Never invited back?

[Lockdownlumpy]

We have some couple friends that we have known for around 10 years. Over the years we've all moved house a few times. During a discussion with my OH today we realised that although we have hosted the other couple many times for drinks/lunch/dinner/ parties in all our houses (obv not much the last year thanks to covid) we have only been to their house once, for a birthday party. Whenever they suggest a catch up they either want to meet out somewhere or they say they are happy to come to us. Their house is a similar size to ours, nicely decorated and they are tidy people so I doubt they aren't inviting because of the house.
We get on well and enjoy their company but starting to wonder if it's odd that the invitations are never reciprocated.
Anyone else have friends like this?

I absolutely hate entertaining people at my house. I probably wouldn't accept a dinner party invitation at someone else's house because of that though.

I could be your friend lol!

I just don’t like people over at my house. You have no control over when they leave and it feels like an invasion of privacy having anyone here. OH feels the same.

Yes, we have friends who are like this. You don’t notice at first and then it suddenly dawns on you after a few years. We’ve started meeting them less and only out and about now (pre Covid) as I was becoming resentful!

@GoldSlipper

I could be your friend lol!

I just don’t like people over at my house. You have no control over when they leave and it feels like an invasion of privacy having anyone here. OH feels the same.

Fair enough but then surely you shouldn’t accept regular invitations to theirs?

I find hosting really stressful. I’d much rather meet somewhere, even if it’s just a coffee shop or something simple.

Hmm, I quite like hosting people but now we've realised it does seem rather one sided.

@Thepilotlightsgoneout in fairness we rarely go to anyone’s house. Tend to meet in bars/restaurants as it seems easier for all concerned.

@GoldSlipper

I could be your friend lol!

I just don’t like people over at my house. You have no control over when they leave and it feels like an invasion of privacy having anyone here. OH feels the same.

This!

I have a couple of sets of friends that I don’t invite to mine, their houses are so much nicer than mine and maybe they are a little more formal and fussy, and I find them a little judgemental, although I think it’s my insecurities.
And other sets of friends I invite all the time,
And love having them round.

Oh no I’d actually love to be in that position. I love hosting people. I get to choose what we eat and drink. I know the house/toilet is going to be spotless. And best of all, I get to go straight to sleep after they’ve left and not fork out for a taxi home or not drink so I can drive.

Not everyone likes hosting but bit rude when you've hosted them then when it's their turn you go out and presumably split bill etc.

Some people find hosting very stressful and not enjoyable. I find it stressful and literally only do it to reciprocate. But, although I’m a good cook, I worry too much whether I have enough of everything for everyone’s taste, spend a fucking fortune, spend all day getting everything ready...I’m bloody knackered at the end. When they suggest going out instead it maybe because they just don’t like hosting.
You come across as someone who is probably an excellent host and maybe they feel a bit inferior regarding that?

Might be one of them rather than both. I know lots of couples where one is social and the other is dragged along.

@GoldSlipper

I never have people round I absolutely hate it as does my partner

Loving covid for the no play dates either!

I hate the idea of my personal space being invaded

@Quitelikeacatslife

Not everyone likes hosting but bit rude when you've hosted them then when it's their turn you go out and presumably split bill etc.

This

I hate hosting. When I socialise I like to get out the house as it’s more entertaining. I also get anxiety with people in my home as feel the pressure to entertain and make sure they have a good evening. Then there’s the anxiety of them judging my house and I just can’t relax

I have friends like this. It doesnt bother me at all. I don't mind hosting, prefer it really as it means no sitter for the kids required, food I actually like, no travel home.

I know that among my friends one doesn't host because she and her DH don't cook but also generally their house is quite messy/disorganised, she finds it all stressful. Another has kids that are in and out of bed jack in a boxes all evening and will come interrupt. One is extremely private about a lot of things and when drunk once told me she hated people "noseying" in her home!!

@GoldSlipper

I could be your friend lol!

I just don’t like people over at my house. You have no control over when they leave and it feels like an invasion of privacy having anyone here. OH feels the same.

So does that mean you never accept invitations to go to other people's houses - I couldn't imagine accepting someone's hospitality and not returning it.

OP your friends sound like selfish takers - unless they bring lavish gifts with them/offer to pay for takeaways etc when they come over?

I think it can balance out if say it's your house but they bring the wine/dessert or acknowledge it. If it's always you hosting and doing all the work and expense it's a bit off.

So e people hate hosting, just enjoy your friends and accept they don't do things the same way that you do

Some people find cooking for others really stressful.
Some people enjoy cooking for others.
If you are good friends, rather than people who have joined some sort of group, with 'points' (like a babysitting circle, but for hosting) then I don't think it really matters.

If you don't like cooking for people, then it isn't a relaxing, or fun, or enjoyable thing to do at the weekend.
If you do like cooking for people, then would you rather friends said "no" when you asked them over, or would you rather they came over ?

I've never seen friendship as something that means you have to do the same thing for each other. Friendships work in different ways, but there are lots of friendships where one is "the organiser" or one person goes round and helps the other out in practical ways or one where they are a good fit as one is the 'talker' and one the 'listener', or good fits in different ways.

Have to admit I'm not a huge fan of hosting myself. Very draining

It's totally fine not to host , but if you accept hospitality, particularly meals it would be polite to offer to pay for takeaway next time or take them out for meal (maybe just pay for food not drinks) I really like hosting (if I remember how) but I do spend a fortune.

I think there are those who enjoy the entertaining and those who don’t.
Personally, I dislike the whole concept of ‘owing’ somebody a supper invitation or drinks invitation. We invite people we like spending time with. If we get invited back, that’s nice but I wouldn’t withhold an invitation if they hadn’t given us a return supper.
I like cooking, some don’t. Others bring different talents to the communal table.

Cheeky gits. If you aren't comfortable returning a dinner invitation you shouldn't accept them either. Especially multiple times.
They're free to suggest you eat out every time you meet, not just when it's their turn to host.