To not want to talk to his wife?

[awomensworkisneverdone]

The wife of a man i was seeing has reached out to me after almost 10 years!!
Long story short, this man lied to me and to his wife. No idea this man was married.
Aibu to not want to be involved? I already had to deal with this. Its been 10 years. I don't feel its fair to be dragged back into this again. What good is this going to achieve?

[EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall]

Not a chance after 10 years! You told her at the time it was sexual, how long it went on for and that you didn't know about her. I think that's enough!

You were very young and none of it was your fault. I think I'd feel the same as you did back then and I certainly wouldn't want to be rehashing it all again 10 years later.

I'm betting he's at it again but you don't owe his wife anything more than you've already told her.

[NC4N]

Very sorry all, wrong thread somehow. I will report to have it deleted x

[theThreeofWeevils]

If you pass on a clear message via the mutual friend that you are not prepared to discuss it and the friend later brings it up/tries to persuade you to talk to the wife, drop the 'friend'.

[Jennydot]

@Dontbeme Oh I see - I saw the OP had written something along the lines that the wife had seen them together and run away, I didn’t think they’d ever actually spoken about it. But I’ve just seen that they did speak at the time on Facebook.

I feel really sorry for everyone in this situation (except the husband). The wife and the OP are clearly in pain at his hands. I don’t think there’s any sense in blaming anyone except the husband for the situation they currently find themselves in. I think suggesting that the wife is to blame for her own turmoil is pretty harsh - unfaithful, dishonest and abusive relationships are very complex and I think both women in this story deserve sympathy. We also don’t know what the wife wants to say to the OP so I personally wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that she wants to have a go at her or blame her for something.

Having said that, if the OP doesn’t want to get involved, she shouldn’t. She needs to look out for her own needs first.

[BendyLikeBeckham]

OP, it seems you minimised the impact on you at the start of this thread. In light of your update, I take back what I said about giving the wife some closure. You are obviously still affected by this, even though you'd put it to one side for 10 years. You must look after yourself first.

I do wonder though if it might be cathartic to speak to her, for your benefit? You never know you may end up bonding over this.

Please don't feel shame about what happened. That was entirely on him.