Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

[Itsalonghaul]

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

I’m confused and think there’s a half a story here . So your children are young teenagers who have lots of hobbies that have no doubt been curtailed through lockdown , they’ve been dragged to an adult party where they had to sit and listen to adult chat and their mother getting loud . Listen I’m all for it and completely agree that your husband being disparaging in front or behind your kids back is bloody uncalled for as you are in fact an adult.
But my advice and only because you’ve asked for it is your kids had a shite time!
They are cross, awkward and embarrassed don’t drag them in future . You shouldn’t curtail your personality but maybe be conscious of their feelings more .

I am the daughter of an alcoholic who always favoured herself having a good time over myself so could be massively projecting .

Hopefully you can let your hair down guilt free soon.

@Itsalonghaul

I have some fun loving friends, and dh is always moaning about them, so I see them alone and we have fun and I can be myself. In two weekends we are going out, and I am dreading the lectures already. Even if I drink soft drinks and drive home as I often do, he will say it is too late or find some excuse to complain about it. I really need to be able socialise, and not feel bad for enjoying the company of others. It is almost like they don't like it, so no one is allowed.

I spent longer than I'd have chosen with my ILs yesterday because my husband enjoyed it, and I drive so didn't drink.

There's a strong whiff of contempt for your husband though which I find quite distasteful - especially since you extend that to your own children!

I find it a bit of a red flag when someone describes "fun" as being exclusively loud, lairy and raucous. It's also normal to have friends you enjoy being with in a different way to your partner without making it an "us vs them" thing.

The fact that three people agree that you were loud doesn't mean they're right, but the fact that you are launching sneery attacks on them as boring inclines me to think that they may have a point.

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@Mellonsprite* Wow, if listening to Spanish guitar music for 3 hrs with family and a bit of wine (after we’ve been in a lockdown for a year), is judged as a mid life crisis then a lot of us are screwed!*
It’s not, however the op was drunk, and humiliated her dc by her behaviour. It clearly wasn’t 2 or 3 glasses of wine and chatting normally over lunch.[/quote]
@MyDcAreMarvel she said she didn’t humiliate herself though.

My teen DS is mortally embarrassed by me just speaking at a normal volume in the background when he’s on face time with his mates. Or even speaking to his mates when they used to come to our house. It literally takes nothing to embarrass a teenager.

What made them say you had lost your filter?

I've worked throughout this pandemic in a school. Every day.

Despite that it's been stifling - I agree. And that's with limited contact through work.

The day we returned to normal classes on 8th March in our normal class groups me and my colleagues were worse than the children 🙈🤣

Sometimes it's absolutely fine to be a little bit "more" than usual and to let your hair down.

I'd not worked in our classroom with my team since before we wished each other happy Xmas and went home. This was after a quieter school Xmas than usual and half and half being in tier 4.

I don't drink and it doesn't bother me others do and I'll happily drive.
It doesn't sound like you did anything different to the hosts and therefore your behaviour was acceptable imo.

And if they want daddy to be favourite latent let him do all the parenting and you live your life!

It’s time your DC realised that different people enjoy different things and enjoying a glass of two of wine and a bit of banter and music is pretty normal for most people and not embarrassing or sad just because it’s not (currently) their thing.

Judging others is pretty unpleasant and won’t win them many friends. Obviously judging your parents when you are teens is pretty standard but they could do with a chat about keeping their views to themselves or simply being more accepting of others’ choices.

I don’t know their ages but there’s definitely a point with younger teens when they don’t feel as if they fit in. Too old to want to be children but much younger than their cousins and not really feeling comfortable with them. This passes.

YANBU and a chat is definitely in order.

OP how dare you laugh out loud, drink some wine and enjoy the company of others after all these months in lock down. The happiness of your dh and teens should always come first don't you know. Perhaps it's time to take up knitting or start doing jigsaws or something.. 🙄

Honesrly, they sound like they had no regard for you! If they are introverted then they can enjoy their time at home but that does not mean they get to take away your ability to enjoy a bit of fun and a few drinks. Please don't allow yourself to feel bad about this!!

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Op, you are fine. Glad you had a good time. I’m going to assume your afternoon didn’t involve dancing on tables, vomiting, drunken brawls, or any other over the top antics.

I can imagine the scene from your description. Arriving to your family’s home sunshine, Spanish guitar wafting in the breeze, big yells and hugs, laughter, cocktails, funny stories, maybe a couple off ‘whoops’, more laughter, good food...

Yes, all the introverts got their time, time for them to suck it up and let others play. Next time tell your family in no uncertain terms to get over themselves. Go, enjoy the family and make sure you tell lots of stories how you’d all better be careful lest your fun police DH and DC turn their disapproval on the them.

You sound like of those annoying extroverts who thinks everyone who isn’t a ‘look at me’ loud mouth like yourself is really boring.

How about you get over yourself?

My heart would sink if I turned up in the middle of the day for a nice afternoon with family with ‘music blaring’ and people already half cut.
You can have a few drinks, a laugh and a catch up without it being a party.

Were the neighbours impressed?

I’ve loved hearing the sound of garden get togethers the last few days. It’s been so lovely to hear people enjoying themselves.

How anyone could object to that in the middle of the afternoon is beyond me.

@annie335

OP how dare you laugh out loud, drink some wine and enjoy the company of others after all these months in lock down. The happiness of your dh and teens should always come first don't you know. Perhaps it's time to take up knitting or start doing jigsaws or something.. 🙄

Hmm... maybe not knitting. IMO, knitters are a drunken, foul mouthed lot, who make things like Willy warmers.

They seem so suck the joy out of everything you do!

I agree. I couldn't bear drunken loud mouthed get togethers. You should be happy your teenagers aren't comfortable with it.

I would regularly embarrass teen DS with the tiniest things
"Mum, you've got toe polish on!!" in an utterly horrified voice.
And "bleurgh -- you're wearing eye makeup , " (meaning 'how very dare you, you're my mum.)
He grew out of it.

I can see both sides, I am very extrovert and socialise a lot more than my teen DCs or DH, but I would feel awkward in a garden with music blaring and free flowing alcohol on Easter Sunday, I'm much more sit and chat over a coffee or takeaway type socialiser.

However it was rude of your DH and DCs to tell you off like that. Next time either they should go off and find a quieter bit of garden if they just want to chat with cousins or whatever, that's what I do at weddings when it's full on music and dancing.

I do many things with my family that I do not really enjoy. We play tons of board games, they like quizzes (I am rubbish at them) I have stood supporting them on wet freezing sporting fields more times than I can list, I have driven them and down the country for fixtures and competitions. I have spent every afternoon/evening of the lockdown cooking, baking, making every smoothie known to man, making pots and candles and I have spent hours coming up with lovely ideas for family time.
They have all enjoyed not having to do anywhere or see anyone, and I understand for them this is a great thing.

I lost a friend in the summer, it was big loss for me. Massive. So it has taken a while to get over it. If I want to enjoy one sunny afternoon with my family celebrating the end of the lockdown, I will.
I am sorry this is the end of hibernation, and I can see that not everyone welcomes a return to normality and that is understandable but for me it can't come a minute too soon!

Did you vomit and catch it in your skirt?
Take off your top and run around?
Where you belligerent?
If the answer is no to the above and you just had a normal few drinks and a laugh then they need to lighten up. Also it sounds like you were there for a short time, when I’m at my brothers who only lives a short time drive away id be there double the time you were, if I was a long drive away we would stay over. You sounded fine- don’t let them get you down.

@Cactus1982

🤣 struck a nerve there didn’t I? Hope you have a wonderful day, be careful though you might happen upon people having fun and enjoying being out in the world.

Just laugh about the fact that it should be the other way round, ie you moaning at the teens. That's what I do.

@Viviennemary

I agree. I couldn't bear drunken loud mouthed get togethers. You should be happy your teenagers aren't comfortable with it.

Of course she should. Everyone wants their kids to be sanctimonious little killjoys. 🙄

Also everything about parents is embarrassing when you’re a teenager so I’d just tell them not to be so rude.

^^ this. If you're a parent of a teen even your breathing is embarrassing. I wonder how my teens would cope if I actually did something embarrassing.

Please don't tar all the introverts with the same brush! I'm very much an introvert, but last summer, after lockdown, I went to several outdoor lunches - where groups of friends/relatives who hadn't seen each other in real life for ages met together. And, we all talked and laughed lots! Sometimes drink was taken, but sometimes because of driving it wasn't, but it didn't seem to affect the amount of talking and laughing. And, I found it glorious and wouldn't have missed it for the world - I may not have participated as much as some of the more extrovert characters, and I may have needed to go home to recharge my batteries afterward, but being around people I'd missed was absolutely brilliant. Can't wait to do it all again this year.

I know there's been a shift away from drinking in teens and young people but I still think the "everyone who drinks is stupid" view is extreme. My teen DC drink very rarely, but they're still happy to pour me a drink and to share a meal that includes wines.