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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use mumsnet secretly

208 replies

WiganNorthWest · 04/04/2021 21:38

I don’t tell anyone irl that I’m on here. Not sure why, probably because mumsnet has a bit of a bad reputation in my circles/is thought of as a bit embarrassing/petty and transphobic. Do most people admit to being on here/ talk about it with friends and family. I’ve never posted anything I’m ashamed of
Yabu- I’m a proud mumsnetter
Yanbu-I’m a secret mumsnetter

Also-how would you feel if you were ‘outed’

OP posts:
AlCalavicci · 04/04/2021 23:30

@MrsNewms85
you could well be right , but by god it is wearing , I always felt like I has to second guess what she might reply so I could taylor my comments .
The one good thing about lock down , I haven't seen her for months Grin

LeSquigh · 04/04/2021 23:34

I am also a secret MN user and have never told anyone about it in real life. I came here 11 years ago when I was TTC and I’ve been in and out since.

I don’t agree that it is transphobic but I do agree that it is SEEN as very transphobic. A quick search on twitter shows this.

DateLoaf · 04/04/2021 23:35

This ‘transphobia’ has passed me by. Hmm There’s nothing wrong with women talking about women’s issues and women’s legal rights.
I really like all the special interest areas on here going on at the same time- from politics to telly to food and loads more.

QuiteContraryMarie · 04/04/2021 23:37

No.
I imagine mumsnet being full of Boden wearing suburban housewives.
And also a high proportion with children with SEN or suffering from mental health issues themselves. Neither is probably true but that’s my perception.
I have never heard anyone I know IRL saying they’re on mumsnet.

Woodlandbelle · 04/04/2021 23:39

I have never told anyone I am on here and I am on it every single day. Dh knows I am on something for mums. But no one else needs to know. I am much wiser and all the better for the advise (had so much over the years) very very grateful.

Woodlandbelle · 04/04/2021 23:39

Advice

Woodlandbelle · 04/04/2021 23:41

I genuinely didn't know about it being transphobic. I tend to get sucked into dinner, relocation threads. What are you doing today type stuff.

JellySlice · 04/04/2021 23:43

YABU

Pretending you're not an MNer just feeds into the myths about the evilness of Mumsnet. I hope that people who know me would stop and consider why I would be a MNer if it was such a terrible site.

I've been recognised a few times, no big deal, I just change my name. So now I'm a serial namechanger. I never say anything here that I wouldn't say in Real Life, but I wouldn't say everything to everyone, either.

Original poster
WiganNorthWest · 04/04/2021 23:54

Not going to comment on the transphobic bit except to say that mumsnet is seen as transphobic-by pp, Twitter and people in real life. I don’t visit those boards and stick to dogs, chat/more lighthearted areas.
Does anyone happen to know how many users mumsnet has/how many people read most threads (say in AIBU or the more popular forums)? I always wonder how many people are reading what I post-it seems the likelihood of someone I know reading is quite small unless millions of people use it

OP posts:
Original poster
WiganNorthWest · 04/04/2021 23:57

I do wonder when I read totally ridiculous/unnecessarily rude posts who on earth these people are and if they would admit to people in real life what they are doing. Like do they say to their husband “one second darling I’m just calling some stranger I don’t know a sanctimonious twat on a forum about tea towels”.

OP posts:
ZackaryQuack · 05/04/2021 00:00

I don't use it secretly, it's a well of knowledge. No one I know knows my username though.

It's also a guilty pleasure as there are so many random and hilarious threads that I contribute to 🤣

DoingItMyself · 05/04/2021 00:02

Suit yourself.
I'm not secretive about mn use.
I'd be more likely to be secretive about my 'friends' if they were intolerant woke types.

MrsGogolsGumbo · 05/04/2021 00:07

I tell people I use it and encourage others too, it's a great resource for lots of things but mainly for feminism and relationships. I don't think it's transphobic here regardless of what might be said - although I've never heard anyone say that in my circle thankfully - and find that in fact there are a lot of gender critical people but who are usually intelligent and reasonable.

TomPinch · 05/04/2021 00:24

If a website was, by and large, suspicious of homosexuality, opposed to its promotion, and deeply concerned about its effect on wider society, it be would be described as homophobic, regardless of how principled its opposition was.

MN is very clearly transphobic in the same sense.

Doona · 05/04/2021 00:30

Love to see some examples of transphobia if anyone has any?

There are so many. For example a thread on feminist chat at the monent:
Douglas Murray scathing about trans ideology

DM is just some random journalist ranting about trans ideology. Nothing in the way of evidence or analysis, basically just says it is stupid and distressing at length. He's also male, and anti feminist. Yet, people are lining up to celebrate him on feminist chat. Why? Last week it was Jordan Peterson, who has actually come out and denied the existence of the patriarchy. But he's anti-trans so he's celebrated on the "feminist" board.

SionnachRua · 05/04/2021 00:31

Yanbu, I'd happily admit to using Reddit but MN, no way. I disagree with the prevailing view about trans issues on here and I don't want to be associated with that.

NameChangeExtraordinaire · 05/04/2021 00:33

WTF I am an out and proud user of Mumsnet and I don't even have any children - there are loads of interesting topics. I love it for the humour, the sweariness and the fierce intelligence of some of the posters on all sorts of subjects. I've been here for the best part of a decade and have seen so many women in real need get advice and support.

PferdeMerde · 05/04/2021 00:34

You’re superior and woke. We get it

ShrikeAttack · 05/04/2021 00:35

I'm very open about my MN usage. I'm very open about everything I do.

It's not a shameful secret.

Why would I be furtive?

CandyLeBonBon · 05/04/2021 00:38

Is that so op? Hmmm

ShrikeAttack · 05/04/2021 00:39

I don't understand why you'd be ashamed of using MN. If it's that terrible, stop using it.

I'd be more embarrassed about using Reddit.

SionnachRua · 05/04/2021 00:41

@ShrikeAttack

I don't understand why you'd be ashamed of using MN. If it's that terrible, stop using it.

I'd be more embarrassed about using Reddit.

I stay around because this place is a hive of uptight nonsense, very entertaining. Some useful advice in there too of course but I just love cracking up at some of the ridiculousness you see in AIBU.
expectopelargonium · 05/04/2021 00:43

It's never occurred to me to tell anybody I'm on MN.

ShrikeAttack · 05/04/2021 00:44

This is actually the most woman positive place on the Internet. Why wouldn't I use it and openly signpost other women to it?

I have Social worker and health visitor friends that I suggest guide women here. It's a brilliant resource.

AnotherSunrise · 05/04/2021 00:46

@EasterChick98

I'm one of those FB baby group things where we all met through mumsnet. Apparently, not a single one of us actually uses mumsnet at all anymore and that one antenatal thread we met on several years ago is the only time any of us have ever posted on here. Ok then Hmm
How come you're posting now then...