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Original poster

Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

430 replies

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 11:53

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

OP posts:
pictish · 05/04/2021 12:24

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
That’s nice dear.
DustCentral · 05/04/2021 12:25

I’m an introvert and I’d have still told the joy sponges to shut up and mind their own fucking business. They have no right to judge you for having fun just because it’s not their natural way. Definitely go without them in future miserable sods. And I say this from an introvert personality who’d rather stay home but who appreciates others are much more sociable than me.

Notonthestairs · 05/04/2021 12:25

Agree with Mamette. Your husband is the one that should have filtered. You stick together. You don't let your kids pile on.

My parents used to have lazy Saturday afternoons/evenings drinking a bit too much, playing cards and gossiping. There was even singing (Sweet Caroline was a favourite). It was excruciating. God knows what I thought they should be doing - probably knitting/washing the car/cutting the grass - but even if they had complied they'd have still been annoying because that was part of the stage I was at.

(And for any MN worrying about my neighbours there weren't any - we lived in the middle of nowhere).

PolaDeVeboise · 05/04/2021 12:25

I'm the same as a PP - everything I do is embarrassing, DH can do absolutely no wrong. Bugger 'em all OP - life is for living. Also, they are choosing how to react to your behaviour - they could just rolll their eyes and smile - it would be less stressful all round.

Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:25

I am glad I am not the only one joe!!! Grin
I honestly felt/feel like a freak for having the bloody audacity to actually enjoy myself.

I am not good with all of this containment, and the lockdown nearly killed me, but I did it without complaint. I cried every Friday and Saturday night as I added up the lost evenings. Literally going old and grey over night it feels whilst waiting for this thing to end.

I did say to them I won't be made to feel bad about having fun, it is not exactly a scene of ab fab, just garden drinks fgs.

OP posts:
gannett · 05/04/2021 12:26

Assuming you were just tipsy rather than full-on sloppy...

Of course teenagers will be embarrassed and disapproving of tipsy parents. I'd find that quite funny. Let them tut!

Hard to tell how serious your DH was? If DP gets much drunker than me I'd probably make an affectionate jibe at his expense (and vice versa) but we're not judging each other for real, and the boot's often on the other foot. We'd probably only say something seriously disapproving if the other had been so drunk they crossed some sort of line. Does your DH tend to disapprove whenever you get tipsy? Has this been an issue before? Or was it a one-off, if he's an introverted non-drinker the sudden return to socialising might have been a bit full-on. Regardless, he should know by now he married a woman who likes to have fun, and deal with it.

Again assuming you didn't drunkenly say something awful or stumble around incapably, I think you should just let the comments roll off you. Sounds like you had a fun time.

Alsohuman · 05/04/2021 12:28

It’s in teens’ job description to be embarrassed by their parents. How sad it would be if you were to deprive them of this rite of passage!

Frogartist · 05/04/2021 12:29

Ok, don't they like it when you have fun? Or is it the combination of alcohol and fun they don't like?

maddiemookins16mum · 05/04/2021 12:31

None of us can honestly say, we weren’t there. I’m suspecting it’s six of one and half a dozen of the other.

Thisgirlcando · 05/04/2021 12:31

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.

Fuck. I must be having a midlife crisis and I’m only 30! I do have several hobbies though but I didn’t realise these were meant to replace other aspects of fun in my life, please tell me other ways to live my one and only life.

worriedatthemoment · 05/04/2021 12:31

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
Sorry did I miss the memo that said once I become a mum my life ends!!!
At no point did the OP say she got drunk to humiliate her children , she just enjoyed herself and put herself first , thats allowed
Drinking is also allowed , she wasn't rolling around on the floor , just laughing and enjoying herself , normal behaviour

Cactus1982 · 05/04/2021 12:33

I’d like to hear your teens side of the story actually OP. My DM has been a functioning alcoholic for years, and she would frequently show us up at family dos and such. Getting louder and louder, losing her filter and generally making an arse of herself. She’d say we were miserable killjoys as well.

Diamondella · 05/04/2021 12:34

OP I’d rather have someone like you who joins in and can have a bit of a laugh that a misery who stands there , clocking everyone else and passing judgement. Life is short, so what if you had a few drinks and enjoyed yourself , ignore them and don’t change for anyone

M0rT · 05/04/2021 12:35

Honestly I'd be tearing into my DH if he thought it appropriate to criticise my behaviour in front of anyone else!
Stop justifying yourself and tell your DH before you meet with your friends in two weeks that you don't want him to say a word about it.
If he brings it up lay out how much having such a severely introverted husband who can't tolerate 3.5hrs in his own sister and her families company has been detrimental to your life.
It's fine to be different and have different needs to socialise/recharge alone.
It is not fine to treat you like a loser because you don't have the same needs as them.

Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:35

I think there is something in the fact they may have found it hard to be immersed into the natural noise of a group, and it was quite full on when we arrived from a quiet car to that. I do understand that this might have been overwhelming. I just picked up a glass and joined in, they obviously didn't but seemed chatty and happy to join in. Maybe it was boring for them.

frog my teen dc think any drinking of any kind is for idiots. I am glad they have this view for their health, but it does tip into being slightly virtuous at times, maybe not intentionally.

OP posts:
mam0918 · 05/04/2021 12:36

I get the feeling just from the OP that you where pissed and innapropriate.

People who are drunk and embarassing never accept they are drunk, they tell people they are 'fine' and 'just having a laugh' everything you said sounds like a drunkard justifying themselves and its rarely everyone elses thats wrong especially if they where the sober ones.

SarahBellam · 05/04/2021 12:36

They sound like pompous arses. Don’t take the teens next time. Get the judgey husband to drop you off and go and sit in the car for a few hours until you want to go home.

worriedatthemoment · 05/04/2021 12:36

I’d like to hear your teens side of the story actually OP. My DM has been a functioning alcoholic for years, and she would frequently show us up at family dos and such. Getting louder and louder, losing her filter and generally making an arse of herself. She’d say we were miserable killjoys as well.
Unfair to judge based in your experience OP clearly said she hasn't been out obviously due to lockdown
My teenager was embarrassed when he see me drunk once but soon less so when I picked him up from a party , drunk and he realised his parents are also human
Big difference to once in a while to being a alcoholic and OP mentioned not having a drink for a while

sauvignonblancplz · 05/04/2021 12:37

How old exactly are your teens? What’s your relationship like outside of this? Are you nurturing & have other activities you enjoy together?

shiningcuckoo · 05/04/2021 12:39

A mid life crisis? A dtunkard? Jesus wept. Your teens had no right to be so rude and if your DH has a problem with you being fun and sociable with HIS family, he should be a bit more considerate if he wants to talk about it. Or keep his opinion to himself. Perhaps the latter.

LittleTiger007 · 05/04/2021 12:39

I would have the conversation over a meal (or wherever your family naturally chats) today about how you are an extrovert (or have extrovert tendencies that need venting at times) and that you respect that they are not, but that it’s good to socialise at times. It’s healthy to be social and many people are. You don’t inflict it upon them often but it wouldn’t hurt them to support your need to see people again after the long months of lock down. Use it as a learning experience for your kids and husband so that they can try to see your point of view - in a non judgemental way.

Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:39

My DM has been a functioning alcoholic for years, and she would frequently show us up at family dos and such

I know one or two people like this too, and I am definitely not one of them! A few drinks on Easter Sunday doesn't usually make anyone a functioning alcoholic. I can imagine it must be awful to grow up with that.

OP posts:
OxanaVorontsova · 05/04/2021 12:40

OMG there are some sanctimonious old farts on this thread!

funnylittlefloozie · 05/04/2021 12:40

Loving the posts from the po-faced fun sponges who turn up en masse every time there is a thread that mentions drinking!

OP, your family sound like a sadly joyless bunch. Leave them at home, and come to mine for cocktails and bbq!!

MissTT85 · 05/04/2021 12:41

As long as you had a good time, I wouldn't worry, you cant please everyone.