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Original poster

Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

430 replies

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 11:53

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

OP posts:
BouleBaker · 05/04/2021 12:56

I was one your side until you labelled them as them as boring, not able to have fun, and generally unable to enjoy themselves. They do, just not by being loud and raucous. It sounds like the respect needs go both ways. I loath loud raucous groups but am perfectly able to have fun and enjoy myself, and the fact you think that those 2 are mutually exclusive is probably not helping.

MyDcAreMarvel · 05/04/2021 12:56

@Mellonsprite Wow, if listening to Spanish guitar music for 3 hrs with family and a bit of wine (after we’ve been in a lockdown for a year), is judged as a mid life crisis then a lot of us are screwed!
It’s not, however the op was drunk, and humiliated her dc by her behaviour. It clearly wasn’t 2 or 3 glasses of wine and chatting normally over lunch.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 12:56

My teens are teetotal. My daughter is very sportive and won't even drink all those rank energy drinks a lot of teens drink, or any fizzy drinks, just tea in the morning with milk, very diet conscious, but she'd have just stayed home if she wasn't into it. DH is teetotal and would never tell me off the way yours did.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 05/04/2021 12:56

I think many parents on here would swap their children for your DC, OP, if some of the discussions on the teenagers thread are representative!

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 12:57

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Mellonsprite* Wow, if listening to Spanish guitar music for 3 hrs with family and a bit of wine (after we’ve been in a lockdown for a year), is judged as a mid life crisis then a lot of us are screwed!*
It’s not, however the op was drunk, and humiliated her dc by her behaviour. It clearly wasn’t 2 or 3 glasses of wine and chatting normally over lunch.[/quote]
Were you there then?

Floralnomad · 05/04/2021 12:57

@Youseethethingis

Nobody is right or wrong but in future leave your children at home otherwise you may find that in the future when they have left home and got families of their own they choose not to socialise with you as you embarrass them It’s not much of a loss of they don’t like seeing anyone or going anywhere, is it? And worse, they don’t like seeing their own mother laughing and happy!
No they don’t like being embarrassed by their mother being tipsy and loud and they are perfectly entitled to feel like that .
Howshouldibehave · 05/04/2021 12:57

Would you be happy to drive the fiancé there yourself and see them without your DH/kids in future?

Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:57

I actually sat with both of my teens the whole time, ensuring they had enough to eat, soft drinks etc. Drawing the younger one into the conversation, and chatting to them. Of course I checked they were okay, as did dh. We spoke about it all before we got there. I would never just leave them to it, even with family. My SIL loves the dc, and spent ages chatting to them. We are a close family, they are also included.

It has become a little more difficult for them, as their cousins are older and adults, and drink cocktails, so dc were the only ones drinking water, but they were fine. Maybe it went on too long admittedly in their view.

I think leaving any sooner would have been highly embarrassing personally given the trouble SIL went to decorating the garden, and the loveliest cooking.

OP posts:
mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 05/04/2021 12:57

Sounds like you have had to tip toe round your DH for years, he doesnt really drink, doesnt really like socialising so you tend to go on your own. So it is no wonder your DC are used to being on there own or just with dad whilst mum pops out. Sounds like he talks openly to them about you and interesting they think drinking is for idiots. Wonder where that has come from. Your DH is a bully, he can have his own issues around your behaviour however getting the DC involved to mock there mum is a step too far. Personally I couldnt live with a man who doesnt love me for me. I am loud and outgoing and enjoy socialising, my DH is the opposite unless it is with his very close friends. He has never mocked me for having fun or tried to humiliate me infront of my DC. Your problem here is your DH........

Oneearringlost · 05/04/2021 12:58

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
Nasty
rc22 · 05/04/2021 12:58

I'm introverted and have issues with more extroverted family and friends complaining that I am reluctant to have a 'good time.' This seems like reverse of that and I think your husband is being a bit unreasonable. Less so your teenagers as they're probably just going through the 'my parents are excruciatingly embarrassing' phase anyway. They may prefer to be given the option to do their own thing rather than going to a family gathering anyway.

Howshouldibehave · 05/04/2021 12:59

Is SIL your husband’s sister? What’s their general relationship like?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 05/04/2021 12:59

Op, you are fine. Glad you had a good time. I’m going to assume your afternoon didn’t involve dancing on tables, vomiting, drunken brawls, or any other over the top antics.

I can imagine the scene from your description. Arriving to your family’s home sunshine, Spanish guitar wafting in the breeze, big yells and hugs, laughter, cocktails, funny stories, maybe a couple off ‘whoops’, more laughter, good food...

Yes, all the introverts got their time, time for them to suck it up and let others play. Next time tell your family in no uncertain terms to get over themselves. Go, enjoy the family and make sure you tell lots of stories how you’d all better be careful lest your fun police DH and DC turn their disapproval on the them.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 05/04/2021 13:00

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
This^
VerityWibbleWobble · 05/04/2021 13:00

Loving the posts from the po-faced fun sponges who turn up en masse every time there is a thread that mentions drinking!

My post isn't me being a fun sponge, I'm far louder than dh when I've had a glass of wine in the sun in PIL's garden but I do moderate myself because of the teens. I'm not being sanctimonious btw, it's just my preference.

However the Op set the scene in her opening post with this;

We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

How else are we supposed to read it?

Soothes · 05/04/2021 13:01

@mellicauli

You took your lead from your hosts, which is polite and appropriate. If you get to a social events and the hosts are saying “partayyy”, then party you must. If they are saying let’s sit down and have a deep talk about Brexit, then you take a deep breath and get in with that .

If you had all sat there like wet weekends your hosts would have felt bad,

I love nothing more than a drunken "putting the world to rights" discussion Grin
LookAChicken · 05/04/2021 13:01

Try to ignore teenagers. They can be cruel.

Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 13:01

My teens are teetotal. My daughter is very sportive and won't even drink all those rank energy drinks a lot of teens drink, or any fizzy drinks, just tea in the morning with milk, very diet conscious

That is my dc to a tee, and I think they are pretty amazing. They are vegans and massively into the climate, conservation etc. I am really proud of them. It does not mean I have to be the same as them though. We can be different and still be respectful.

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 05/04/2021 13:01

No they don’t like being embarrassed by their mother being tipsy and loud and they are perfectly entitled to feel like that
They can feel how they like but they should try getting over themselves before making OP feel like shit for having fun for the first time in a year.

MyDcAreMarvel · 05/04/2021 13:03

@Itsalonghaul I cried every Friday and Saturday night as I added up the lost evenings. lost of evening of being unable to get drunk with family and friends? Those evenings were not lost! There are many things you could have done.

My family has been shielding the entire year with no breaks on consultants advice, and unable to spend anytime with anyone other than my dc and dh. Yes I have missed people but we have taken the opportunity to enjoy quality time as a family, game nights, movie nights. Late night trips to Costa drive through with different children and a blanket.
Most of my children have disabilities as do I do. life is very fully with meeting their needs.
Many thousands of people have spent countless evenings crying from bereavement or job losses , worrying they will loose their homes. You really need to get a sense of prospective and be thankful for what you do have.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/04/2021 13:03

@BouleBaker

I was one your side until you labelled them as them as boring, not able to have fun, and generally unable to enjoy themselves. They do, just not by being loud and raucous. It sounds like the respect needs go both ways. I loath loud raucous groups but am perfectly able to have fun and enjoy myself, and the fact you think that those 2 are mutually exclusive is probably not helping.
No one should have to drink to be classed as having fun.

I’m with your DH and children, it was the middle of the day so getting drunk would have seemed very inappropriate to me as well.

Cactus1982 · 05/04/2021 13:03

@BouleBaker

I was one your side until you labelled them as them as boring, not able to have fun, and generally unable to enjoy themselves. They do, just not by being loud and raucous. It sounds like the respect needs go both ways. I loath loud raucous groups but am perfectly able to have fun and enjoy myself, and the fact you think that those 2 are mutually exclusive is probably not helping.
Yep, that’s a red flag to me as well. My DM calls anyone who doesn’t drink ‘boring’ or ‘weird’ as well. It’s a classic deflection tactic used by alcoholics to present themselves as fun, life and soul of the party types and the rest of us as sad and boring fun suckers. When the truth is there is nothing more tedious than a drunk ruining a social event.

Obviously I’m not saying the OP has a problem, but some of the terminology she’s used is worrying. Her DH and kids just like doing things differently to her, it doesn’t make them wrong.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 13:03

You're fine, Its. Leave them at home next time!

Cowbells · 05/04/2021 13:03

@VerityWibbleWobble

So you were in the garden with blaring music and getting pissed?

I'm with your family on this one.

Were the neighbours impressed?

How appalling it would be to live next door to people and have to suffer hearing them have fun!
CatalinaCasesolver · 05/04/2021 13:03

God there are some joyless, judgemental fun sponges on this thread!

It must be really hard to feel ganged up on by your family.

I think you sound like an absolute hoot and I'd love to dance around in the garden with you and a few glasses of wine!