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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

430 replies

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 11:53

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

OP posts:
Horehound · 05/04/2021 11:55

They sound like miserable gits and they shouldn't be telling you off just for having a different outlook on life. Next time leave them at home!

Mellonsprite · 05/04/2021 11:56

They sound like a bunch of sanctimonious kill joys to be honest.
As long as you weren’t rip roaring drunk and humiliating yourself I say you have every right to enjoy yourself.

HairyPits · 05/04/2021 11:58

I’d go alone next time

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 11:59

I really didn't humiliate myself at all, and definitely not rip roaring drunk. I am finding them so stifling, what is so bad about celebrating life/end of lockdown?? I am quite upset about it today.

OP posts:
LibrariesGiveUsPower45321 · 05/04/2021 11:59

If you’ve genuinely lost your filter when drinking YABU. My mum was like that when I was a teen and it was grim.

If you want to go out and drink freely leave the teens at home. DH can get over himself tbh (unless you were plastered)

VerityWibbleWobble · 05/04/2021 11:59

So you were in the garden with blaring music and getting pissed?

I'm with your family on this one.

Were the neighbours impressed?

Youseethethingis · 05/04/2021 11:59

They have just had a whole year of the government legally compelling you to do thin there way and stay at home.
They are being shitty they did things your way for three piddling hours?
Nah. YANBU. Selfish to rain on your nice afternoon.

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:00

Thank you for your replies. Socialising on my own feels preferable than being judged for laughing too loudly. I was laughing loudly because it has been so long since I have been with people that like to enjoy themselves!

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 05/04/2021 12:01

I would be rather cross with the lot of them. “You have had a whole year that suits you and you will apologise for your behaviour when I had one afternoon that suited me”.

And that would be my polite version.

user1493413286 · 05/04/2021 12:01

I don’t think you did anything wrong; it’s not like you insisted on being there for hours and hours. If you’d left much earlier then it would have looked rude and what’s the point in going so far if you don’t stay long.
I also think it’s mean to say things like that to people; my DH gets on my nerves when he’s drinking and I’m not but I don’t make him feel bad about it because it’s just not nice and would only result in him feeling bad.

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:01

SIL does not have any immediate neighbours, and the music was like a Spanish guitar summer music - it was not a full on rave or party.

OP posts:
Livpool · 05/04/2021 12:02

They all sound miserable. Enjoy yourself OP

user1493413286 · 05/04/2021 12:03

Also everything about parents is embarrassing when you’re a teenager so I’d just tell them not to be so rude. I’ve noticed that what teen DSD used to find funny when her dad did 2 years ago is now met sigh eye rolls and cutting comments even though he’s no different

FrankButchersDickieBow · 05/04/2021 12:04

@VerityWibbleWobble

So you were in the garden with blaring music and getting pissed?

I'm with your family on this one.

Were the neighbours impressed?

🙄
MyDcAreMarvel · 05/04/2021 12:04

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sadpapercourtesan · 05/04/2021 12:04

Unless you were actually up on the garden table singing Gloria Gaynor with your baps out....they're being sanctimonious arses. Teenagers can be very conservative about their mothers, I find.

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:04

I have some fun loving friends, and dh is always moaning about them, so I see them alone and we have fun and I can be myself. In two weekends we are going out, and I am dreading the lectures already. Even if I drink soft drinks and drive home as I often do, he will say it is too late or find some excuse to complain about it.
I really need to be able socialise, and not feel bad for enjoying the company of others. It is almost like they don't like it, so no one is allowed.

OP posts:
UserTwice · 05/04/2021 12:05

Two things

  1. it's possible you were being louder than you realised if you'd had a few drinks. And what's appropriate volume in a night club isn't really appropriate in a relative's garden. If you're the sober person it's not much fun to listen to everyone getting louder and sillier.
  1. Perhaps don't take the teens next time?
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:06

Unless you were actually up on the garden table singing Gloria Gaynor with your baps out

I so wish I had!!
At least it would give them a good reason to hate me.
I know with teens everything about me is so 'embarrassing'. Maybe it is time to leave them at home. They reserve their fire power for me, dh can do no wrong.

OP posts:
Cheeeeislifenow · 05/04/2021 12:06

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.

Ah I forgot you must lose all personality when you have children. Having a few drinks and laughing with friends is embarrassing and a midlife crisis? I would much rather enjoy my midlife crisis than become a dried up, shrivelled fun sponge.

denverRegina · 05/04/2021 12:09

Have a word with the teens. And next time leave them at home.

As for DH, well, you chose him

Horehound · 05/04/2021 12:10

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
What the hell?!
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:10

If laughing too loudly is a mid life crisis, then perhaps I am actually having one. It feels like it today. It is suffocating.

I have been locked up for months, if I laughed to loudly so what?? I am amazed I have even got through this without a breakdown. We have all been under such strain, well everyone except dh and dc that is. I am fed up having no fun in my life.

OP posts:
Gizlotsmum · 05/04/2021 12:10

Tricky. You say you weren’t embarrassing, they say you were, the truth is probably somewhere in the middle. How close are you to SIL? Could you ask her opinion. If it is just your family are introverts and having not been out for a while it was overwhelming it may get better as things return to normal

Steptoeshorse1965 · 05/04/2021 12:11

You know what to do next time, miseries at a gathering are just that.