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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
Lulu1919 · 02/04/2021 09:42

I'd have wanted clean bedding too but shouting is a bit over the top !!!

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:42

I put clean bedding on for guests but I don't strip the bed when I've stayed somewhere.... and I don't expect my guests to either. None of us do that.

unless the house has a maid, it's extremely rude not to! Shock

Branleuse · 02/04/2021 09:43

Theres no excuse for screaming at you. He could have either done it himself or asked you nicely to do it when u had a chance.
This is your home and youre not his bloody house elf

Mammyloveswine · 02/04/2021 09:43

@thebillyotea fuck off! What a ridiculous reply!The ops husband is bang out of order! My husband wouldn't have even noticed!

OP he's the one out of order but on Mumsnet you should change your sheets and bedding twice a day snd shower 3 times a day otherwise you a disgusting slattern!

popspops · 02/04/2021 09:43

YABU not to have changed it but that is kicked out of the water by his VVVVVU behaviour.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:44

I'll strip the bed and wash the bedding in my own time..... unlike some people on MN I don't have time to be constantly cleaning and doing laundry.

it's because some of us ARE busy that we redo the bed straight away so it's ready and a new guest coming doesn't become a faff...

Plus I tend to have friends and family with manners, they strip the bed.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 02/04/2021 09:44

We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table.

Sorry this made me laugh at the thought of you trying to cram the table into your washing machine.

Your husband is a jerk.

Please get a new duvet asap. A new husband would be good too.

gurglebelly · 02/04/2021 09:44

Shouting about it certainly isn't acceptable, but letting someone sleep in your bed and not changing the bedding also isn't on - what were you expecting him to do, sleep in the bedding your mum had used? She's your mum so it probably doesn't phase you, but to anyone else that's a bit gross.

Sugarbelle · 02/04/2021 09:45

@thebillyotea I find it very interesting that you said where has anyone condoned the shouting yet you seem to find the duvet issue much more offensive and abhorrent then the fact OP had to lock herself in her childs room to stop the husband from continuing to upset them both.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:45

[quote Mammyloveswine]@thebillyotea fuck off! What a ridiculous reply!The ops husband is bang out of order! My husband wouldn't have even noticed!

OP he's the one out of order but on Mumsnet you should change your sheets and bedding twice a day snd shower 3 times a day otherwise you a disgusting slattern![/quote]
I love that you have to tell someone to "fuck off" to express your disapproval of someone over-reacting to a petty issue.

oh the irony Grin

But yes, I agree, you are a disgusting slattern if you don't change sheets after someone else used them...

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:46

@thebillyotea

I put clean bedding on for guests but I don't strip the bed when I've stayed somewhere.... and I don't expect my guests to either. None of us do that.

unless the house has a maid, it's extremely rude not to! Shock

You understand people are different yeah? YOU may want to guests to do that but not everyone does.....and that's fine!!
thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:47

Sugarbelle

If you read my posts, I am not remotely condoning the yelling.

I can still separate the 2 issues and laugh at the posters falling over themselves to feel superior about not noticing dirty beddings and the ridiculous replies Grin

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 02/04/2021 09:48

I put clean bedding on for guests but I don't strip the bed when I've stayed somewhere.

I used to strip the bed until a friend begged me not to. Her teenagers were always bringing friends home late at night and they’d sleep in any available bed, didn’t give a damn about clean sheets. But she then had to wash the sheets. So she had taken to changing sheets before an invited guest arrived, not after.

Oh .... now I’m dreaming of visiting and having visitors again ...

WaterBottle123 · 02/04/2021 09:49

@FiveShelties

I would hate to sleep in a bed which someone else had slept in. Definitely yuck.
@FiveShelties

And yet you'll happily on sofas that have never been washed?

Makes. No. Sense.

Mumsnet be crazy.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:50

TheJerkStore

It's not about me, it's about basic manners. I didn't invent the concept of saying please and than you either.. I am well aware not everybody uses them and that some people are rude and inconsiderate. If you are happy with them, of course that's fine.

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:50

Plus I tend to have friends and family with manners, they strip the bed.

Okay.... I must tell ALL my friends and family that we have NO manners and must never stay over at anyone's house ever again as we're just an embarrassment.

Or maybe nobody actually gives a shit about stuff like this. If I have friends staying it's because we're going out abs they're usually too hungover in the morning to even think about stripping the bed.

WaterBottle123 · 02/04/2021 09:51

@MimiPigeon

Is it a bit grim she slept on a bed you'd possibly had sex in We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table.
@MimiPigeon

GrinGrinGrin

I bet you don't wash your towels daily either, how'd you get into this site?

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:52

@thebillyotea

TheJerkStore

It's not about me, it's about basic manners. I didn't invent the concept of saying please and than you either.. I am well aware not everybody uses them and that some people are rude and inconsiderate. If you are happy with them, of course that's fine.

You do realise you are coming across as very rude. You're assuming I have no manners because in my circle of friends we don't strip the bed if we've stayed over. What a bizarre assumption to come to.
Teapotsandtablecloths · 02/04/2021 09:52

Id be annoyed if i came home from working away and couldn't go to bed comfortably because the sheets hadn't been changed. Id be further annoyed if it was the only set of sheets so couldn't even be changed by myself. However i wouldnt shout at someone for it.

Hes unreasonable for shouting, but it's also unreasonable to have 1 set of bedding. What if someone was ill and threw up on it etc?

I'd buy more bedding and move on.

Sugarbelle · 02/04/2021 09:53

@thebillyotea but you have absolutely zoned in on the hygiene issue as a priority, in all of your responses here. the husbands reaction to what is really not the end of the world is far more concerning and is what the OP should be focusing on, not reading comments that are thinly veiled digs at her cleanliness standards. I have to say, I think she has far more pressing issues on her hands.

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:54

@thinkingaboutLangCleg

I put clean bedding on for guests but I don't strip the bed when I've stayed somewhere.

I used to strip the bed until a friend begged me not to. Her teenagers were always bringing friends home late at night and they’d sleep in any available bed, didn’t give a damn about clean sheets. But she then had to wash the sheets. So she had taken to changing sheets before an invited guest arrived, not after.

Oh .... now I’m dreaming of visiting and having visitors again ...

Exactly! I use my spare room as an office and I like it to be tidy so I'd rather the bed stayed made until I'm ready to wash it.
thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:54

TheJerkStore

I am not assuming anything, I am just reading your posts Smile

gurglebelly · 02/04/2021 09:56

Oh and for the people that can't understand why people find it a bit grim - I've caught a fungal skin infection from staying at a friends house, because she didn't wash the bedding between guests (we both only stayed one night) it took visits to a dermatologist and weeks of treatment to get rid of so I'd say that washing bedding after someone else had stayed in it was basic hygiene

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:56

Sugarbelle

no need to become so unpleasant. I am not throwing "digs" at the OP, I am replying to other posters (usually quoting them so it's more than clear who I am writing to).

You know it's a public forum don't you.

Tinydinosaur · 02/04/2021 09:57

His reaction wasn't appropriate but I would not sleep in a bed that anyone else had slept in and would be really pissed off to come home from work at bed time and have to deal with it. If he always reacts like this then it's not acceptable but if its a one of I'd say he's quite stressed and it was the straw that broke the camels back.
Get a spare quilt cover for christ sake, how do you live with only one?

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