To think step-children in their 20s no longer need their "own" rooms in our house?

[cattypussclaw]

We live in a 4-bed house. My husband and I have a 15 year old daughter. My husband has two children in their 20s from his first marriage.

We purchased this house 15 years ago, when I was pregnant and each of the children had their own room. It still remains that way. My step-son visits regularly (roughly fortnightly) as he and his Dad have a hobby they pursue together. My step-daughter visits once or twice a year, sometimes staying overnight (maybe two nights if she visits at Christmas). Both my step-children still live with their Mum about half an hours drive away. Neither of them keep much in the way of personal possessions here. My step-daughter has nothing and my step-son only has a few spare clothes. Their choice, nothing to do with me.

I was thinking that I'd actually like the smallest bedroom as a room for me. I have lots of books, enjoy crafting and would like a space where I can leave out half-finished projects. I could also use it as an overflow for my clothes as our bedroom storage is small. My husband uses the study downstairs to work at home (I work full time but outside of the home) so he has "his" space for all his gaming and techy stuff.

Would it be unreasonable of me to "reclaim" this room from my step-son? My step-children are very rarely here at the same time (maybe every other Christmas for a day) and we would still have one room available for them. If they both wanted to stay, I'm sure we could muddle by for one night, with someone on an air bed in the lounge (happy for that to be me).

Should it be expected that we keep two rooms available, at all times, just in case of a visit from my step-children? AIBU to suggest this to my husband and expect him to agree?

Take that room as your sewing room, and set up the other as a general guest room for either to use when they come. My sons would have been appalled if I had kept rooms just for them, thinking it silly to the extreme.

@Ineedaneasteregg

I think it is fine. I would use one room as your craft room and redecorate the other as a neutral spare room that could be used by any guest. That way no one dc is being favored over another and there is still a space for them.

Agree with this

Absolutely use it. But as a you're dealing with doc, talk to your husband first. Then talk to the kids but not in a serious sit down way. I'll mention it in a casual way without sounding as though you're seeking their permission. Good luck op, you sound like a good dsm.

I’m still confused about why the OP needs to consult the step children about this, there are plenty of posters, who came from ‘together’ families, whose parents simply did as they wanted with their former bedrooms?

@KaleJuicer

Once I got to 17 and left for university I lost “my” room in the house. When I came home for holidays I got plonked wherever.

So you couldn’t come home after Uni? How sad.

So you couldn’t come home after Uni? How sad.

These sorts of comments are such a middle class guilt trip. They probably could come back, they just wouldn't have a designated room decorated to their teenage tastes. And many people lose "their" room when they go go uni because there are other kids there sharing and the space needs repurposing. The idea that people should have enough space in their house to keep a room each for their adult kids indefinitely is really privileged.

Exactly, guilt tripping and condescending.

It makes me laugh when people talk about 'keeping' a room for their adult offspring. I went back to my mum and dad's after my divorce when I was 28. Was I welcome? Of course. Did I expect to have my old room with my Duran Duran posters and Spandau duvet cover? Um ... don't be ridiculous. 😂

@Coffeepot72

I’m still confused about why the OP needs to consult the step children about this, there are plenty of posters, who came from ‘together’ families, whose parents simply did as they wanted with their former bedrooms?

Because the word "step" is front of "children", probably.

@LucieStar yep, add the ‘step’ prefix and common sense tends to disappear out the window!

SuperintendentHastings aSofaNearYou
I agree with you. I know I'm welcome in my parents' home, but I don't need a room keeping there for me.

Why should those living in a home not use the space for living? I can't help but think any adult who gets stroppy about not having their own bedroom at their parents is rather entitled and perhaps a little bratty in outlook.

I still have a room to stay in at my parents’ house. It’s the room I had when I lived there but it’s not the same as it’s now a spare room. I’m fine with that because I don’t live there anymore. If they made it into a craft room instead with a sofa bed, I’d still be ok with it because it’s their house and they can do what they want.

I’m getting rid of my sc room as soon as they stop coming regularly.
I have other children sharing and would like them to have a room each, rather than it sit unused 90% of the year.

I will put a sofa bed in our smallest room so that there is a comfy room for when they come. Also as PP suggests there is the option of lounge / snug being used for occasions such as Xmas.

My dad sold my family home at 18, my two siblings didn’t live with us so he bought a 2 bed and there was no room for anyone else to come.

It is very boujie to expect rooms to be kept for adult children. Lovely if it can be, if you have an abundance of space. But if like most, you’re limited then it’s absolutely right to repurpose a room.

There is always ‘a room in my house’ for my children and eventually their children. It’s not the room they grew up in - but it sometimes is - it depends if we have a houseful or not. They are happy with that because they know they’re welcome and that’s the important thing.

Dd stayed over here the other week, I gave her my bed and I slept on the couch, we had to be up early so it was o lying for a few hours.
I'd sort out her old room, or she would if needed but since she has her own place then she won't have a room just for her.
Why should she?
I don't doubt she'd sort me out a place to sleep in her home too should I need it.
It works both ways afaic.

Our daughter and her husband are buying their first house.
We spent this weekend with them and their first baby (our first grandchild).. It was heaven on earth, after shielding for a year.

I think we absolutely need a designated room in their new house

Really? Can't it just be the guest/spare room where you can keep a few things?

For heaven's sake - do NOT end up on a camp bed - it's YOUR b**y house woman!!