To be mad I’m being paid back really slowly?

[crazykoo124]

One of my close friends borrowed £1000 from me last year promising to return it. She’s been my friend since early childhood so I had no problem in doing so.

She’s now paying me back £50/month for 20 months? I said that this is annoying as I’d like the lump sum back but she just laughed and said that she’s already worked out the finances for it.

I know I should’ve been bolder and said actually no but I genuinely didn’t have the guts to do so. I’ve told my husband and he’s raging and I’m quite angry too now. He does have a littleeee bit of a short fuse so I’m just wondering.... are we being unreasonable? And would you be ok to be paid back this slowly when you gave her the lump sum within 24 hours.

Yes, on the occasions I have lent money to friends that’s over £500 and above, I set up a separate WhatsApp chat for us both. The first message confirms I have sent the money over, the next one says here is my bank account to repay it, let me know when/how you were thinking.

^I do something similar via email but I do say about repayment in the trial before sending it.

Trail sorry

Surely you knew the terms of repayment before agreeing to give her a grand....?

I can’t see the issue here or why folks are accusing her of she will miss payments or stop,paying, she borrowed money she’s paying it back, it’s all good.

Op just transfer fifty quid a month into another account, honestly it really doesn’t need to be such a big deal. It’s all so dramatic.

I've watched too much Judge Judy.
Unless you were happy to lose the money you shouldn't have lent it to her.
Next time she asks for anything- doesnt necessarily have to be money, even if she asks to borrow a hair straightener the answer should be- no.

To be honest, I don't know her circumstances, but I do know yours, so I think you are being very unreasonable. You loaned somebody a large amount of money without any agreement as to when and how that would be repaid. You then expected that person to repay it in a lump sum, despite not having that amount of money to repay you. You also expected them to magically mind read the repayment terms, and are annoyed that they haven't. And you are criticising her inability to "save up" the monthly £50 until she has the lump sum to repay you, but say that you couldn't do that yourself and would fritter way the money in such amounts - exactly the same as she says she would.

She may be cheeky about borrowing the money. She may be unreasonable and not be paying back what she could truly afford. But I know none of those things. Whereas I know what you did / didn't do. So even if she is being unreasonable, so are you.

Personally I think it’s you that’s made the mistake here, you lent her the money without asking how she would pay it back. It’s very unlikely that anyone who needs to ask a friend to lend money (instead of a bank etc) that they would ever be able to pay it back in one lump sum.

The fact that your prepared to wait 20 months also means you don’t NEED if back ASAP as a lump sum.

Open a new savings account / ISA / Premium bonds account etc. Give her the account number and let it build up in your name. That way it’s not swallowed up in your normal account, your friend can’t ever be tempted to ‘re-borrow’ from it and you get your money in 20 months. Everyone’s happy.

I think a payment plan is pretty standard. So, I'd just suck it up. As others have suggested, you could open a separate bank account for her to pay into. It's a bit weird that you just lent the money without any discussion on paying it back. I think most people would struggle with a lump sum.

[quote crazykoo124]@caringcarer we didn’t agree anything. As she’s so close to me I didn’t ask any questions I just said yes and sent the funds over. I’m just upset that she doesn’t respect my wishes even though she knows I’m not the type of person to argue over it[/quote]
This is your problem right here, you didn’t agree anything. Had you known she was going to pay over 20 months would you still have lent it? Just for not setting repayment terms I’m afraid YABU. I hope you get it all back but be prepared that you might not or that the monthly payments may drop.

@crazykoo124

Just to add - I told her that she can save the £50 a month for 20 months and in 20 months she can transfer the £1000 to me directly. As I know that I won’t ever see the £50 it’ll just be spent - receiving £1000 means I will put it away or spend it on something bigger like a getaway

This is mad. In 20 months you'll discover that she had some urgent expense that she needed to use the money for and she'll announce to you that she's going to pay it back at £20 a month. For goodness sake, tell her to start paying back now and make sensible arrangements of your own to start saving.

I would have asked her how she intends to repay it before I'd lent it but no, I wouldn't have used official paperwork. I probably would have emailed her what we'd agreed though just as a reminder for us both. It was your money to lend so I'd ask your partner to wind his neck in (it sounds as though he is the one making you feel like a mug tbh) and then squirrel the £50 away each month. It is unrealistic to expect someone who badly needed the loan in the first place to be able to pay it back more quickly. You were a good friend and how you handle this could be a deal breaker.

I'd have wanted it back sooner, depending on her finances, but if she could say afford to pay back £100 a month by cutting out frivolous expenses then I'd be annoyed at £50. Wanting her to save it up then pay you in 20 months is unreasonable though. If she can put it in a separate account so she doesn't spend it then you could do the same.

I had a family member pay me back over a long period while still buying cocktails out every weekend. Never lent to her again.

It was daft not discussing re payment terms, no matter how close you are. She needed a loan for a reason and sounds like £50 is what she can afford to pay back at a time.

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
I would never ever lend money to a friend....no matter how good a friend they are......It can ruin a friendship.....as my Nan always said to me....‘never a borrower nor a lender be’

out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??

Until joining MN, I have no idea that lending money to friends, or borrowing from them, was a thing. It certainly isn’t to me or any of my friends and we are all generous people, just not willing to give our money away!

I am 58, was taught that “never a borrower nor a lender” be...it would ring alarm bells with me if someone asked to borrow money from me rather than go to a bank/put on credit card etc.

Do you know what your friend borrowed it for? Was there a reason she didn’t have any savings/access to bank loan etc?

I know it isn’t the point of the thread, but it seems you just handed it over without any discussion or thought.

She obviously doesn’t have £1000 lump sum to pay back is why she borrowed it, £50 re payments at least shows she is aware and trying to pay it back - personally I’d be totally happy with it 🤷‍♀️

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
Yes, me! I loaned my son in law money to pay off his debts, as with the interest rate he was paying it would have taken him years to pay them off. However, I drew up a contract, which set out the conditions of the loan, ie. how much was to be repaid each month and what would happen if he defaulted on his repayments. It was for considerably more than 1k though.

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
Yes, we did when we lent my stepson a considerable sum for buying a house - we used a solicitor and had it all drawn up properly

With a friend we did the paperwork between us

[quote crazykoo124]@jessstan2 out of sheer curiosity - does anyone here use paperwork/agreements when lending friends money??[/quote]
I would never lend money. Judge Judy says don't lend money you can't afford to lose. I have watched enough episodes to know not to lend money, you can only trust yourself.

I'd say 9 out of 10 people who lend a good friend 1000 pounds never see it again.

Filter your reaction through that harsh truth!

I lent a friend money once. When I asked for it back the second time (two weeks after the first time), her mother came round to tell my mother that I was ''acting like a loan shark'' and was my mother aware of this! Behind closed doors my mother was on my side and understood that I'd worked for that money and was so upset to lose it. But we just had to let it go or be branded ''loan sharks'' in our small town.

I'm glad I learnt that lesson so young.

She's so skint that she needed to borrow 1k from you, and you honestly think she will magically have the full amount to pay you back?

You only have yourself to blame for being so foolish as to lend her money.

[quote crazykoo124]@LittleBearPad I would prefer the lump sum as it means I can put it towards something bigger - but I understand it is my fault[/quote]
So save up the £50s and you can do just that.

You can’t blame her for paying you back on this timescale because you’ll fritter it away. That’s on you and perfectly manageable - you can even get savings accounts you aren’t able to access for a period of time.

Never ever lend what you can’t afford and never without a payment plan . She can afford £50 a month so set up a s/o for it and never lend money again .
I once also borrowed about £1k off a relative and paid back £50 a month but it was agreed prior. There was no way I would of been able to pay the lump sum back .

Sorry but you should have discussed how she was going to pay you back, before lending it. I would get her to send the £50 to a separate account and let it build up to the thousand.