To use mumsnet secretly

[WiganNorthWest]

I don’t tell anyone irl that I’m on here. Not sure why, probably because mumsnet has a bit of a bad reputation in my circles/is thought of as a bit embarrassing/petty and transphobic. Do most people admit to being on here/ talk about it with friends and family. I’ve never posted anything I’m ashamed of
Yabu- I’m a proud mumsnetter
Yanbu-I’m a secret mumsnetter

Also-how would you feel if you were ‘outed’

@peachgreen

Sorry, what? I brought up what? You seem to be responding to an imaginary conversation.

I'm a feminist. I include trans women in my feminism. That's all I said.

No...you quoted my comment and made it about one thing only. I am responding to that. If you’re seeing a different conversation that’s perfectly fine with me, but I’ve responded as I see fit from my perspective.

In any case, I’m really not going to argue with you. I’ve said what I want to say.

I mean, the patriarchy harms everyone, so in that sense it includes trans men and cis men, too. And where trans men are discriminated against because of female biology (i.e. during pregnancy or menstruation), then yes, they would be included in feminist efforts to tackle this discrimination, although trans men may have different needs in these situations (Kenny Ethan Jones does great work in addressing period-related discrimination faced by trans men, for example).

What does Cis stand for?

So basically feminism has to tackle the problems faced by everyone? That seems a bit of a tall order.
I would agree that patriarchy harms men but I don't think it's down to women to fight against it on their behalf.

My dm knows. I actually wonder if she's on here sometimes as she's becoming more outspoken as to gender. Dh and dc know. That's it.

Ah you didn’t actually quote mine so I take that back. However it was a direct reply that put words in my mouth, which I don’t appreciate.

As it happens I also disagree with the main thrust of what you said but that’s definitely a discussion for another day! 😉 I’ve clearly got a very different view to you on what’s a very complex (but also very simple) issue, but arguing with you isn’t going to change anything and I’m all done arguing. If enough people want it to go one way then they’ll have to put up with the consequences of that. I’d rather not create a nightmare for our daughters if we can help it, but if that’s the way it’s going to go then that’s the way it’s going to go.

Anyway the post office is going to close so I’d better get on with the business of the day!

Wow this post has turned into something else entirely. Had thought about deleting my app, and now this light hearted post has been twisted into something ridiculous I was right to be thinking along those lines. I'm away.

I've been on MN for quite a long time now, about 14 years. I used to happily admit to picking up advice here etc. I still will chat to DH about things I've read here. But I'd never - now - tell anyone else, because of the transphobia.

So basically feminism has to tackle the problems faced by everyone? That seems a bit of a tall order.

Well, if feminism's main aim is to smash the patriarchy, that will benefit everyone. If you want to focus your particular fight on things that will benefit cis women alone, that's totally fine. There are lots of battles and lots of feminists.

I would agree that patriarchy harms men but I don't think it's down to women to fight against it on their behalf.

No, I agree. Men should be fighting too.

What does Cis stand for?

I mean, you know perfectly well what cis means. I won't call a particular user cis as I understand some people consider it a slur and it is therefore against Talk Guidelines. But as per the OED, cis is short for cisgender, "designating a person whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds to his or her sex at birth". That's the sense in which I'm using it here. Please feel free to replace "cis men" with "men whose sense of personal identity and gender corresponds to their sex at birth" if you prefer.

oh and of course this has turned into a stupid bunfight about whether it's transphobic here. of COURSE it has.

Fair enough @Ninkanink - I certainly didn't mean to put words in your mouth and I apologise if it came across that way. You're right though, this isn't really the place for this discussion. Have a good day!

I'm assuming if anyone says they don't include trans women in "their" feminism, that is the kind of thing that is viewed as transphobic?

@Fembot123

What does Cis stand for?

Cis means your gender matches your sex. At face value, this means you're comfortable being male or female, but most people are thinking of this are thinking it means accepting that they are a particular sex, rather than being comfortable with gender'. The moment you think about it in terms of gender and sex, it becomes problematic. Many women find it deeply offensive and sexist to be told that that gender (aka the gendered roles and expectations imposed on us) are actually real and naturally innate to most of our sex.

I mean yeah, in my eyes, but that's just one person's opinion, so why would you care?

Ahh thanks @JustTurtlesAllTheWayDown

People know I use it and I'm not even a mum

@CorianderBee

People know I use it and I'm not even a mum

I think if it were a new forum coming out today it wouldn’t be called Mumsnet.

To be honest, I think people taking over a thread titled “using mumsnet secretly” to have a row about trans women is the kind of thing that contributes to the site’s reputation of being a bit bonkers and transphobic and is part of the reason I’m embarrassed to tell people I use the site.
I will still continue to use it as there is lots of useful info/other discussions that interest me. I was just curious to see whether other users tell people they use the site or not.

I don’t mention it, no. I’d be concerned that I’d be associated with the really intense transphobia that is rife on MN. I don’t go anywhere near that stuff and MN do a decent job of keeping it ringfenced from the rest of the boards, but it’s so well known for the vitriol against trans people it’s not something I’d like to be publicly associated with!

I still don’t but it’s nothing to do with trans anything 😄 Nothing to do with internalised misogyny either, I guess I just feel embarrassed to be ‘wasting time’ chatting/arguing with strangers when I could be doing other things.

My DP and now grown kids know l browse Mumsnet. I don't really need it for kids advice anymore..they are adults now. Maybe l wouldn't have told the teenagers when l was moaning about them on here🤣.
My son and his friends mid 20's apparently learnt all about matched betting from Mumsnet money page🤣🤣.

Oh and l don't consider Mumsnet transphobic at all

Im neither proud or secretive about my use of mumsnet, I wouldn't bother telling anyone unless it was relevant to something and in which it wouldn't bother me either. I do think transphobic is the most hackneyed word in use today.

I love Mumsnet! You vipers are glorious, wise, informative, experienced, creative, funny and sometimes batshit. It’s my favourite online space.

YABU - this is the most female- dominated forum I know and I recommend it to people. Women talking to women... there’s nothing the patriarchy hates more.

@teenagetantrums

Oh and l don't consider Mumsnet transphobic at all

It isn't. I actually noticed (and reported) an unpleasant transphobic comment today precisely because it's not something I generally see on here, so it stood out. Not on the Feminism board, and not on anything to do with trans people or the erosion of women's rights by TRAs.