Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

[Itsalonghaul]

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

LemonMeringueThreePointOneFour

Music is blaring...

Well if no-one had the self-awareness to realise that this could be annoying for the neighbours I'm inclined to believe it's very plausible that those who were drinking were also a bit loud and racous.

Goodness, at least read the OPs comments even if you can't be bothered to RTFT. There are no near neighbours, so you can unclench ...

My dc say no filter to anything and everything actually grey, but not usually to me!! Probably because I do make an effort to be sensitive most of the time.

Maybe dh felt bad in hindsight, as it was def a conversation about me being loud opposed to everyone. I am not going to pick over it, and make into a huge thing. He knows I am upset, and he is rowing back a bit.

@TheWernethWife

*I have just had a chat with dc outside. It turns out that they just don't like family events anymore full stop. It was fun when they were younger, less so now. I asked them if I said anything that made them uncomfortable and they said no, but they would prefer to leave after an hour and a half or something like that. It was enough after an hour.

I did ask dh why loud, and he said he found the whole thing loud, not just me*

So posters, we now have the truth.

All this is very nice, but to my mind does not excuse the 'pile-on' as described by op, and her DH belittling her in front of the children. Seems that tolerance of different personalities and ways of enjoyment only goes one way in that family

Yes quite lucielle it was a fun afternoon, and I am sorry it was not everyone's cup of tea, but who needs tea when you can have wine!

Plenty of time to drink tea at parties when I am eighty plus (and maybe not even then) when I am half way to heaven/hell delete where necessary.

Feeling MUCH better for reading this thread, and thank you to all that have offered me invites to BBQs and parties and offers of adoption. I appreciate them all - but will come on my own if thats okay

I was drunk yesterday. Not falling around drunk, but merry. Enjoying myself with family and a bottle of wine.

If my teens had an issue with that then it's a shame, but not a reason for me to change my perfectly acceptable behaviour. If you were all drunk, falling around, throwing up, fighting etc they may have a point. Having fun, maybe being a bit silly is fine.

It's OK to have fun. Teens can get embarrassed by the smallest of things.

I think leaving them at home next time if it isn't their scene is a good shout.

Some of the replies here are hilarious. Some are nasty and downright baffling.

You sound my sort of person op.
Life is for living and the last year has been crap-it was lovely to be outside with family this weekend.

I think your DDs have some maturing to do tbh. As do all teens!!!

They have happily let you run around after them and do lots of things they like for the last year, they seem pretty oblivious to how deep the loss of your friend has been. Your DH hasn't been very understanding either has he?

I feel pretty cross on your behalf!

They have happily let you run around after them and do lots of things they like for the last year, they seem pretty oblivious to how deep the loss of your friend has been. Your DH hasn't been very understanding either has he?

So true RandomMess - OP sounds like my neighbour, works full time and every Saturday she was out at 8.00am taking her kids to football practice (different parts of the town) and then picking them up again. Her DH was sat at home.

OP,
I think you sound like a lovely woman.
So sad you have had a hard year, with a terrible loss of your friend.

You are obviously very considerate of your family.

I mean this kindly, but I think your husband and your children have shown such disrespect and selfishness towards you.

After all you have been through that they couldn't be pleased for you.

The selfishness of not being able to put up with visiting family for a couple of hours.

Your husband sounds like a real controlling unpleasant piece of work, putting you down in front of your children for the huge crime of enjoying a couple of hours levity after the past year.

They should be ashamed of themselves, and you should have a long hard think about why they felt so entitled to spoil your afternoon with their remarks.

Teens often aren't pushed about visiting family but I would be utterly mortified if mine were so selfish and self absorbed not to be able to put up with it for a couple of hours a couple of times a year.

They have explained their rudeness by not wanting to be there so long.

Pity about them.
They should be ashamed of themselves as should your poor excuse of a husband.

You are far too nice for your own good.

You sound lovely and I’m so glad you had a nice afternoon, it really shouldn’t be too much to ask. Since you accept and respect your husband and children’s preferences, that courtesy should be extended and if it were me, I wouldn’t accept such bad manners.

"18:21Lassolarry1980

Anoisagusaris

3 small glasses of wine over 3.5hrs is very abstentions 🤨

I’d be drunk. Properly drunk!! Nothing on me, rarely drink and... lightweight"

In 3.5 hours with food? Not many people I know would be after 3 small glasses of wine. Glad for you that you don't drink but peopke who do are always alcoholics.

NOT alcoholics.

Really bad type.

Typo

@AliceMadHatter - are you...drunk??

3.5 hours is the length of some movies. It is not too much to expect your kids to go and see family for that every few months. I’m tee total but have no issues with anyone drinking. Some people on here have coloured opinions on this I think. Desperately trying to make you sound a total lush. The age of your teenagers means it’s natural for them to find you embarrassing sometimes, for anything! The problem is that because of your husbands opinions on it he is happy for the three of them to gang up on you about it. That’s unacceptable. I wouldn’t treat my spouse or mother with that lack of respect. But maybe at that age I would’ve. You’ll possibly find once the teenage stage is over they will be happy to partake in some social stuff with you and the family. Your husband moaning about you going out with friends even when you’re driving and drinking juice, needs to stop sharpish! Don’t put up with that. You don’t have toddlers to get up for in the morning. If you’re too noisy you could sleep on the couch if need be. You are allowed to have fun. You’re not doing anything wrong. Stop letting him control this part of you.

[quote GravityFalls]@AliceMadHatter - are you...drunk??[/quote]
I knew someone would ask that. No my reading glasses were in the other room.

To be fair I have a 14 year old Son and he would have been bored as anything. My DH likes a beer but if he was driving he would have just enjoyed himself without a drink. They wouldn't have criticised me but they may have moaned it went on too long if the drive back was long.

[quote GravityFalls]@AliceMadHatter - are you...drunk??[/quote]
Predictable and incorrect.

I am quite surprised at all those saying “go alone”. I love my sister in law but if I turned up at her house fir a family do without my husband, her brother, she’d be very hurt. Especially if it’s only expected around three times a year.
Teen dc get a pass for a few years if they’re painfully self conscious or stroppy but there is still some sense that it is polite to make an effort with close family a few times a year even if it’s not your first choice of social gathering.

If you really want to embarrass your teens get pregnant. Nothing is worse for a teenager than all their friends realising that their crusty old parents still dtd

I love my sister in law but if I turned up at her house fir a family do without my husband, her brother, she’d be very hurt

Yes I would be worried about that too, that or we were close or have actually broken up. It might even feel uncomfortable for her. We could together in future without dc.

Getting pregnant would be unforgivable, up there with showing my granny pants at the school prom pick up. In fact, I was thinking they have been rather blessed to have such a tame mother

OP, your family sound like a sadly joyless bunch. Leave them at home, and come to mine for cocktails and bbq!!

That's a lovely comment.
Can I come too?

As a teenager I would have loved an afternoon like this with family! My mum is teetotal (no bad relationship with alcohol, I’ve never seen her drunk and she just doesn’t like it) but my dad isn’t, and I would have loved drinking and enjoying myself with him especially. It’s fair enough that your teens are different but it honestly does not sound like anything out of the ordinary. Plus, frankly who cares if they were embarrassed? Clearly the rest of the family you were with were drinking too and it’s not like you were showing them up in front of their mates. If parents went to great pains not to embarrass their teens they’d never be doing anything at all. Can’t believe some people think YABU.

But surely the SIL knows her brother doesn’t enjoy or feel comfortable in these kinds of occasions so wouldn’t read anything negative in to it?