last night they all crammed on to the sofa for a film. Seeing them all snuggled up together as teens really made me glad they had each other.

@TheFuckingDogs

And I should add there is absolutely nothing selfish about CHOOSING to have an only either!

Apparently it's a lot more selfish to have more than 1!

You should read the comments on here about parents like me choosing to have a slightly larger family...

@madmara

Daughter thinks all the only kids she knows with 2 parents are "weird"

Well she's quite unpleasant - you must be so proud!

just shows that being a spoilt brat is not exclusive to "only" 😂

I have 2, 2.5 year gap, both boys. I just never wanted an only child. I remember the HV coming when eldest was a baby and referring to him as an only child and it just felt to viscerally wrong to hear him described like that. He was always our first not our only.

I would have liked a slightly bigger age gap to have got the eldest in nursery but then that would also have meant an extra year of childcare. They bicker and wind each other up quite a lot (they are 15 and 12) which is getting on my last nerve, they need to be back in school!

The pros of one I would imagine is that it would be easier and cheaper than two but it wasn’t for us to have an only.

The point about not lioving another baby as much I never understand. Love isn’t a finite resource. When you met your partner you didn’t stop loving your parents did you?

I'm a 36 year old only child, and mum of an only.

If it's any consolation to mums of one here, I had a brilliant childhood and have never wanted a sibling. I grew up playing with the girl next door who was a year younger, and had a mum who facilitated lots of after-school play dates. I wouldn't personally have wanted to share my parents. Your first child was free on holidays in the 90s, so we could afford to go abroad twice a year.

DH's sister is 6 years older. She might as well be a distant aunt. They speak maybe twice a year.

We've decided DS will be an only. He's already very sociable via nursery and I am quite willing to put in the extra work with school friends and relatives to ensure he has someone to play with.

I am an only child and love it. Not all only children are lonely and miserable. Some will be just as some children with siblings will be. Others won't. It depends on so many factors you can't just generalise.

I just always wanted two. We planned for two broadly 3 years apart - it took me a while to get pregnant with DD1, so we started TTC early with DD2. Result: 2 years and 14 days between them. Oh well.

First couple of years were hard, but once DD2 was able to talk, they really got on. They're 18 and 20 now and I also have a 19yo foster son.

I have a six year age gap between my two. We've had a number of miscarriages along the way before and after our first. He was very poorly as a baby, spent most of his first year in hospital. We honestly weren't sure about a second, but I thought I'd regret not trying. A few more losses later, we decided to stay as a family of three. Started to sell the baby stuff we'd kept hold of, and then low and behold, I fell pregnant. Second is now six months. They have a lovely bond already, and although our second is difficult (in that she's a terrible sleeper - our first was always brilliant), we are happy... but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I sometimes miss life as a three.

@pixietinkdust

Coming from an only child, PLEASE have a sibling for your DC. It’s the only thing I ever asked for every Christmas and every Birthday. When the time is right for me to have children I have already discussed with my DP that one child is not in the plan and I would do everything in my power to have more than one.

I’m not saying I was sad or lonely as an only child, I am very outgoing, great at forging relationships and can make friends in an empty room as an adult - but there’s something about a sibling that I still wish so much I had.

On the other hand, one of my siblings bullied me and I would have loved to have been an only child! So there is no guarantee that kids will have a sibling relationship as adults- I've not spoken to that sibling for over 10 years. I think it's OK either way.

Because the first one is awesome! So is the second.

No more, because I want to be able to travel with DH in 10 years or so. We had the first quite young and soon after meeting so we will make up for the time we didn’t spend alone. Children are also quite expensive and I’m not willing to lessen what these two have to share with another one - although I’m broody constantly right now!