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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

246 replies

crazykoo124 · 04/04/2021 23:39

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

OP posts:
stackemhigh · 05/04/2021 00:13

[quote crazykoo124]@NoSquirrels can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic! Blush[/quote]
I think it’s safe to say she’s being sarcastic.

OP, the fact that the £50 would just be swallowed up suggests you don’t have a good saving strategy. I agree with a pp, pit it in a separate account that you don’t touch.

dementedpixie · 05/04/2021 00:15

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
For that amount I would.
Have you never watched Judge Rinder?
Without it in writing you would have no way of getting the money if she stopped paying you back

user1473878824 · 05/04/2021 00:16

I was with you until you said you’d just spend it and not save it so she should.

watingroom2 · 05/04/2021 00:19

Put the £50 in a savings account at the end you will have your money in a 'lump '

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2021 00:22

I was being sarcastic- sorry.

But you are being a bit mad. Better she repays you so you save it up over the 20 months than wait for 20 months and then potentially not get it back at all.

I don’t know about paperwork but I certainly wouldn’t hand over £1,000 (or any sum in the hundreds rather than tens) without asking what the plan for repayment was.

I’d assume they couldn’t pay a lump sum like that back at once.

Basically I think the ‘only lend what you can afford to lose’ strategy is best.

Start a regular savings account and put the £50 from your friend in and add another £25-50 yourself. Then you’ll have even more in 20 months quite painlessly.

TristantheTyrannosaurus · 05/04/2021 00:32

Saving account for the £50/month. Do not ever loan her money again.

Anordinarymum · 05/04/2021 00:38

If a friend asks to borrow that amount of money I would want to know what it was for and I would also discuss how it would be paid back.

Lending money to friends is not great. Being paid back is a bonus even if it is in small amounts.

I have lent money to two friends in the past and not been paid back. They borrowed it because they were broke and in no position to pay it back and I had to write the debts off both times. Unfortunately the friends are not friends anymore as it all became awkward.

jessstan2 · 05/04/2021 00:45

crazykoo, I haven't used paperwork and many years ago a couple of friends lent me money without me signing anything. All was paid back but none of us had any guarantee.

If I was asked for a large sum of money, eg £5,000+, assuming I had it and was happy to lend, that would be different. However I haven't been asked for that much. I wouldn't lend money to my son, I would give it to him but (at the moment), he is financially OK.

I do feel it is best not to lend money unless it is a sum you are prepared to wait for or even write off. It can be awkward with friends. Both of my friends who lent to me when I was in difficulties said to me afterwards they didn't want it back but I paid them anyway. I said the same when it was my turn to lend but was repaid. We're all getting old now and don't have financial crisis but I do remember how it felt years ago.

It was nice of the op to lend her friend a thousand and I think £50 a month is a fair way to repay. However nobody is obliged to lend if they aren't happy about it.

junebirthdaygirl · 05/04/2021 00:45

Take the money as it comes..keep a record and be prepared for her to miss payments/ stop paying etc. I have been there and it never works. Next time you meet her and she is wearing a new coat or planning a weekend away you will resent her and it tricky to not let it affect the relationships.

memberofthewedding · 05/04/2021 00:49

On the one occasion I borrowed money from a relative we agreed before hand how I was going to pay her back. Whenever I had a bit of spare money at the end of the month I would add it to the agreed payment so the loan was repaid much more quickly. I would have felt uncomfortable buying anything major for myself whicle I owed a relative money.

spongedog · 05/04/2021 01:02

Please document this payment arrangement with her, by email at least. So she has agreed to repay you £50 per month for 20 months. So no interest? Specify that.

However I would include a paragraph that states that if her circumstances change financially and she is able to - then give examples - go on holiday, buy a car, move, go out for the evening - then interest becomes payable on the debt at X% per annum (you determine X).

Also include a line that she can repay you earlier and by lump sum at any time if her circumstances change (quote above).

Hopefully that might stop her going out rather than repaying you.

CKL987 · 05/04/2021 01:05

If you didn't agree beforehand then yabu. It's irrelevant how quickly you got the money together to give to her. You probably need to be stronger if you want it back more quickly.

UnderperformingSeal · 05/04/2021 01:20

Something I've learned from watching Judge Judy experience: be thankful you're getting repaid at all. Presumably she borrowed it because she needed to get her hands on £1000 quickly and didn't have it so it's unlikely she has suddenly got hold of a grand to give you in a lump sum, but at least she has worked out a repayment plan. Nevertheless it would be very sensible to formalise it in writing just in case, spongedog's approach is one I like (but disclaimer: I am not a small claims court judge).

GeorgiaGirl52 · 05/04/2021 01:34

@negomi90

She's worked out how to pay it back and is doing so. Unless you agreed terms before then you can't complain about her having a sensible payment plan. There's a reason she needed a loan for you in the 1st place, it makes sense she can't pay back quickly. Also bank loans are similar duration.
This^ You are being unreasonable. You are lucky to have a friend who pays it back.
Gemma2019 · 05/04/2021 02:07

Open a premium bond account and get her to pay the £50 a month into that for 20 months, with any wins automatically reinvested. It's not as easy to get money out as a savings account.

jessstan2 · 05/04/2021 05:03

@spongedog

Please document this payment arrangement with her, by email at least. So she has agreed to repay you £50 per month for 20 months. So no interest? Specify that.

However I would include a paragraph that states that if her circumstances change financially and she is able to - then give examples - go on holiday, buy a car, move, go out for the evening - then interest becomes payable on the debt at X% per annum (you determine X).

Also include a line that she can repay you earlier and by lump sum at any time if her circumstances change (quote above).

Hopefully that might stop her going out rather than repaying you.

I think £50 a month is very reasonable and 20 months is not very long; if the op had £1000 in an ISA, the interest rate would be negligible so why would she charge interest to a friend for such a short term loan?

It is mean to suggest the woman shouldn't go out, on holiday or buy things. Having a loan doesn't mean not having a life. The only conditions should be that she pays regularly.

If she doesn't pay, that would change my attitude but if she does as promised, I'd leave it at that.

PandaFluff · 05/04/2021 06:42

Have you tried asking if she can pay you back a bit more quickly if she has the spare cash some months?

sunflowersandbuttercups · 05/04/2021 07:51

And this is why I never lend anyone any money Grin

mn81987 · 05/04/2021 07:57

If she didn't have the £1000 to start with then why do you think she'd all of a sudden have it to pay it back in one lump sum?

Fatladyslim · 05/04/2021 07:58

I wouldn't lend a friend money that I couldn't write off.

This limits me to about £20

Pheebs2021 · 05/04/2021 08:01

If she was desperate enough to need to borrow the £1000, I'm sure she isn't somebody who can get a chunk of money and transfer the £1000 back in one go? Unless it was of course, for example, she was waiting for a house sale and needed to borrow it for fees, etc, in which case I absolutely would expect it back in one go. Yes, I would expect it pre-agreed exactly when somebody was expecting to pay it back and if I didn't like their terms I wouldn't lend it. I've luckily, never been in this position before.

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 05/04/2021 08:03

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
Yes, on the occasions I have lent money to friends that’s over £500 and above, I set up a separate WhatsApp chat for us both. The first message confirms I have sent the money over, the next one says here is my bank account to repay it, let me know when/how you were thinking.

In some cases, the money is repaid in full in a week or so (they were genuine, need money, just can’t access it). In others where I knew it would be longer term, they proposed an arrangement, which I usually agreed too straight away. Once when it was for over a year, I said no overseas holidays until it was paid back, which they were fine with. They bought some large purchases in the time they were replaying me, but as I hadn’t said anything against that I (tried) not to hold it against them.

I don’t like lending money, but if a friend is in need, I tried to be a good friend. I never lend more than I can afford to lose and I am upfront with the fact it will have to be repaid. If I can afford to give them money, I prefer to do that, so there is no stress/pressure on the friendship.

boomboom1234 · 05/04/2021 08:04

I would go back to her and say you don't want her to return the money in that way. Stand up for yourself. Otherwise you and your husband have this hanging over you causing frustration and arguments every month for 20 months!

Jobsharenightmare · 05/04/2021 08:07

I would have agreed the plan for paying it back before sending it. I wouldn't use paperwork for anything under £10k no.

EdgeOfACoin · 05/04/2021 08:08

Echo PPs. Open up a savings account which you can't easily access. Get your friend to pay the £50 per month directly into that account.

Get something in writing about repayment. Track it. Don't be surprised if she falls behind on payments.

Recognise that you will be better at saving your own money than she will.