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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use mumsnet secretly

208 replies

WiganNorthWest · 04/04/2021 21:38

I don’t tell anyone irl that I’m on here. Not sure why, probably because mumsnet has a bit of a bad reputation in my circles/is thought of as a bit embarrassing/petty and transphobic. Do most people admit to being on here/ talk about it with friends and family. I’ve never posted anything I’m ashamed of
Yabu- I’m a proud mumsnetter
Yanbu-I’m a secret mumsnetter

Also-how would you feel if you were ‘outed’

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2021 21:39

YABU to use MN secretly.

GoWalkabout · 04/04/2021 21:41

I mention it as a place for useful information, and don't make a secret of it. People who don't visit it might not understand the breadth of the forum though, I get that.

ShirleyPhallus · 04/04/2021 21:42

I would be so embarrassed if my husband or friends knew I posted on here

Not sure why

Actually I know why. It’s cos it’s definitely thought of as being a bit twee and mumsy and I’ve got street cred to uphold.

altlife · 04/04/2021 21:44

I haven't told anyone, nor do I feel the need.

This is my thing, away from everything and everyone else.

And I rather like having an innocent little secret of my own Grin

DiscustinHunAmFummin · 04/04/2021 21:44

First rule of Mumsnet.
Never tell anyone you use Mumsnet.

altlife · 04/04/2021 21:45

Wouldn't care if I was outed, it's my choice to be here and I'm not too fussed what anyone thinks

ReverendRicketyCricket · 04/04/2021 21:46

YABU to misuse the vote function which you haven't even enabled. Just ask people their opinion - no need to be coding it into YABU/YANBU.

Also YABU to use MN in secret. Just own it.

Also YABU to classify the whole of MN as 'transphobic'. Or are you trying to start yet another 1000 post fight?

Sparklingbrook · 04/04/2021 21:46

@altlife

Wouldn't care if I was outed, it's my choice to be here and I'm not too fussed what anyone thinks
Same here.
BurbageBrook · 04/04/2021 21:47

I tell my DP I use it, but then I know he uses Reddit and suchlike. Where’s the shame?

EasterChick98 · 04/04/2021 21:47

I'm one of those FB baby group things where we all met through mumsnet. Apparently, not a single one of us actually uses mumsnet at all anymore and that one antenatal thread we met on several years ago is the only time any of us have ever posted on here. Ok then Hmm

Horehound · 04/04/2021 21:47

I know what you mean op. If I've ever mentioned Mumsnet people roll eyes and laugh and sort of write off anything you quote from there. So I also keep quiet now

DateLoaf · 04/04/2021 21:49

I mention it as a place for useful information, and don't make a secret of it.

Same here. Every pregnant woman I know I let them know how useful it is.

Doona · 04/04/2021 21:51

I tell everyone. Using social media is normal and it's all a bit dodgy. Facebook, reddit, twitter etc. Mumsnet is at least slightly niche.

AgeLikeWine · 04/04/2021 21:51

Given that, being childfree by choice, I’m not really I n Mumsnet’s target market, it would seem somewhat odd that I use the site. So I don’t tell anyone.

Hotelhelp · 04/04/2021 21:55

Good question OP.

I have never told anyone I use MN but I think in my case it’s because I don’t have any friends therefore I use MN in place of friendships and I’m embarrassed by that.

MsScoot · 04/04/2021 21:59

I thought my mumsnetting was a secret. One day I was on my phone at lunchtime at work. Someone asked if i was on Facebook and my colleague told them that I was on mumsnet: as that’s what I’m always on at lunchtime. He was a young single lad, so I have no idea how he knew that’s what I was on!

EarringsandLipstick · 04/04/2021 22:01

I think in my case it’s because I don’t have any friends therefore I use MN in place of friendships and I’m embarrassed by that

I don't think you need to be embarrassed tho I think it might be something to address.

I use MN a bit in the same way. I don't have many friends - true friends - tho great family & plenty of acquaintances. Even before Covid, as a single working parent,I often had no chance for adult interaction outside work. I like the engagement MN offers & it was invaluable in helping me understand my ex's abusive behaviour.

I don't not tell people. But it doesn't come up naturally, really, and if I mention it eg to my DSis / DSIL, they find it kind of amusing more than anything.

My kids give out to me about it, which means i must be here too much!

ChelseaCat · 04/04/2021 22:03

I try not to mention it, not sure why. My husband often warns me about mumsnet and says that it can be dangerous Grin

Randomly a male friend of mine started telling the penis beaker story at a dinner party last year - I wondered how on earth he knew about it!

Doona · 04/04/2021 22:04

I use MN in place of friendships and I’m embarrassed by that

Eh, don't be. It's an interesting experiment. What aspects of friendship can be substituted by online interaction? Some can, some can't. Single people do it with dating, universities are really pushing online education. Now workplaces. If it works better for you, then you're in a good position for what's coming. I'm in two minds, myself.

GojiberryStar · 04/04/2021 22:09

@ShirleyPhallus

I would be so embarrassed if my husband or friends knew I posted on here

Not sure why

Actually I know why. It’s cos it’s definitely thought of as being a bit twee and mumsy and I’ve got street cred to uphold.

The tweee bit? . ... I thought that was nethuns. I see MN as being too cut throat to be twee!

TripleSeptic · 04/04/2021 22:20

I think you need a new circle. If they can't be bothered to read about things and learn about things, and make an informed decision, is this a circle you want to be associated with? They don't have to love MN, or use it, it's not the law, but if it bothers them that much without any experience of it, what else are they in the dark about? Could they afford to learn about what is, and isn't transphobia, for example? MN is a slice of society, and they're/we're not all mum's or cat lovers either.

PrinnyPree · 04/04/2021 22:22

YANBU the transphobia is embarrassing, however I found it really useful during TTC, my pregnancy and post-partum for info and reassurance.

I do sometimes guiltily end up reading through the LTB type threads though, my heart goes out to what some people have had to put up with (and know that could have been me if I'd have stayed with my first DP). X

ImpassiveVoice · 04/04/2021 22:22

I don't tell everyone, but I often talk to DP about some threads here, in a "this is interesting" way", or when a topic is relevant to something we're dealing with. There are times when I'm giggling and he knows it's MN. And the other day, he did something and when I remonstrated, he said, "what are you going to do - report me to Mumsnet?"

HeeeeeyBogie · 04/04/2021 22:24

@DateLoaf

I mention it as a place for useful information, and don't make a secret of it.

Same here. Every pregnant woman I know I let them know how useful it is.

And every woman who is in a bad relationship, or wants to leave.

I don't bang on about MN but it made me Gender Critical and that is definitely starting to come out IRL.

purpleboy · 04/04/2021 22:32

Love to see some examples of transphobia if anyone has any?