To think step-children in their 20s no longer need their "own" rooms in our house?

[cattypussclaw]

We live in a 4-bed house. My husband and I have a 15 year old daughter. My husband has two children in their 20s from his first marriage.

We purchased this house 15 years ago, when I was pregnant and each of the children had their own room. It still remains that way. My step-son visits regularly (roughly fortnightly) as he and his Dad have a hobby they pursue together. My step-daughter visits once or twice a year, sometimes staying overnight (maybe two nights if she visits at Christmas). Both my step-children still live with their Mum about half an hours drive away. Neither of them keep much in the way of personal possessions here. My step-daughter has nothing and my step-son only has a few spare clothes. Their choice, nothing to do with me.

I was thinking that I'd actually like the smallest bedroom as a room for me. I have lots of books, enjoy crafting and would like a space where I can leave out half-finished projects. I could also use it as an overflow for my clothes as our bedroom storage is small. My husband uses the study downstairs to work at home (I work full time but outside of the home) so he has "his" space for all his gaming and techy stuff.

Would it be unreasonable of me to "reclaim" this room from my step-son? My step-children are very rarely here at the same time (maybe every other Christmas for a day) and we would still have one room available for them. If they both wanted to stay, I'm sure we could muddle by for one night, with someone on an air bed in the lounge (happy for that to be me).

Should it be expected that we keep two rooms available, at all times, just in case of a visit from my step-children? AIBU to suggest this to my husband and expect him to agree?

Take over a corner of DH's office for your hobbie - he won't be working at weekends etc presumably - then after a bit suggest taking the room.

My cousin did this with her own kids rooms. But she made the larger one into the 'craft/clothes/study' type room. She just felt that the box room, whilst ideal for her needs, meant she'd lost an actual bedroom, which turned out to be useful a few years later when she had grandchildren visiting along with mum and dad.

She got a nice double sofa bed, one that she liked as a sofa in the room - nice to sit on for reading or listening to her music. Then she got a desk from IKEA and drawers for the crafting. The IKEA desk doubled as a dressing table when her daughters and their partners visited. She just had a big box that she'd pop all her craft stuff in from the desk and it was clear.

That way, if someone had to stay the night she would just put the sofa bed down, clear the craft stuff and it was ready. Plus she had a small bedroom next door where she'd be cramped but was big enough for the grandchildren (in bunkbeds eventually).

I'd have a chat with DSD and convert her room as the guest room, leaving the more usual visitor's room alone.

Absolutely fine to have just one guest room and use the other one as a craft room.

Its fine. I'd have the larger of the two rooms and maybe have a bed settee in there if there is room.

I think it’s fine. I went to uni at 18 and a week later my bedroom had been turned into a gym 😂

My mum goes mad that when we go home we revert to the 'my room' thing- they're all spare now but we won't give them up(we're all in our 40s and 30s and she moved our stuff about 10/15 years ago )

@Lweji

I'd use the SD's room, but keep it as a spare room. If with a single bed, you can adapt it to use as a sofa, if with a double bed, then I'd get a good sofa bed. That way you can just put your stuff to one side when someone (her or anyone else) visits. And you'd still have the two rooms if they are there at the same time.

Have you talked about this yet with the family?

Why should she talk about it with two grown up children who have permanent rooms elsewhere and will still have access to a room ? How long does this continue ? Until they are in their 40s?🙄

I would reclaim both rooms, turn the small one into your craft room/storage room, redecorate the bigger one into a generic spare room for whoever stays.

As a suggestion, you could have single bed with a trundle bed underneath that can be raised up to match the height of the one it is stored under. That way you can have a single bed permanently set up for any single visitor. If there are two people, they get a single each, whether pushed together or not. I used to have this in my son's room when he was a toddler as he was really poorly so it was easier for me to just pull out the trundle bed to sleep on when I needed to be close to him.

My parents downsized the second my youngest sibling moved out. Are some people suggesting they should have remained in that house purely to facilitate occasional visits from us as children when we were grown ups and married?

One room for you and one guest room if that is what you fancy. We had a daughter-IN-LAW'S clobber in our wardrobes, then we moved house and made her put it in her house. It's your house and they live elsewhere.

Ideas that seem perfectly sensible when applied to "together" families seem to cause drama when applied to step situations ....

But OP, YANBU - and please don't feel you need to have some sort of consultation exercise with the step children. As long as they're welcome if/when they need to stay, then that's fine.

It's fine. Mine all returned home at 21 after university to study further and were home at least 2 years + but have never had a room at their father's house - he has never once asked them to stay (some divorced men are like that!). However my sons now sleep in what were my daughters' rooms and that is no problem as the girls have their own stuff (and their own places now). Things move on. Have one as your equivalent of your husband;s study and the other a guest bed room for the step on and may be your upstairs study room can have a sofa bed in it for the step daughter for her rare visits. May be ask their father to ask them first however.

So everybody has their own space - except you, who presumably contributes to the mortgage? Blow that. And I wouldn't be settling for the smallest room, either.

Take the bigger room OP. You can get a sofa bed in case of once a year visits.

You should take the larger room and make the smaller one a neutral guest bedroom. There's no good reason adult children need their own room, or a large room, in a house they only visit.

A hobby room sounds fabulous; get on pinterest OP!

Fine. Assuming you would do the same with your own child.

It's fine, OP. Once I went to university, I tended to sleep in one of the spare rooms when I went home. I liked it because it had a better view than my 'own' room.

I've annexed my university children's rooms since they went. The house is small, and I have overspill. I'm eyeing up the remaining school-aged child's room as well, so it can be repurposed in a year's time.

They still have beds in them, but other things, too.

Completely fine. I left home about ten years ago as did my DH and within a couple of years after uni when it was clear we were established both our parents reclaimed our rooms. We still have beds in there but no personal belongings and we’re aware our parents use it for other things when we’re not there. It would be different if they might move back in for a long period of time but sounds like that’s extremely unlikely, and even if they did you could always change it back. Just don’t do what my mum’s mum did and throw everything out without asking what they want...

I think makeover both rooms so it's fair and change to sofa bed/ guest room type set up

YNBU op. Different if that was their main home and they were at uni etc...

My parents are thinking about moving. If they do, my Dsis and I won't have "our rooms" at their house anymore.

I moved out at 24, my sister at 18, so it's been well over 20 years since we lived at "home". I probably should go and actually empty my room at some point...

Absolutely no problem with this at all. Why wouldn’t you make use of the bedrooms now they’re adults? As has been said, you can always change them back if at some point in the future they need to stay with you (which sounds like it’s unlikely to happen).

Yanbu although I dant bear the thought of my kids not having their own rooms one day!
But then they're still both at primary- might feel differently when they're in their 20s!
I don't think I'd do it until they'd graduated/fully secure in whatever they're doing.

@LolaSmiles

I would reclaim both rooms, turn one into your room for hobbies and crafts, then turn one into a nice guest bedroom that also has storage for your stepson if he still has possessions at your house.

At the end of the day, they're adults with their own lives.

This. Completely sensible option.

A Murphy (wall) bed with a built in desk (Studybed website or similar) would be perfect. You could probably have both rooms then.

One with the Murphy bed (for stepson) and one for clothes!