To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

[crazykoo124]

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

My friend messaged me today as she needed to pay for emergency surgery on her dog and it’s not covered by insurance. She asked to borrow £1500. First question I asked after making sure the dog was ok was what would be your plan to pay it back. We agreed £150 per month over the telephone. Before I sent the money I sent a text saying just to confirm I’m lending you £1500 on 6/4/21 for dog’s surgery and you will repay £150 on 1st of each month starting from 1/5/21 to sort code x and account number x is that ok?
Once she replied it was I sent over the money.
I would never send money without a clear repayment plan.
If I ever needed to borrow money I would repay it as soon as possible I certainly wouldn’t save it for 20 months to pay as a lump sum- that’s crazy.

Never lend money to a friend. Especially when you are married. No wonder your DH is angry.

Either be assertive and say you want it in bigger amounts (which she will probably say she can't afford) or accept the £50 per month.

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
no because I would never ever do it. I would give if I could and if i couldn't give I would gently refuse.

Don’t lend it ever ever again. We took a loan out for BIL and his evil bitch wife. They were broke apparently. Next thing we know they booked a holiday, and then told rest of family I was bullying them for repayment. Turns out they have done it before. 5 years in it was a small price to pay to have them out of our lives.

I’ve learnt the hard way not to lend even your very best childhood friends money.
If they need to ask you, then generally it’s as a last resort as they’ve tried all other avenues, and have probably taken the piss elsewhere so can’t ask again.

Luckily I only leant my friend a relatively small amount, but I doubt I’ll ever get it back as they dodge messages about it and change the subject.

What a weird situation.

Cannot imagine ever lending even my best friend or sister £1K without us having the, “how long for” conversation as part of the request. So that’s weird.

Then wanting her to wait 20 months to pay you back because you can’t trust yourself to save it You’re not a child!

Even if she did agree to do that, why would you trust that you’d get it back? That you wouldn’t fall out, or that she’d genuinely fall on hard times. If you can’t even trust yourself to save it, why would you trust someone else?

Lastly, she might not like the feeling of not actually paying you back ANYTHING for 20 months. Would seem wrong.

Bottom line though - YABU to not set your terms first when you had the opportunity. You can’t dictate terms after because she may not have the financial flexibility to meet them.

The old saying comes to mind here, "never a lender or borrower be".

I don't lend friends money after acting as guarantor to a friend I worked with who needed money for a car. She left the job, wrecked the car and I had to pay for most of it as she made no more than two or three payments. It was horrible having to tell my husband, who was really cross! I hadn't mentioned it to him as he would have said no.

If she had to borrow it perhaps she cant save and so sending each month is the best she can do? Some of my family are the same, they can save a little butthen spend it if its within their reach. if they have a loan and we agree a payment plan (id always ask how they intend to pay back) they are able to repay without temptation.

I would just set up standing order to move the 50 to a one of your savings accounts so its in and out and you can forget about it.

I only have one rule when lending money to friends or family is only give what you don't mind losing. There is often a good chance you don't see the money back. My sil lend £ 3,000 to her sister with a verbal agreement that she will repay her back and what her sister did she declared herself bankrupt and listed the £ 3000 in the bankruptcy so sil can kiss goodbye to the money.

You didn’t agree on a repayment date when you loaned her the money so you basically guessed she’d give you it back in a lump sum, now you’re disappointed that she can’t afford to do that. I’m guessing the reason she asked for the 1k is because she doesn’t have 1k laying around to give you. At least she’s paying you back, in future don’t lend anyone money.

Just put it in a different account and in 20 months you can have your lump sum/ You should have sorted before giving it to her really. If she needed to borrow it then she obv wasn't going to pay back in one go

does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??
I would for that amount of money.

I don’t lend out money period.

YABU! You should have asked when she can pay it back. No way would a person need to borrow £1K if they could just come up with £1K at a later date, so you should have been expecting a payment plan and since you didn't bother to set the terms, she did. And do not trust her to save it all up and pay you back, she'll be dipping in and out of it and you'll never get it back. If £50 is too low, see if she can stretch to 60/70. Your husband is def being unreasonable and a bit pathetic to be raging though! In future I wouldn't lend to friends if you find it frustrating, or at least set out proper terms so you both know where you stand!

You kindly helped out a friend. She obviously has financial difficulties. She has promised to pay it back at £50 a month. I think it is sad that it is not that you won't get the money back, but not how you want it back. I actually can't even put my finger on why this is so sad. Know that you helped a friend. She asked for help and you gave it. She is following through and paying you. I just don't get why you are making a deal of it. I am glad you are setting up an account.

I voted YABU as you should never lend money to (or borrow it from) friends. You’re lucky to get paid back at all, and hopefully you’ll learn your lesson and stop lending. As a PP said, there is a good reason why these people are asking you for a loan, rather than a bank!

[quote crazykoo124]@caringcarer we didn’t agree anything. As she’s so close to me I didn’t ask any questions I just said yes and sent the funds over. I’m just upset that she doesn’t respect my wishes even though she knows I’m not the type of person to argue over it[/quote]
Well then you only have yourself to blame!! You just handed over a grand, didn't enquire into the circumstances surrounding her request & didn't agree any repayment terms??

I'm afraid to say I have got myself in this situation a few times. I have a friend who has borrowed from me a few times and although each time we've always had it back over a period of months I always seem to feel aggrieved if I see she's been spending "frivolously"...as if those things are more important than repaying the debt to us.

More recently with a different set of friends my husband stepped in when the bailiffs turned up at their house and ended up loaning them £500. They have low paid jobs and don't have a lot of cash to spare whereas our income is considerably higher. But they have never offered us a penny back. Not even a fiver. I am incensed when I see them spending on Scentsy on Facebook. I asked a few months ago when they would be able to start contributing and because of Furlough they said they couldn't afford it. The husband (who ran up the debts my husband paid off) was not there when the bailiffs turned up and had never thanked either of us.

I know - we are mugs. I tell myself we'll never lend to friends again but when they are in difficulty I find it to do hard to say no.

So OP I feel your pain. Why not set up an ISA for the £50 to be paid into? But I wonder if, like me, you will feel p'd off whenever your see your friend buying non essential stuff over the next few months. Money and friendship don't mix. However I would never hesitate to lend money to my siblings or parents

some People that borrow money get arsey about paying it back.

I never lend money as I got stung a few times.

She is laughing at you. 🌸

I've been caught out lending money to a friend. The money meant alot, it meant my friend (a single parent) got a roof over hers and her daughters head and could get her the birthday present the daughter wanted.
She said she'd give it back within 6 months. 6 months come and went. I asked how/when I could have it back and I just got excuse after excuse. This happend a lot over the space of a couple of years. At that point I just kind of gave up. All the while she was going for nights out, concerts, festivals whatever.
We still remained friends, moved in same circles but I'd distanced myself and it was quite strained. This went on a while.
She didn't acknowledge the money for about 3 years after that. Then suddenly out of the blue about a year ago she messaged saying she wanted to repay me. I took the money but it came in £10 and £20's and she also made a point of saying she wanted to pay debts to companies off first as they charged interest.

We don't really have much of a friendship anymore and I definately wouldn't help her again.
For me it was more the principle and how it made me feel I been mugged off by what I considered a close mate.

Another occasion I lent my brother £900 to get his car fixed and expected it back in one lump sum. We made no agreement beforehand stupidly and then he asked to pay it back in £50's that he wouldn't be able to pay it back in one lump. He'd then miss the pay date and I'd end up chasing him. It got to the point where he gave me something of his to sale for £200 and told me to keep the £200. Was all abit of a pain in the ass really. So I tend not to lend money out anymore.

This has really irked me!

YES! YABU!

Also, the people thinking the friend IS taking the P. If she was or is laughing at you or didn't care about your friendship she simply wouldn't pay it back!

As previously said, you had no prearranged plan. You are also asking her to do what you could so easily do yourself, especially as you are clearly not in need of it urgently, unlike she was. Expecting her to have the control to put it away til the 20 months is up because you can't be bothered is ridiculous!

The fact that you and your husband can't be grateful for the effort she is going to to repay you and sticking to it because of the 'how' is what will ruin the friendship!

I have borrowed money and lent money and I would never expect or deserve being expected to pay more than possible.

Being in a position to need to borrow is stressful enough without so-called friends making it worse when trying to repay. Have a little appreciation for her situation and the respect she has for you to budget repayments that LEGALLY she has no obligation to bother with!

Mumma, I got the impression last time I looked on this thread that the op had agreed to the very reasonable £50 per month payment for twenty months and it was going to be put in a separate account. She seemed to be OK with that after thinking about it. I would be too. A problem will only arise if the friend defaults - let's hope that doesn't happen. If she does she won't ever be able to ask again should she find herself in difficulties.

Just be grateful she is paying you back.

Lending money to friends and family can be a nightmare.

You’re lucky she’s paying you monthly instead of leaving it over a year and not making any effort to pay you back.
My friends lent their friend some money and they haven’t been paid back for maybe over a year now, which is not a big problem for them because they’re close friends and don’t need it back right away. But I do find it cheeky when people borrow money and not give it back as soon as they can but instead spend it on other things which are unnecessary!