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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 02/04/2021 08:37

He sounds absolutely vile. Is there something wrong with his hands that he can't do it himself?

moomin11 · 02/04/2021 08:39

Screaming at you for not changing a duvet sounds very unreasonable yes, is he always like that?!

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:39

He said he expected it to be done because he’d been away working and then he’d come home tired at 9pm and the duvet wasn’t changed. I forgot and I don’t think it warrants screaming at your wife over a duvet. But he thinks his behaviour is perfectly reasonable.

OP posts:
YoComoManzanas · 02/04/2021 08:40

Well not great to not change the bedding is it? His reaction was a bit aggressive but he was perhaps tired from work. Is he usually like this? It's rare for my dh to raise his voice to me.
Apologies all round I think from him for shouting. From you for not being considerate, and you should head out to get spare bedding ASAP.

moomin11 · 02/04/2021 08:40

OP said there isn't a spare so neither of them could change it that time of night

Sirzy · 02/04/2021 08:41

His reaction was way over the top.

Even more concerning the fact that you felt you had to lock yourself in another room all night really does ring alarm bells

FireBelliedToad · 02/04/2021 08:41

Screaming at you for changing a duvet, not ok. It I wouldn't want to sleep in a bed that my MIL had slept in, so it's not unreasonable for him to be pissed off about that.

I wouldn't have thrown the spare cover out just for a hole, I'd have kept it for emergencies if I hadn't another spare and I would have put DM/MIL in DC's bed and had DC in with me.

Coldwinterahead1 · 02/04/2021 08:42

Change your DH not the duvet.

moochingtothepub · 02/04/2021 08:44

How did he know you hadn't if you wash and put the same one on? I personally would have been rather annoyed at his attitude though

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 02/04/2021 08:45

It sounds like you didn't change the bedding for your mum either? I personally really don't like sleeping on used sheets. Even my own, I'd love to have clean sheets every day but that's not practical. You really need another set of bedding, it's ridiculous to only have the one set.
If my husband ever shouted at me like that, especially in front of children, I'd be absolutely furious.
On a side note, is it wise for your children to be able to lock themselves in their room?

LolaNova · 02/04/2021 08:46

That’s not ok. Unless you’d done something seriously unsafe there is absolutely no excuse for exploding at you.

I’m not even sure it would occur to me to change the sheets if my DM had slept in the bed for one night. We’re family. No big deal.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:46

DC split the spare duvet by climbing inside and playing peekaboo through what was previously a small hole. I did order a replacement but it was poor quality so returned it. The shops have been shut so I haven’t been able to go out to look at duvets in person. But he was yelling before he remembered we had thrown out the spare.

OP posts:
TriciaMcMillan · 02/04/2021 08:46

There is a world of difference between being a bit peeved that the duvet wasn't fresh and shouting at your wife who then feels she needs to escape to a different room. Anyone suggesting that there was equal fault on all sides and his response was in ANY way acceptable needs to recalibrate their reasonable behaviour metre, it's way off.

OP, if this is his standard MO, I'd be considering my position. Something needs to change.

HugeAckmansWife · 02/04/2021 08:47

Christ he better not come here then.. Mil slept in it for one night? I wouldn't be changing it either unless she'd actually wiped her arse on it or had night sweats or something. Several things: it takes about 5 mins to change a bed, it's hardly a mountainous task; why does one having a hi of a hole mean it's unusable in a 'bedding emergency' ; 9pm is not exactly late is it? Pathetic man baby behaviour. Did he bother to comment positively on all the stuff you had done? I bet not. I'd be telling him they have much cleaner bedding at the Travelodge down the road and he can fuck off there.

FilledSoda · 02/04/2021 08:47

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting but it doesn't justify the shouting . Only you know if this indicative of your relationship or if it was out of character for him.

HugeAckmansWife · 02/04/2021 08:50

Also, supermarkets sell bedding for about £20.

Same4Walls · 02/04/2021 08:50

How did he know you hadn't changed it if you only have one duvet set? Surely even id you had changed it, you would have washed that duvet cover, dried it and put the same one back on?

Honeybobbin · 02/04/2021 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LakieLady · 02/04/2021 08:50

If he's inclined to react like this over a slight domestic oversight, I'd be seriously contemplating ltb.

What a fuss over next to nothing. Sleeping in bedding someone else has slept in isn't nice, but he could have gone in with the kids or slept on the sofa.

What a pig.

StormcloakNord · 02/04/2021 08:51

What the fuck other dimension have I stepped into here?? @YoComoManzanas has quite clearly been smoking pot because that reply is ludicrous, as is the OP saying not changing the duvet is disgusting????? You owe him absolutely no apology and he owes you the apology of the century for acting like that!

It's fucking bedsheets wtf? If my husband actually had a go at me and shouted at me for not changing bedsheets that had been slept in for one night I'd be fucking divorcing him. That's so unbelievably unacceptable?!?

LakieLady · 02/04/2021 08:52

I'd be telling him they have much cleaner bedding at the Travelodge down the road and he can fuck off there

Pmsl!

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:52

It sounds like you didn't change the bedding for your mum either?
No. It didn’t occur to me. She wasn’t bothered, didn’t even ask. I usually wash it at the weekend. Sometimes if DM comes over during the week she gets tired and naps on the double bed for an hour, and I don’t feel the need to wash it every time she lies on it. I don’t wash my sofa every time she lies on that either.

OP posts:
thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 08:54

NOTHING warrants shouting and screaming at your wife.
Especially not a duvet!

Normal reaction would be to sigh and change it yourself. His behaviour is unacceptable.

As an aside, why wouldn't you change beddings at 9pm, that's a silly argument. Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? IF your DH wasn't a dick, it would be a nice thing to do for someone who worked all day and not hardship, yes.

It's more than unreasonable not to have a few spare sets, especially with a kid!

Sleeping in dirty bedding is grim.

WestendVBroadway · 02/04/2021 08:54

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting but it doesn't justify the shouting . Only you know if this indicative of your relationship or if it was out of character for him.

Dramatic much!

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:55

Did he bother to comment positively on all the stuff you had done?
No. That’s my point. I’d spent hours ironing and cleaning then he yelled at me because I hadn’t also washed the duvet. It’s always the case, I do 9 things and he ignores them and yells because I haven’t done a 10th thing.

OP posts:
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