If your parents divorced

[FallgriefsGirlfriendsCats]

Did it really ruin your childhood?

No, I was thankful they split and I didn't have to be around the arguing. Although my mum did leave him for someone completely awful and that definitely did affect my childhood massively. Thankfully she is no longer with him anymore

No. I was 14.
They never seemed that fond of each other anyway. I was always embarrassed as they never wore rings or acknowledged their wedding anniversary.

Not really. My dad ruined my childhood with his violence and spite. He would have done that with my mum or apart from her

It wasn't that they got divorced but that they were not at all civil about it for years afterwards. Not paying money, talking about each other in a nasty way, shouting at drop offs.

It didn't ruin it. Their relationship was toxic and they both continued to behave badly for many years afterwards. To this day actually.

The divorce itself was neither here nor there.

Yes. And fucked me up as an adult.

@Blackopal

Superherobirds Thats really interesting, so your step mom is someone who is a positive person for you but you appreciate her not being pushed into the home with the kids?

I am almost three years on and have not dated and i just cant see involving my children in a relationship.

My ex and I make sure we do birthdays and Christmas and family days together and that seems to come up as a positive.

Having listened to all these stories the thing I could critique about my own arrangement is that we do bicker. Not arguments about anything real , what we would call jokey banter back and forth. However maybe that needs to be squashed as i wonder if my children experience it badly.

Yes I think the gentleness and sensitivity with which my dad and stepmum approached introductions really helped. It meant that we were able to get to know each other gradually and build an organic relationship without anything feeling forced. It also allowed for a lot of time for us to still be with just Dad. I was a teenager when they met, and as quite a fiery teenage girl, I don’t think I’d have taken kindly to being told we were moving or that someone else and her children were moving in! But joint day trips I could handle.

My mum was the opposite and moved men in very quickly (I’ve had 3 “step dads”) and would bring them along to everything so you rarely got time with just her.

It sounds to me like you are doing your best to put your children first, and I’m sure they realise that.

No. I hated the arguments , it was scary.

The divorce didn't but the fighting, the lies, the resentment, my pathetic dad, and my stepmother's despicable behaviour at times definitely had a big impact on me. It's not the the divorce itself that ruins kids' childhoods - it's the way the adults cope with it.

Yes. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I don't have many happy childhood memories as a result. It was extremely traumatic and I'm very sceptical when adults say that children are happy when their parents are happy (ie divorced). Children don't have the emotional capacity to understand long term benefit analysis. I would have done anything to keep my parents together.

No. When my dad finally left after 3 years of constant fighting, atmosphere and tension it was a blessed relief, a weight off my shoulders. I was 13 and never remember my parents being happy but the last 3 years was horrendous. My teenage years were very tight for my mum financially but she did her best for us and my teen years were mostly happy because of her and I very much doubt they would have been if my dad had been around.

@Parky04

They didn't divorce and that ruined my childhood!

Same here. I think I remember 2-3 times where she nearly left. They did end up divorcing when I was an adult. Way too late to reverse any damage and really messy for us siblings.

The divorce no.... but the pretending happy step families for the past 2 decades has become tiresome to say the least.

Sometimes we are family, sometimes we aren't.... it's a serious head fuck.

No, their choice not to split up earlier ruined our childhood.

@pigglepot

Yes. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I don't have many happy childhood memories as a result. It was extremely traumatic and I'm very sceptical when adults say that children are happy when their parents are happy (ie divorced). Children don't have the emotional capacity to understand long term benefit analysis. I would have done anything to keep my parents together.

I'm a child of divorced parents and I was perfectly happy as a child.

Yes ruined my life when my parents divorced....but that was due to my evil step father.

My mum has been married three times, it didn’t ruin my life at all but it impacted badly on my younger brother. I was old enough to see that the original divorce was better than living in a toxic environment with lots of anger and shouting but I think my brother couldn’t really understand it.
My DH has kids from his previous marriage and they don’t want to know me at all or have a relationship with our DC which is fine by me but I find it a bit odd - I have lots of step and half siblings and we all just get on with it.
Sometimes I think the people who suffer most are those who are very wedded to the idea of a nuclear family with two adults, two/three kids and no complications. I’ve never been that bothered about who my parents are with, as long as they are happy.

No, honestly couldn't have cared less.

Nope not at all. Im glad they did.

In all honesty yes, it was worse for my younger brothers. My parents hated each other and we were stuck right in the middle of them.

My mum and dad were never together. It made me sad as a child that I didn’t get to experience any time of having parents being together 😞

I was a young adult - the divorce wasn't an issue, but their atrocious behaviour afterwards was. We DC became weapons that they used to hurt and manipulate each other. Utterly selfish. And the fall out from everything carried on for years.

Yes. I lost my mother effectively the day she left. With no warning. Three siblings. It ruined everything

Yes and no.
Yes because my mum escaped an emotionally abuse husband and then met my wonderful step dad, my life would be very different (in a bad way) if she hadn't divorced my dad.
No because he then manipulated me to get to my mum. I also spent most of my teenage years just desperate for attention from anyone. Looking back at it now is heartbreaking as I know I wouldn't have been like that if I wasn't the child of divorced parents, I see that with my half sister who has always been a happy and content child and I genuinely believe it's because our mum and my step dad stayed together.

No
But they were miserable
Lots of anger shouting fights etc
So better they were apart