To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

[crazykoo124]

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

The OP doesn’t want £50 a month because she’ll spend it NOT because she needs the money now!!!

The OP suggested being paid £1000 in 20 months time.

The problem I would have here is needing to stay in touch with her for the next 20 months after being so irritated.

It all depends on what the circumstances were of the lending. Did you have any sensible discussion about repayment? Do you know that she can afford more but just prefers to pay a lower amount?

To be perfectly honest and assuming you aren't desperate for the cash I would probably distance myself and work on the basis that I'd never see the money again. Anything on top is a bonus. I'd rather that than 20 months of seething resentment.

Why would anyone lend to a friend, not stipulate repayment details and then get so angry about being payed back slowly over 20 months but be happy to WAIT 20 months for the whole sum. Just save it yourself!

I also think a lot of posters are being incredibly harsh and out of touch here. I assume many people who need to borrow £1000 at short notice won’t have £1000 to immediately repay again. £50 over 20 months is fine - if OP wanted it quicker she should have said.

@TrialOfStyle

Why would anyone lend to a friend, not stipulate repayment details and then get so angry about being payed back slowly over 20 months but be happy to WAIT 20 months for the whole sum. Just save it yourself!

I also think a lot of posters are being incredibly harsh and out of touch here. I assume many people who need to borrow £1000 at short notice won’t have £1000 to immediately repay again. £50 over 20 months is fine - if OP wanted it quicker she should have said.

Definitely ^

I’m also really uncomfortable with any poster suggesting the borrowed is no longer allowed to go out, go on holidays, buy new things, etc. You don’t gain ownership of someone because you’ve left them money FFS. As long as they are paying back what was agreed it’s completely irrelevant what else they do (or do you have a similar arrangement with your banks for your mortgage?).

[quote crazykoo124]@NoSquirrels can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic! [/quote]
Yes Squirrels was being sarcastic. It is plainly insane to turn down the repayments she can send you because you want it as a lump sum. Cash is king. Take what you can or you will never see it again.

I’m also really uncomfortable with any poster suggesting the borrowed is no longer allowed to go out, go on holidays, buy new things, etc. You don’t gain ownership of someone because you’ve left them money FFS.
Nothing to do with ownership, it's just the decent thing to do to pay a friend back as soon as you can afford it. I don't mean going without but not just paying them what is left over either. If I owed a friend money it would be a priority for me over frivolous expenses.

It's really annoying when someone is broke, borrows money, finds themselves in a position where they're no longer broke, starts buying all kinds of luxuries, but still doesn't pay you back. DP's brother is driving around in a brand new car, having sold the perfectly decent one DP lent him a chunk of the money for. Psychologically, he doesn't want to pay money back for something he doesn't own anymore. We will never see that money. And now it's easier for him not to have any contact with DP than mention the elephant in the room. DP hasn't hounded his brother for the money, but his brother knows he owes it and chooses to keep his distance out of embarrassment and the fear that he might be asked for it.

I reckon £50 a month is fair enough, provided it's consistent. It's the months where she suddenly finds herself in dire straits and can't pay that you need to watch out for. That's the beginning of the end, because she couldn't miss payments for an official loan and would therefore be taking advantage of your friendship.

Friend is a CF for arbitrarily deciding a repayment schedule without checking with OP. She’ll no doubt decide that she can delay payments due to holidays / Christmas /wedding/ car repairs /whatever without discussing that with OP either.

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
I would! Not a formal loan agreement but I'd send them an email saying hi darling, happy to lend you £1000 as discussed, can you send me your bank details? I'll need the £1000 back by the end of next month. Them replying with the bank details would constitute their agreement.

Lending money, bad news usually, lending to so called friends, no matter how long you've known them, usually the worst. She's already taking the piss out of you by letting you know where you feature on the list of paying back etc. Debt ought to be a priority, esp to a mate. I wish you luck but you need to watch this one.

The trouble with lending to someone who cannot get a loan in a normal way, is that their ability to pay back is likely to be very low. That’s why they can’t get a loan!!

The risk of default or tiny irregular payments is extremely high....even if it’s your friend.

Everyone was a bit daft here. Op was foolish to give a loan without specific terms or without being wise to the fact friends finances and money ethic meant getting the money back would be complicated. Friend was foolish to get into this with a friend and not to be honest with herself about the realities of paying it back and impact in friendship.

It’s done now and there are no winners just resentment and lots more to come I’d think.

I’d take the £50 monthly. You can open a separate account for it to be paid into.
20 months is a long time to wait - her financial situation could change - take your money monthly.

@crazykoo124 I have lent money to my ds and if it's a large amount I write down on paper the amount and the repayment schedule and we both sign it.
It's not because I don't trust him. I just think people take it more seriously if it's in writing.
If a borrower objects to a written agreement direct them to a bank and see how far they'll get without one!

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
Never lend friends money, especially without agreeing how/when you would need it back first. Sure fire way to lose a friendship.

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
I’ve lent money twice to friends, and both times I’ve got confirmation in writing. Anyone who didn’t expect to put a plan in writing, when borrowing a lot of money, would be someone untrustworthy.

It seems very odd OP, that you’d rather not see a single penny of it for 20 months, than have a regular payment.

1. open a savings account
2. give her the details and ask her to set up a standing order for the loan
3. put this in an email or a text and screen shot it .

Then if she defaults you can take her to small claims court

Then you will have the 1000 plus a small amount of interest when it’s finished

Never loan money without a written agreement .

Lesson learnt.

@TrialOfStyle

I’m also really uncomfortable with any poster suggesting the borrowed is no longer allowed to go out, go on holidays, buy new things, etc. You don’t gain ownership of someone because you’ve left them money FFS. As long as they are paying back what was agreed it’s completely irrelevant what else they do (or do you have a similar arrangement with your banks for your mortgage?).

I'm really shocked at this. So if you lend someone money because you are a good person and you want to help someone out then YOU are the one who isn't allowed a new coat/ holiday/nights out (because you've lent the money to pay for those things to the friend in need).

THEY can have as many of those as they want on your money because "you don't own them", (although you DO own the money - but let's conveniently forget about that).

What an awful attitude. Dog eat dog.

@crazykoo124

Just to add - I told her that she can save the £50 a month for 20 months and in 20 months she can transfer the £1000 to me directly. As I know that I won’t ever see the £50 it’ll just be spent - receiving £1000 means I will put it away or spend it on something bigger like a getaway

I'm not saying this condones anything, but she probably reads this as meaning you don't really need the money right now.

Unsure33 - that's exactly what you should do OP. And the discipline of setting up a SOrder will help. If OP's friend has to think about it every month "Shall I pay crazykoo her £50 or, since it's Easter/Christmas/kid's birthday/Valentine's/Bank holiday - (insert excuse here) shall I leave it til next month??" - then you risk not getting it at all.

In less than two year's time you'll have a nice little £1000 plus a bit of interest in an account somewhere to spend or continue to add to as you wish. And no hard feelings awkwardness with friend.

@TrialOfStyle

I’m also really uncomfortable with any poster suggesting the borrowed is no longer allowed to go out, go on holidays, buy new things, etc. You don’t gain ownership of someone because you’ve left them money FFS. As long as they are paying back what was agreed it’s completely irrelevant what else they do (or do you have a similar arrangement with your banks for your mortgage?).

I completely disagree with this.

If I am lending you money that I have worked bloody hard for on the basis that you cannot afford essentials like food/rent/debts etc then its rude as FUCK to then go out and buy fripperies and luxuries that I have forgone to give YOU the money. I did not lend you the money on the basis that you couldnt afford a Fendi handbag- noone would lend money for that because its a want and not a need. Its completely deceptive to cry poor, wheedle money out of your friends for essentials and then flaunt your designer purchases or holidays on facebook.

Thats a shitty thing to do to a friend who has kindly lent you money.

@FireflyRainbow

How cheeky is she! £50 a month?! Bet shes laughing at you OP.

Too true, a oner a month would have been more respectable, and would have shown that the debt is a priority the person wanted cleared. But this is how becomes the monster, the cavalier attitude to borrowed money, and it's worst when it's a friend, because they think that it's ok, keep twisting your arm, you'll wait a bit longer.

Bit like gambling really, you should be prepared to lose it if you lend it, neither a borrower nor a lender be.

@TrialOfStyle

It shows where priorities lie, a person in debt, needing to blag money from their mates, who keeps spending on stuff, going on holidays etc. I would be angry at. Possibly the imprudence which makes this person short of cash in the first place. I too would be mad, very mad. But then, I would not have lent the grand to begin with.

@crazykoo124

Just to add - I told her that she can save the £50 a month for 20 months and in 20 months she can transfer the £1000 to me directly. As I know that I won’t ever see the £50 it’ll just be spent - receiving £1000 means I will put it away or spend it on something bigger like a getaway

Really bad idea. In 18 months, she might have another cash flow crisis and there's your little pot of money available to bail her out and you won't be able to stop her

[quote Steptoeshorse1965]@TrialOfStyle

It shows where priorities lie, a person in debt, needing to blag money from their mates, who keeps spending on stuff, going on holidays etc. I would be angry at. Possibly the imprudence which makes this person short of cash in the first place. I too would be mad, very mad. But then, I would not have lent the grand to begin with.[/quote]
I agree- there also must be an element of lying/deception there because if you actually CAN afford holidays and expensive cosmetics or whatever then why on earth would you even need to borrow money in the first place?

If you dont want people to judge what you are spending it on then dont go begging others for their money- simple.