If your parents divorced

[FallgriefsGirlfriendsCats]

Did it really ruin your childhood?

" A vote for didn’t divorce, which ruined our childhood.
But then had an extremely bitter nasty divorce when I was in my 30’s, involved us grown up kids in everything and it ultimately destroyed the whole family."

Similar to me. Would say getting close to the " ultimately destroyed the whole family" .I struggle to not go NC with my family . "D"Ps left it until later when should have been reasonably simple instead very acrimonious and took years and made it very complicated.

Yes and there are still ramifications now for me even though I'm in my 40s.

My parents separated in my early teens. My mum had an affair with my dad's best friend. Dad wasn't treating mum very well and my now stepdad took advantage of her vulnerability. Mum had to move us out of the area because she was worried about her reputation but we loved where we lived and hated being so far from our friends. We then moved back with dad who spent no time with us because he was all consumed with finding someone else.

Both of them remarried and both of them tried to force us to be part of their new families. They didn't really have space for us in either house. Once I'd gone to university I didn't have a room in either house. I didn't have a home anymore. If I go and visit mum now it doesn't feel like home.

I've never had a good relationship with my step-parents. My step mother sued me for my inheritance when my dad died even though she was divorcing him and with the other side I feel like my mum is always pushing relationships that aren't there. It feels false still. I don't trust my stepdad. He'd have nothing to do with me if mum wasn't around and I don't like having to compete with his kids for her attention. I hate being a stepchild. Always have done. I wouldn't wish it on anyone and I'll do everything I can to stop it happening to my kids.

Yes, but it was because of the way my father behaved both during and for 15 years after the divorce. Not the divorce itself.

Yes it did ruin my childhood. There were major financial adjustments but more importantly my parents handled things badly. My DF moved 2 hours away. Moved in with another women (and her son) the week we moved out, got embroiled in disputes over finances, didn't take my desires into account at any stage. Then my DSM was horrific and my DM started drinking too much. I was 13. I had also lost my DGF 2 months before my parents announced their divorce. It was shit.

My parents "stayed together for the kids" which, was probably the best decision for my brother and I. We had a stable mc family plenty of money for holidays, uni, travelling etc and parents just sort of did their own things within that. No affairs (that we were aware of) and no major arguments. They separated just before my brother turned 18. My parents have both benefited financially from staying together so long and now both are very well set up and with new partners etc but they haven't spoken to each other in 20 years. Which is fair enough, my mum especially made a lot of sacrifices for us.

Yes, they divorced when me & my older brother were 4/5, they continue to hate each other now 35yrs later. Both went on to have new partners & children with them, DB & I were then used as unpaid babysitters, but also expected to be perfect so as to set a good example to the younger children. It's impossible for us to have family events with both of them there due to constant sniping & feeling like we have to give them both equal amounts of our time. They never should have married and had us in the first place. Actually reading this back I don't know DB & I don't go NC!

Yes because they were absolutely 100% useless at managing the impact of the divorce and it's aftermath with their DC. It still makes my blood boil at how badly it was managed and how utterly selfish both of them were.

Yes, but it wasn't a clean break, they hid all truth from me and dragged me into the actual divorce to take sides (I refused). They definitely didn't co-parent in any way that I saw.

I wish mine had. Horrific divorce later and nothing the same again

I think if both parents can put the kids first it can be ok. So many can’t but I understand why

No he was a shitty alcoholic dad. Divorce meant I saw him for what he was at a younger age and I’m glad of it, less years wasted on him. My mother did an amazing job by herself. If anything spoilt my childhood it was him all by himself not the divorce, I’m glad the didnt stay married. We would’ve had a dogs life

Not the divorce itself but their subsequent decisions to re-marry someone with 4 DCs/ have more with their new spouse did.

Nope.
That’s why I never bought the whole “broken home” thing. My home was the most broken when my parents were together.
Happy split parents, in my opinion, are better than a miserable couple.

It affected me and still does. But it was the breakdown of their relationship, divorce and terrible handling of the situation afterwards that affected me. I’m sure divorce was preferable to not at that point. In the grand scheme of complaints about parents, I could have it a lot worse though.

Yes. Complete, 100% ruined my childhood. One of the worst things that ever happened to me and even now in my 40’s I still bear the scars.

It wasn't the divorce that ruined my childhood, it was the way my parents behaved towards each other and to me after the divorce.

The divorce didn't but the new relationships afterwards did.

Yes. The divorce itself didn't ruin my childhood. It was the relationship my mother had after that, which has left me with a lot of issues.

The relief all round when my parents divorced was immense. I was 10. To have two new, much more relaxed (albeit reflecting the reduced assets of each parent), homes was the making of me! I was able to start secondary school not worrying about my parents.
Despite both being lovely people with their children's best interests at heart, my parents' mutual unhappiness and ongoing frustration, despite them trying hard to hide it, had created an 'eggshells' environment, which was exhausting and anxiety-inducing. They did not fight openly, but I would wake at night to the sound of bitter 'discussions' (never shouting or violence, and they would always 'make up' and finish the talk by mutual consent "I think we've said all there is to say, shall we end it here for now?" , so very civilised), and hear things no child should have to listen to their parents saying about eachother.
There was some stress and upset in the aftermath as they tried to figure out settlements and custody, but nothing like the sadness of pre-divorce.

No. My Dad was emotionally absent and my mum hated being with him and took it out on us kids. There were a Rocky few years where my mum came to terms with her independence and we bore the brunt of her bad moods. My dad was resentful of the divorce and used us to get at our mum. Then my mum moved the man who she had been having an affair with (whilst still married) and things settled down a bit. I make it sound worse than it was 😂

Yes, but that’s because my mum left and my dad quickly married a woman who hated me and was abusive to me.

Yes and no!
It didn’t “ruin” it, but it did damage it and me, and damaged my relationship with my my parent who left for a lot of years.

I think divorce is obviously completely justified if there is mistreatment in any way, not just violence. However, my mum divorced my dad because she had met someone she loved more. To me, that felt as though she was choosing that new person above our family and putting her own desires above anyone else’s. We had a happy family, and she broke it. I’ve never actually forgiven her, and it took until I was in my mid 20s for us to build back into a strong relationship.

My parents actually handled the divorce very well, and have remained friends to this day. But it has tarred a lot of my childhood memories.

Yes it did, it affected me so badly all through my teens, DM will still never acknowledge how bad it was for me and DB though.

Yes. Mum was poor-always worrying, and she never had another relationship. Dad was never around. Grew up without any male guidance or role models. Men were like a different species to me! Felt very unlovable. Of course, I have no idea idea what it would have been like if he'd stayed.

Definitely not, I really wish that they had divorced sooner so that us children didn't have to be in such a toxic environment. The worst part was our mum telling us lies and awful things about my dad so that we would stand by her and not want to see him. I was 10 at the time so obviously believed her. It wasn't until many years later that I realised, and by that point it was too late.

My mother asked for a divorce when I was 31.
My teenage and early adulthood years were ruined by the bad atmosphere at home.
The divorce was traumatic too.