To think step-children in their 20s no longer need their "own" rooms in our house?

[cattypussclaw]

We live in a 4-bed house. My husband and I have a 15 year old daughter. My husband has two children in their 20s from his first marriage.

We purchased this house 15 years ago, when I was pregnant and each of the children had their own room. It still remains that way. My step-son visits regularly (roughly fortnightly) as he and his Dad have a hobby they pursue together. My step-daughter visits once or twice a year, sometimes staying overnight (maybe two nights if she visits at Christmas). Both my step-children still live with their Mum about half an hours drive away. Neither of them keep much in the way of personal possessions here. My step-daughter has nothing and my step-son only has a few spare clothes. Their choice, nothing to do with me.

I was thinking that I'd actually like the smallest bedroom as a room for me. I have lots of books, enjoy crafting and would like a space where I can leave out half-finished projects. I could also use it as an overflow for my clothes as our bedroom storage is small. My husband uses the study downstairs to work at home (I work full time but outside of the home) so he has "his" space for all his gaming and techy stuff.

Would it be unreasonable of me to "reclaim" this room from my step-son? My step-children are very rarely here at the same time (maybe every other Christmas for a day) and we would still have one room available for them. If they both wanted to stay, I'm sure we could muddle by for one night, with someone on an air bed in the lounge (happy for that to be me).

Should it be expected that we keep two rooms available, at all times, just in case of a visit from my step-children? AIBU to suggest this to my husband and expect him to agree?

It’s fine. I don’t still have a room in my mums house so why would it be different for step children

Sounds fine to me - but wouldn't it make more sense to take the step daughters room if she's the one who only stays a couple of nights per year?

It’s fine. I don’t even have a room in my own mum’s house anymore - it’s her sewing room. You don’t need to keep a bedroom for them indefinitely as long as there’s somewhere for them to sleep when they do visit.

Once I got to 17 and left for university I lost “my” room in the house. When I came home for holidays I got plonked wherever.

YANBU OP.

They are adults, who have their own room at their mums which is only 30 mins away.

Use the rooms as you wish. It is your house, do as you wish. If they want to stay the night they can do as many do and use the sofa or air beds etc.

I think it is fine.
I would use one room as your craft room and redecorate the other as a neutral spare room that could be used by any guest.
That way no one dc is being favored over another and there is still a space for them.

Yanbu at all as long as there is somewhere for them to sleep if needed.
A bit mean while they’re still at uni but not U at all once definitely flown the nest. When I was in my final year at uni my room was “reclaimed” - if did not seem unreasonable at the time even when I spent six months in a box room between jobs

Sounds absolutely fine. I would use one of the rooms as "your space" and repurpose the other one as a general guest room that any overnight guests can use, rather than it being a bedroom belonging to someone.

When your own daughter is that age would you remove her room??

As the SS comes on a regular basis it seems odd to use his room over the SD who comes once in a blue moon

As the SS comes much more often if you really want to use that room I would allow him to have the SD's room instead. Somebody who visits 1-2 times a year can't expect to have their own room anyway imo

I will be keeping my children’s rooms as their rooms until they have proper homes of their own, I wouldn’t get rid of them if they were still living with a parent. But yanbu to want your own space considering your DH has a study. If he objects, he can give up his study and you can have it instead.

Pick whichever room suits your needs and use it and turn the other into a neutral spare room for whomever might stay occasionally.

I think it would be more odd to keep rooms for adults in a house they don’t live in than it would be to use them for something else!! Surely it’s just a spare bedroom by this point rather than being allocated to someone specifically.

I would have one spare room and one that was my own. Enjoy it!

Adult children don't need rooms in a house they don't live in. If your step daughter only stays twice a year and has no stuff its not really her room is it?

Take one room for your crafting, make the other into a guest room. You can always put a sofa bed or a day bed in the crafting room in case all DC come home at once.

I would reclaim both rooms and rearrange stuff to avoid showing favouritism and put a foldout armchair in the smaller room so that you still have two rooms for guests.

YANBU - it is your house and your SC are adults, they don't need a permanent base at your home any more.

When my siblings and I left our family home our bedrooms all remained "ours" in the sense that any time we visit and stay over we all revert to using "our" bedrooms - and in our uni/early 20s before we had forever homes we left various things at our parents house, in our rooms, for safekeeping - but their purposes have been changed.

"My" bedroom and my brothers have become general guest rooms whereas my sisters became a study/craft room. For a while my room was turned into the kids room with cots/toddler beds etc for when all the grandchildren visited and they weren't old enough for a regular bed.

If your husband objects Id start putting my crafting in the study

Thanks for your replies.

I was going to take my step-son's room as it is more of a box room and leave my stepchildren/guests with the larger, nicer room. I was thinking, as some of you suggested, to redecorate in a neutral style so that it is suitable for whoever needs it.

Would I take away my daughter's room at that age? Only if she lived elsewhere and still had somewhere to sleep when she came home. I'm honestly not trying to push anyone out, it just seems daft to keep two rooms "on hold" forever.

I'd take the room off the one who only stays once or twice a year tbh, not the one who stays every other week.

I'd use the SD's room, but keep it as a spare room. If with a single bed, you can adapt it to use as a sofa, if with a double bed, then I'd get a good sofa bed.
That way you can just put your stuff to one side when someone (her or anyone else) visits.
And you'd still have the two rooms if they are there at the same time.

Have you talked about this yet with the family?

@DIshedUp

If your husband objects Id start putting my crafting in the study

And this.

I left home in the October and my mum had sold my bed by the time I came home for Christmas!

As others have said, go ahead. I'd take the nicest room for myself and redecorate the second room as a general spare room, with enough wardrobe space for DSS's stuff. And a fold down couch or chair in your room would mean there's enough room for everyone to stay at Christmas easily.

I would keep the stepsons, a uni student who visits regularly should have a room if possible. I’d definitely use the stepdaughters though! If dh objects he can clean half his study out by the next weekend for you to finally have some space and he can sort out where to keep his gaming or whatever stuff (bet a penny he would just plonk it in sds room then)

That's not a bad idea Lweji (sorry, don't know how to tag people). Step-daughter's room has a double bed in it so we could get rid of that and replace it with a sofa bed. I could use that room and, on the rare occasions that she visits at the same time as her brother, I could tidy my stuff away for her.

No, I haven't discussed it with anyone yet, I was just thinking it over and thought I'd try out the idea on the wise women of Mumsnet to see what they thought.