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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If your parents divorced

196 replies

FallgriefsGirlfriendsCats · 08/04/2021 23:03

Did it really ruin your childhood?

OP posts:
neroforte · 08/04/2021 23:04

my parents haven't divorced, but i would've been happier if they had.

MyOtherProfile · 08/04/2021 23:05

Yes.

maddy68 · 08/04/2021 23:05

Yes I'm all honestly

TrixIrl · 08/04/2021 23:05

Yes. But it would have been much much worse if they hadn't.

littleblackno · 08/04/2021 23:06

No, they were happier. I was happier.

MrsPear · 08/04/2021 23:09

Nope better than listening to the arguments. But then again there was no DV and they behaved like adults. They put on a united front, I was never made to choose one parent over another, Christmas and birthdays they both together. Even now they unite for my children. It had to be explained to my eldest that they were divorced - he queried why grand dad was not there when we were visiting another time. IMHO if the parents behave like adults and there is no dv then no it is not damaging.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/04/2021 23:11

Nope, everyone was happier.

Parky04 · 08/04/2021 23:13

They didn't divorce and that ruined my childhood!

OwlinaTree · 08/04/2021 23:14

Yes tbh. My dad was a bit of a player and kept leaving and returning to the family home, my mum had terrible mental health as a result of this. Once she kicked him out for good and got a new partner she was much better.

I find it harder since I've had my own children. My DH is an amazing dad and makes me realise how my mum just got left to do everything and how useless my dad was really.

DeepThinkingGirl · 08/04/2021 23:16

Yes. But if they divorced earlier I think it would’ve not been this awful

Lemmeout · 08/04/2021 23:28

What made it awful ?
It’s a terrible weight of guilt to carry either way.

coronabeer · 08/04/2021 23:32

The divorce didn't ruin my childhood. The relationships with new partners post divorce probably did, though.

CoRhona · 08/04/2021 23:34

They would have been rubbish together but shouldn't really have ever had children.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2021 23:35

Absolutely not. They’re make better friends than spouses. A huge weight lifted when they told us.

duvetdreaming · 08/04/2021 23:35

No.

Gingersay · 08/04/2021 23:37

It was part of my childhood but it didn't ruin it. My sister would say different though.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/04/2021 23:39

@Parky04

They didn't divorce and that ruined my childhood!
That was my poor mum and her god awful parents and their miserable marriage.

We used to joke, wryly, that there was another couple out there as unhappy and if only they’d met my grandparents they could have swapped and created two less unhappy couples.

A key reason for my parents splitting was mum’s certainty that staying together for the kids does a terrible disservice to the kids.

lavenderlove · 08/04/2021 23:40

No it didn't, even though everything looked rosy to me as my parents kept their problems hidden.
If you are thinking of leaving don't guilt yourself in to not doing it if you aren't happy. Children will adjust and your happiness will impact on their childhood

CayrolBaaaskin · 08/04/2021 23:40

The divorce didn’t but the fighting did. Which started way before the divorce

Luckingfovely · 08/04/2021 23:45

They didn't, and it ruined mine and my siblings' lives, and theirs, and I really wish they had.

FizzyTarte · 08/04/2021 23:48

Another vote for didn’t divorce, which ruined our childhood.
But then had an extremely bitter nasty divorce when I was in my 30’s, involved us grown up kids in everything and it ultimately destroyed the whole family.

LizzieMacQueen · 08/04/2021 23:48

Yes but unusually it was my mother that walked out and left us with a bully of a father. She did nothing to protect us from him. It's a hard thing to forgive.

pipsqueakbollock · 08/04/2021 23:56

Mine did when I was 20

Dad was an arse - with the new found internet (dial up in the mid 90's) he found 'love' in Ukraine and had a string of affairs. Then divorce, remarried and immediate baby (half brother) arrived.

He thought all the money/house/cars were his so when the judge made the divorce a 50/50 split of assets, his attitude to mum ensured I didn't speak to him pretty much ever again.

Despite my attitude to my father, I managed to repeat history and my ex H had an affair and left. I nailed my divorce more strongly in my favour thanks to learning from my mum who never discussed her divorce with me.

I am unsurprisingly very anti men.

pipsqueakbollock · 09/04/2021 00:01

I forgot the bit about childhoodGrin

My childhood was shit due to my arse of a father and my mother forever tiptoeing around him. Classic walk on eggshells house.

I think if you keep going in a bad/broken/poor relationship, you drag out the harm on the children. Mind you, I was 20 when they divorced and by then, I was adult enough to decide my dad actually was a total cunt and despite every one telling me I must see him/love him / respect him - I just knew I didn't want to so I didn't.

At the stage of my own divorce - my emotions were fucked up - I blame my dad - I have had a lot of counselling.

Bipitybopityboop · 09/04/2021 00:02

I always wanted a 'normal' family growing up. Where the mum and dad loved each other and we all sat round a table each evening and had our dinner and spoke about our day.

It doesn't ruin your life but it does cause a lot of hurt and you feel like you missed out on things that other families have.

Also it makes me appreciate the family dynamics I have with my own DH and kids.