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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

246 replies

crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:39

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 04/04/2021 23:43

Depends what you agreed before giving it to her. You should have agreed repayment plan then. At least she is paying you back.

CoRhona · 04/04/2021 23:45

She is cheeky as fuck!

AdultingAvoidance · 04/04/2021 23:45

The worst people to lend money to are those than can't get a bank loan. Of course she is not going to be able to pay you back in a lump sum or with dignity. It will ruin your friendship to say anything. Next time don't be so obliging.

SD1978 · 04/04/2021 23:45

This should have been discussed before you have it to her. She asked to borrow money, you said yes, she's budgeted how much she can afford and you don't like it. Don't do it again, and if for some reason you ever do- make sure you work out the repayment schedule before you say yes.

Original poster
crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:46

@caringcarer we didn’t agree anything. As she’s so close to me I didn’t ask any questions I just said yes and sent the funds over. I’m just upset that she doesn’t respect my wishes even though she knows I’m not the type of person to argue over it

OP posts:
Overdueanamechange · 04/04/2021 23:47

Did you agree a timescale or was it vague becaue you are friends? Its annoying but unless you had something in writing, even by text, I don't think you can do anything about it?
Are you worried about what your husband will do?

Original poster
crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:48

Just to add - I told her that she can save the £50 a month for 20 months and in 20 months she can transfer the £1000 to me directly. As I know that I won’t ever see the £50 it’ll just be spent - receiving £1000 means I will put it away or spend it on something bigger like a getaway

OP posts:
Original poster
crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:49

@Overdueanamechange no my husband is just annoyed I’m not more gutsy. He won’t do anything other than annoy me the next time I do anything for her.
No we didn’t agree anything in text or in any way Confused

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/04/2021 23:50

I know what you mean. If you don’t mind having it 20 months later, can you put it into a separate savings account each month so that in effect you do have a lump sum?

Next time, after repayment terms!

mrsbyers · 04/04/2021 23:51

Take the £50’anf save it yourself , I wouldn’t trust her to build up the pot and you could find yourself back to square one in 20 months or the friendship could end in the mean time

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/04/2021 23:51

Agree not after!

negomi90 · 04/04/2021 23:51

She's worked out how to pay it back and is doing so. Unless you agreed terms before then you can't complain about her having a sensible payment plan.
There's a reason she needed a loan for you in the 1st place, it makes sense she can't pay back quickly. Also bank loans are similar duration.

Original poster
crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:52

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing @mrsbyers yes you are right and this is what I might do. Just irritating as she could do the same exact thing and return my money as it was given to her

OP posts:
Bigtruth · 04/04/2021 23:53

Get the £50 sent to a new account and you don't touch it for two years. If you expect your friend to save it you'll never see it, believe me.
This is on you unfortunately, you lent without agreeing repayment terms.

Mixing friendship and money is a recipe for issues if you are not ultra relaxed or happy to write off money. Be happy she's agreed to this plan now, you've got it in writing so all good.

RhubarbFairy · 04/04/2021 23:54

Presumably she's not in a position to pay it back immediately otherwise she wouldn't have needed to borrow it in the first place.

If that was a condition of the loan, you should have told her that when you agreed. Then she would have been able to tell you that she wouldn't be able to do that.

Why can't you transfer the £50 each month into savings if you want to save up, rather then letting it be absorbed?

She is paying you back. You can try to have an open and honest conversation about the schedule but if she's budgeted, then there's not much more you can do than learn from it.

FireflyRainbow · 04/04/2021 23:54

How cheeky is she! £50 a month?! Bet shes laughing at you OP.

LittleBearPad · 04/04/2021 23:56

[quote crazykoo124]**@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing* @mrsbyers* yes you are right and this is what I might do. Just irritating as she could do the same exact thing and return my money as it was given to her[/quote]
This makes no sense - better to have £50 a month than wait for £1k in 20 months time.

jessstan2 · 04/04/2021 23:56

Twenty months isn't that long. I'd accept the £50 a month for a £1000 loan as long as it was reliably paid. You could set it aside and in twenty months, would have £1000 again. Unless you really need the lump sum right now, what's the problem? You agreed to lend to your friend with no paperwork.

TheTeenageYears · 04/04/2021 23:56

Some people just don't have the personal control to save it themselves and need the money to physically not be there in any way in order to not spend it. Just put it straight into a savings account yourself.

NoSquirrels · 04/04/2021 23:57

So - just to be clear - you’re mad that your friend wants to pay you back on a regular repayment schedule a lump sum she borrowed?

And you’d rather have no repayment at all for 20 months? Because you might spend it, otherwise?

You’d rather she saved up than you save up?

Perfectly logical, YADNBU Hmm

peachhouses · 04/04/2021 23:59

@crazykoo124

Just to add - I told her that she can save the £50 a month for 20 months and in 20 months she can transfer the £1000 to me directly. As I know that I won’t ever see the £50 it’ll just be spent - receiving £1000 means I will put it away or spend it on something bigger like a getaway
Of course you’ll ‘see it’, IF you don’t spend it. If you don’t have the self control to do that, that’s your problem
Original poster
crazykoo124 · 05/04/2021 00:07

@LittleBearPad I would prefer the lump sum as it means I can put it towards something bigger - but I understand it is my fault

OP posts:
Original poster
crazykoo124 · 05/04/2021 00:08

@NoSquirrels can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic! Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
crazykoo124 · 05/04/2021 00:09

@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??

OP posts:
MalibuandOrange · 05/04/2021 00:11

Get an agreement in writing now over it before she stops paying you which is highly likely if your annoyed now, just imagine how annoyed you'll be in 20 months.