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Original poster

Easter lunch - who is right him or me?

430 replies

Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 11:53

We were lucky to have a family invite for Easter lunch yesterday.
We arrived and BIL and SIL were clearly tipsy and in high spirits already. Music is blaring, everyone was drinking wine. It was sunny and lovely outside, and none of us have been out for four months with 'other people'. Drinks were flowing. Everyone laughing all good.

Dh barely drinks so is always happy to drive. SIL and family and I are having a blast, and to be fair we were having a great time. I have two teens. We left around 3 and a half hours later. Given it takes nearly two hours to get there - it is always usually an afternoon.

On the way home Dh tells me I was too loud. Teens then join in and to be fair they consider any kind of drinking 'sad' and for 'old people' and so were not impressed, they apparently were bored and wanted to leave earlier, and told me I have 'lost my filter' I actually felt like I was being told off on the way home, like a naughty child - I am nearly 50!

My view is that its our first day out after lockdown, a few drinks is to be expected and I think it was fun, what is the problem?!

Both dh and dc are quite open about being introverted, I am the opposite, and live for friends and family and I have really missed laughing with others. Honestly it has been endless this winter for me.
They are not keen on the lockdown ending and all three socialise reluctantly. I am usually mindful of this, and respect our differences, but they seem to look down on me, as if wanting to be with other people is some kind of weakness or sin.

Should I have stuck to one drink and left early as they would have preferred? Or right to enjoy what short time I had having fun whilst I could? I am feeling bad this morning, when actually all I did was relax and have a few drinks in the sunshine (at no point was I actually drunk or anything!)

OP posts:
thelegohooverer · 05/04/2021 12:41

Teens are supposed to be embarrassed by their parents. My dm wore colours that were too bright, earrings that were too obvious, and laughed - not even that loudly but it made me cringe. So honestly your teens found par for the course. Pay them no heed!

Your dh on the other hand is completely out of line. He shouldn’t tolerate the dc speaking disrespectfully to you, let alone join in. And your updates about his disapproval’s of you spending time with friends are unreasonable.

Introverts and extroverts have different needs and we have to tolerate each other. I’m an introvert by the way, and I’d probably have hated that party. But I still think your family aren’t being fair.

YouShouldLeave · 05/04/2021 12:42

@VerityWibbleWobble

So you were in the garden with blaring music and getting pissed?

I'm with your family on this one.

Were the neighbours impressed?

This one here.
Soothes · 05/04/2021 12:42

frog my teen dc think any drinking of any kind is for idiots. I am glad they have this view for their health, but it does tip into being slightly virtuous at times, maybe not intentionally.

Hmm, isn't that a fairly extreme view for teens who have been brought up around someone who enjoys a social drink without it becoming a problem? I wonder what it is that has made them form that view?

Cactus1982 · 05/04/2021 12:42

@worriedatthemoment

I’d like to hear your teens side of the story actually OP. My DM has been a functioning alcoholic for years, and she would frequently show us up at family dos and such. Getting louder and louder, losing her filter and generally making an arse of herself. She’d say we were miserable killjoys as well. Unfair to judge based in your experience OP clearly said she hasn't been out obviously due to lockdown My teenager was embarrassed when he see me drunk once but soon less so when I picked him up from a party , drunk and he realised his parents are also human Big difference to once in a while to being a alcoholic and OP mentioned not having a drink for a while
No one has been out though have they? So that’s not an excuse. I accept I may be projecting a little bit here because this would happen every time we went anywhere. If it had been a one off it would be funny and we could laugh about it, but my DM was incapable of having a few drinks and letting her hair down because she in incapable of moderating her intake and so would make a show of herself. I can honestly say there is not a single family party she hasn’t ruined.
cariadlet · 05/04/2021 12:44

I don't think anybody here is right or wrong; you just have different personalities and different ways of enjoying yourselves.

To many extroverts, the last year has been tedious and depressing, and the chance to meet friends and family outside has come as a huge relief.

To many introverts, the last year has been relaxing, the lack of social obligations has been a relief and having to spend time with loud people (who generally become even louder when they are drinking) is overwhelming.

To teens, parents are always embarrassing and having to drive a couple of hours to sit in a garden with a bunch of adults must have been incredibly tedious.

Presumably you and your dh have other things in common and have plenty of reasons for loving each other. Just accept that you enjoy socialising in different ways and arrange plenty of meet ups with your friends and family minus your dh.

ElBandito · 05/04/2021 12:44

Your kids sound really unkind. I think if I had the chance to sit in the sun and eat a meal that I hadn't cooked for a change I would be ecstatic and happy too!
Do they care about you and how hard you've found this year? No, they just care about their own feelings. You mention that you understand them and their personalities, but they aren't extending any of that care or understanding to you. You're just 'Mum' and you shouldn't really have a life outside that which they want you to have.
And it was only family, not like you were embarrassing (allegedly) in front of their friends.

ConstanceGracy · 05/04/2021 12:44

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
Wow.. what a horrible comment . Are you one of these people who “live for” their children and everything revolves around them ? Parents are allowed to enjoy themselves and have a good time! Op, I feel for you and I hope you’ve said something to them as that was rude and uncalled .
Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:45

Thank you funny I will be there in a shot!

OP posts:
PembrokeshireDreaming · 05/04/2021 12:46

It was a family day out and it sounds like you enjoyed yourself at the expense of the others.

Floralnomad · 05/04/2021 12:50

Nobody is right or wrong but in future leave your children at home otherwise you may find that in the future when they have left home and got families of their own they choose not to socialise with you as you embarrass them .

sauvignonblancplz · 05/04/2021 12:51

It was a family day out and it sounds like you enjoyed yourself at the expense of the others

Yeah this I what I am thinking too. Would it have been a hard situation for your teens to adjust to as well? Did you check in on them if they were having a nice time.
I’m not a killjoy but know my teens sometimes don’t enjoy family get togethers the way they use to as they are a bit awkward and aware of them selves . I tend to ensure I enjoy myself but not completely ignore them.
4hours in a car and then mum being embarrassing sounds like a pretty rotten Easter . They’ve been in lockdown too.
I think maybe a better balance could have been achieved - next time go on your own.

Tisgrand · 05/04/2021 12:51

OP you've had some really nasty replies from the dry shites on this thread. Please ignore them, they're just enjoying hoicking up their judgy pants after a long lockdown when there was no one and nothing for them to judge.

I say that as someone who's more introvert than extravert btw. My DH would be you in this situation. As some PPs have pointed out, your DH should have reserved his comments until you were alone. Any nasty comments from your teens should have been met with "do not speak to your mother like that". And if the opportunity for a meet-up comes again, tell them all that you fully intend to enjoy yourself, and if they don't like that it's fine but judging people is a very nasty trait which can severely limit one's social circle. Cos y'know, some people like to have fun!

secondtimebuyer1 · 05/04/2021 12:51

@PembrokeshireDreaming

It was a family day out and it sounds like you enjoyed yourself at the expense of the others.
Yes, OP. Don't forget your place as a woman, mother and wife is to ensure you don't cause any embarrassment to your husband or children. Hmm

You should have curtailed your own behaviour at the expense of your own enjoyment because your family are boring.

Original poster
Itsalonghaul · 05/04/2021 12:52

soothes Dc distaste for alcohol is based on sports and well being, both dc are massively into self care and are academic. Their idea of hell is going to a party. They are always outside playing sports. One is massively into horses etc. No interest at all in partying or drinking. All of them friends are the same. It is not a new breed of teens, but I think a natural shift, which is actually a good thing.

Usually it is fine because we only go out to maybe four family functions a year maximum, and mostly they are quiet affairs - lunch and christmas on Boxing day etc. This time though it was different, def more of a summer fun feeling and as I say it felt like the end of the lockdown had a arrived and we were all celebrating.

OP posts:
autumnboys · 05/04/2021 12:53

I’m an introvert and even I think your family sound like a miserable bunch. I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. They’ve obviously loved lockdown, but you haven’t and you’re allowed to enjoy yourself. Good idea to have a chat with your DH about the timing of those sorts of convos and not including the children. I have teens of my own and I’m aware they can be incredibly sanctimonious sometimes. Flowers

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 12:53

I'd have waved them off and got a taxi back. Fuck them. Stop curtailing your life round them. Do as you please. They find it 'sad' they can jog on.

Budsey · 05/04/2021 12:53

ooooo I find that a wee bit controlling ? you havnt been out for sooo long and you enjoyed your self ...I get that teenagers can be a wee bit tragic at times are they mimicking your husbands behaviour ? leave them all at home and enjoy your self you say there were no close neighbours so no -one else got twitchy ......you are who you are have a real gooood loud laugh !!!! we live in a world that we have been forced to conform to lock down for gods sake ...its ok to be different honest !!!!

tinglymint · 05/04/2021 12:53

I'm an introvert but still love having fun with friends and family. Your husband and kids sound a tad boring miserable, too set in their ways and judgemental!

Leave them at home next time.

Woodlandbelle · 05/04/2021 12:54

The responses are so wierd. Of course you were right to enjoy a party. My dh is quiet and told me early on not to tell people anything when we socialised as he's quite private. We should all be allowed to be our own people. Next time I would have massive word before hand (or maybe today) that they are controlling and stopping you from living.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 05/04/2021 12:54

An afternoon having a drink and a laugh now = a midlife crisis?
The misogyny is strong with this one.

AliceMadHatter · 05/04/2021 12:55

@MyDcAreMarvel

How horrible for your teens , you clearly were drunk and embarrassing yourself and them. Have your midlife crisis in your own time. If you have to get drunk and humiliate your children to enjoy life maybe think about a hobby.
Midlife crisis 😂

How dare you at your age?

Seriously, you enjoyed yourself. Then again, never ever talk about drinking alcohol on here.

annie335 · 05/04/2021 12:55

OP it sounds as though you had a lovely time. There was no harm done so what's their problem? They sound miserable!

Cactus1982 · 05/04/2021 12:55

@Tisgrand

OP you've had some really nasty replies from the dry shites on this thread. Please ignore them, they're just enjoying hoicking up their judgy pants after a long lockdown when there was no one and nothing for them to judge.

I say that as someone who's more introvert than extravert btw. My DH would be you in this situation. As some PPs have pointed out, your DH should have reserved his comments until you were alone. Any nasty comments from your teens should have been met with "do not speak to your mother like that". And if the opportunity for a meet-up comes again, tell them all that you fully intend to enjoy yourself, and if they don't like that it's fine but judging people is a very nasty trait which can severely limit one's social circle. Cos y'know, some people like to have fun!

Anyone want to play ‘spot the pisshead’ with me? 😉

Calling people who are teetotal or who drink responsibly ‘dry shites’ says far more about you than it does the rest of us. Maybe we’re all just bit fed up with lairy drunks who can’t control their alcohol consumption ruining every social occasion we attend?

mellicauli · 05/04/2021 12:55

You took your lead from your hosts, which is polite and appropriate. If you get to a social events and the hosts are saying “partayyy”, then party you must. If they are saying let’s sit down and have a deep talk about Brexit, then you take a deep breath and get in with that .

If you had all sat there like wet weekends your hosts would have felt bad,

Youseethethingis · 05/04/2021 12:55

Nobody is right or wrong but in future leave your children at home otherwise you may find that in the future when they have left home and got families of their own they choose not to socialise with you as you embarrass them
It’s not much of a loss of they don’t like seeing anyone or going anywhere, is it? And worse, they don’t like seeing their own mother laughing and happy!