To think step-children in their 20s no longer need their "own" rooms in our house?

[cattypussclaw]

We live in a 4-bed house. My husband and I have a 15 year old daughter. My husband has two children in their 20s from his first marriage.

We purchased this house 15 years ago, when I was pregnant and each of the children had their own room. It still remains that way. My step-son visits regularly (roughly fortnightly) as he and his Dad have a hobby they pursue together. My step-daughter visits once or twice a year, sometimes staying overnight (maybe two nights if she visits at Christmas). Both my step-children still live with their Mum about half an hours drive away. Neither of them keep much in the way of personal possessions here. My step-daughter has nothing and my step-son only has a few spare clothes. Their choice, nothing to do with me.

I was thinking that I'd actually like the smallest bedroom as a room for me. I have lots of books, enjoy crafting and would like a space where I can leave out half-finished projects. I could also use it as an overflow for my clothes as our bedroom storage is small. My husband uses the study downstairs to work at home (I work full time but outside of the home) so he has "his" space for all his gaming and techy stuff.

Would it be unreasonable of me to "reclaim" this room from my step-son? My step-children are very rarely here at the same time (maybe every other Christmas for a day) and we would still have one room available for them. If they both wanted to stay, I'm sure we could muddle by for one night, with someone on an air bed in the lounge (happy for that to be me).

Should it be expected that we keep two rooms available, at all times, just in case of a visit from my step-children? AIBU to suggest this to my husband and expect him to agree?

Repurpose both rooms.

I use my kids rooms when they go to Uni each term.

As soon as the older one has her own flat, I will repurpose her room here as a guest room for when she comes back to visit

How old is the DSS? When you say in his twenties, do you mean 20 or 29? If he is 20 and has been coming every fortnight continuously since he left school, staying in his teenage bedroom that was decorated and furnished for him, it might feel like a hint that he should stop his visits.

This is a good point. I'm sure a discussion can be had with him!?

My room at the family home remains "my room" as called by my dad, and I'm early 30s and own my own home.

I would absolutely be fine with the room being turned into something new, but I would be a bit sensitive if it was done without letting me know first.

I would use the larger room, with a sofa bed as suggested. That way you won't risk your SD feeling like there is no where in the house for her.

They are old enough and don't visit often enough to need their own space.

Make one room into a generic guest room for them or any other guests, and they can leave some spare clothes in a drawer if needed. If either visit they use the guest room.

If both visit it would be good to have an option of a bed (daybed/sofa bed) somewhere else for one of them to sleep in and leave it to them to decide/toss a coin to see who gets the guest room and who takes the temporary bed.

My Dbro's bedroom was repurposed into a 'TV room' with a convertible sofa within 6 months of him moving out. When DSis moved out (we shared) I was moved into a smaller bedroom and our parents took our bedroom (which was the biggest). Then when I moved out my bedroom was redecorated into a guest room quick-smart. None of us was 'traumatized' and we all knew we were welcome any time. I understand that it may be 'different' with DSC, but a 'welcome' is more a smiling face and a loving greeting at the door than a room of one's own.

Since your DSC aren't the same sex I'd want to be able to put them in separate rooms if they visited at the same time, rather than having one have to sleep on a blow up bed in a lounge. I'd probably use the larger room for 'my' room' and put in a nice daybed, maybe even one with a trundle in case of multiple guests.

Whenever I stay with my parent I have to reclaim my old bed from the cat. She's got her own bed but prefers mine. If my old room were to officially become a "spare room" with the bed replaced by a foldaway one so that room could be made for a sewing table or something, I think that the cat would be more put out than I would.

It's your home. Do what you want to do with the rooms.

They only live 30 minutes away, not a plane ride or anything.

Not unreasonable at all, it's perfectly normal to repurpose grown up children's rooms, even if it's just changing or down a teenagers bedroom to something that would work as a guest room for adults decor wise. I would go with the sofa bed idea.

Yes, definitely do that. You could redecorate your SD room into a neutral guest bedroom. I think as long as you mention it, they will be on board.

Doesn’t matter who’s room is who’s. Pick one as a guest room and one for you to use. Whichever way around you think will work best for you, then sort out sofa bed/double bed for the other.

YANBU they are adults of only visit from time to time. I'd take SD's room though as she's with you less often.

my mum still has "my" room and I'm 45,I've still got some things in it

I can’t understand why any adult child - step or not - would expect to retain their own room in a parents house once they are adults. It’s your house, use the rooms how you want.

I would decorate both rooms neutrally, and maybe put a bed in the smaller one and a sofa bed plus your stuff in the larger

It's fine. After I went off to university (as the youngest child) our rooms got redecorated as 'spare rooms' and we would sleep wherever. Now I have children I have my own bedroom back as it's the biggest of the spare rooms so fits all of us!

It's fine to just keep one room as a guest room. My dd was shocked the other day when I said she needs to take all her stuff with her when she moves into her own house, she thought she might keep it as it is to store all her crap in that she doesn't want to take to her own house!

I plan to decorate it, install a tv and have it as my own personal boudoir.

My sister and I stopped having our own rooms at my parents' house as soon as we had our own houses, so in our early 20s.

I would go with the option of having a sofa bed in the larger room and a chairbed/futon chair in the smaller room so they can each serve as living space and spare bedroom.

If there is a bed that can be used when they visit, how you use the rest of the room and what you have in it should be your choice. Such as keeping clothes in there.

Totally reasonable, I would just let them know you're planning to redecorate, especially in terms of if there's stuff they want to take with them, etc.

I don't have a room at either parent's house anymore and I think that's how it was handled.

I would go along with your own thoughts and plans of what you would like to arrange in your own home.

*But I would have their dad have the conversation with them.

We repurposed our older children’s rooms once they had graduated from university and moved into their first ‘proper’ homes (ie we were sure they weren’t coming back home after graduation). We still have one at uni and, most likely the same will happen with her room.

YANBU at all

You should be able to enjoy your home rather than keeping rooms for adults who don't live there

Take the big room but have a sofa bed/bed in there for SD and guests.

@UrsulaBee

When your own daughter is that age would you remove her room??

Why is that relevant? The SCs already have their own room at their mother's house.

I would reclaim both rooms, turn one into your room for hobbies and crafts, then turn one into a nice guest bedroom that also has storage for your stepson if he still has possessions at your house.

At the end of the day, they're adults with their own lives.