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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use mumsnet secretly

208 replies

WiganNorthWest · 04/04/2021 21:38

I don’t tell anyone irl that I’m on here. Not sure why, probably because mumsnet has a bit of a bad reputation in my circles/is thought of as a bit embarrassing/petty and transphobic. Do most people admit to being on here/ talk about it with friends and family. I’ve never posted anything I’m ashamed of
Yabu- I’m a proud mumsnetter
Yanbu-I’m a secret mumsnetter

Also-how would you feel if you were ‘outed’

OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 04/04/2021 22:36

DH and our 20-somethings know I'm on here and tease me about it mercilessly. I don't mention it to anyone else IRL though, not really sure why as I only ever jabber on about uncontroversial stuff.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 04/04/2021 22:36

No have never told a soul l am on here.
But occasionally l blurt out something like no is a sentence and l think anyone else on here would know l am if they were there when l said that!
It is my little secret!

ColourfulElmerElephant · 04/04/2021 22:39

@EasterChick98

I'm one of those FB baby group things where we all met through mumsnet. Apparently, not a single one of us actually uses mumsnet at all anymore and that one antenatal thread we met on several years ago is the only time any of us have ever posted on here. Ok then Hmm
I’m in one of those groups as well and really did stop for a while (much too busy with children) but lockdown boredom dragged me back.
Wearywithteens · 04/04/2021 22:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

ViciousJackdaw · 04/04/2021 22:47

YABU to classify the whole of MN as 'transphobic'. Or are you trying to start yet another 1000 post fight?

How the hell have you read the line:

mumsnet has a bit of a bad reputation in my circles/is thought of as a bit embarrassing/petty and transphobic

and taken it to mean that the OP thinks the whole of MN is transphobic?

I know health services have been up the wall for the past year but do get that eye test booked as soon as you can because I think you might be having problems.

Merename · 04/04/2021 22:50

I am out and proud, and never had any negative response. Use mentioning it as a ‘safe’ way to test if someone may share my concerns about women’s rights.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/04/2021 22:52

How weird.

I would never have thought it was embarrassing, particularly as a Mum, to use Mumsnet.

It’s a useful source of information, and the whole “transphobic” thing is both inaccurate and very recent.

MrsNewms85 · 04/04/2021 22:53

@DiscustinHunAmFummin

First rule of Mumsnet. Never tell anyone you use Mumsnet.
Hahaha exactly this, I've told no one. Due to the reputation of judgemental types on here. Guilty pleasure!
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/04/2021 22:53

I have friends I met through mumsnet and have happily introduced them to others as such, ie “we met through mumsnet”.

AlCalavicci · 04/04/2021 22:54

I dont tell anyone I am on here tho I did mention it to my DB a long while back and he was a bit bemused.
I tend to think that most people would give a a grilling as to why I am on here but have no DCs , particularly one family member who seems to think that almost every thing I do or say is solely because I do not have DCs

Me - I bought 3 sets of new bedding from tescos
her - you wouldnt be able to afford that if you had DCs
Me - I just had to have my Ddog put to sleep
her - can you imagine what it would be like to lose a child ( in other words fuck all sympathy towards me )
Me - I am planning on going away for a long weekend as soon as we can travel
Her - I bet you dont pick somewhere DC friendly
Me - i am on MN
Her - apoplectic fit and faints !

SecretCiderCellar · 04/04/2021 22:55

@purpleboy

Love to see some examples of transphobia if anyone has any?
There are none, unless by ‘transphobia’ you mean ‘concern for the erosion of the sex-based rights and protections of women as a class’.
AlCalavicci · 04/04/2021 22:58

Ps I first joined when MY DH died as google pointed me this way when I was looking for advice and I will always be grateful for the kind words and sound advice I received .

And now you are stuck with me Grin

RedRec · 04/04/2021 23:02

The disingenuous "give me one example of transphobia then" comments always crack me up. Practically every post on the feminism chat board is dripping with it.

ChaBishkoot · 04/04/2021 23:04

DH knows. That’s it. I am in the US so it’s not as widely known. It is more gender critical than I am personally so I don’t venture into those threads. I don’t post anything on here that I would be embarrassed about if I was outed though. I am aware that internet privacy is a really a fig leaf so I am careful about my digital footprint. DH has almost social media- he has a Twitter account he uses for work stuff, he isn’t on FB and other than a brief few months has never been. I am actually sometimes amazed by how much time he has by not being on social media or being on his phone that much- I would like to emulate it but I’m not quite there!

ChaBishkoot · 04/04/2021 23:04

DH has zero social media* is what I meant to say. He knows I am on MN but has no clue what it is.

Mistressinthetulips · 04/04/2021 23:05

@RedRec

The disingenuous "give me one example of transphobia then" comments always crack me up. Practically every post on the feminism chat board is dripping with it.
You'd better do more reporting then, unless you are suggesting MNHQ is colluding with transphobia?
littleburn · 04/04/2021 23:06

Not embarrassed to be on here, no. It's a great forum for (predominately) women to discuss a wide range of issues that affect us. There's relatively few forums with that focus.

To be honest, I find a lot of the the snickering at Mumsnet pretty misogynistic - what do a bunch of women who've had babies know, ha ha. So that's pretty much the majority of the female population written off then. I'd be much more embarrassed to be on Reddit with its rape fantasy boards and dodgy moderators.

peachgreen · 04/04/2021 23:07

I tell people I use it but I always make sure I distance myself from the rampant transphobia. MN has supported me through miscarriage, a difficult pregnancy, post-natal depression and the illness and sudden death of my husband. Through it I have met some truly wonderful friends. I won't be ashamed of that. But yes, my experience is that the general public view MN as "that site that hates trans people".

Mistressinthetulips · 04/04/2021 23:11

How many users does mumsnet have? The idea that there is a mumsnet view on anything is pretty superficial and suggests whoever says it hasn't spent much time on here - is there a mumsnet view on weddings, birthday celebrations, shoes on/off, the Royal family, controlled crying?
There is a vast range of opinions on here, as befits the vast array of women who use it.

RewriteHistory · 04/04/2021 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MrsNewms85 · 04/04/2021 23:13

@AlCalavicci

I dont tell anyone I am on here tho I did mention it to my DB a long while back and he was a bit bemused. I tend to think that most people would give a a grilling as to why I am on here but have no DCs , particularly one family member who seems to think that almost every thing I do or say is solely because I do not have DCs Me - I bought 3 sets of new bedding from tescos her - you wouldnt be able to afford that if you had DCs Me - I just had to have my Ddog put to sleep her - can you imagine what it would be like to lose a child ( in other words fuck all sympathy towards me ) Me - I am planning on going away for a long weekend as soon as we can travel Her - I bet you dont pick somewhere DC friendly Me - i am on MN Her - apoplectic fit and faints !
She sounds jealous of your lifestyle. Leave her to it.
Puffinhead · 04/04/2021 23:16

I may refer to it in conversation when I’ve read something that’s interested me, particularly the mumsnet theories of Unforgotten!

purpleboy · 04/04/2021 23:22

@RedRec

The disingenuous "give me one example of transphobia then" comments always crack me up. Practically every post on the feminism chat board is dripping with it.
Well in that case surely it will be very easy to provide the evidence for your claim then. I'll wait...
Wearywithteens · 04/04/2021 23:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

HeeeeeyBogie · 04/04/2021 23:27

@purpleboy

Love to see some examples of transphobia if anyone has any?
I too encourage anyone who is concerned about this to find the transphobic posts/posters and provide this evidence. Be careful though, you might get educated. Even worse, you might educate someone else!