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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:

Inertia · 02/04/2021 09:27

And presumably one of you cleaned the dining table after having sex on it?

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:28

yes, because in the real world anyone coming back from work would be delighted to sleep in the bed their Mother-in-law spent the night in .

In the real world, not everybody has disgusting habits.

It was an oversight. It's really not the end of the world or worthy of such drama ( from posters on here or her DH)

UrAWizHarry · 02/04/2021 09:28

@thebillyotea

UrAWizHarry

you have low standards, I have not 🤷

I have a sense of perspective.

UntamedWisteria · 02/04/2021 09:29

Are you talking about washing a duvet, or a duvet cover?

MyFuzzyBoy · 02/04/2021 09:30

This is not about the duvet. It is his nasty behaviour.

AlrightTreacle · 02/04/2021 09:30

Really surprised at how many people are focusing on how unreasonable it is to forget to change bedding, rather than how unreasonable it is for a man to scream at his wife in front of their kids about it.

OP forgot. It happens. Yes, her husband was probably tired after working away (poor little soilder) but that doesn't give him the right to scream at her about it. OP was probably also tired after looking after their kids on her own.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:31

It was an oversight. It's really not the end of the world or worthy of such drama ( from posters on here or her DH)

no one said it was the end of the world, or that Dh was justified.

But normal people would have changed the duvet cover themselves at least.

ShutUpaYourFace · 02/04/2021 09:32

If you forgot OP then apologise and say so, he in turn should also apologise for shouting. You could have both done it together in minutes. It's called a partnership / teamwork. If you're at home while he is at work it doesn't mean you are not working or tired too. I hope you can sort it out.

LittleBearPad · 02/04/2021 09:32

He’s overreacted. It was perfectly possible for him to flip the duvet over and the sheets then it could be washed the next day. However buy more bedding so you aren’t under pressure to wash and use the same bed linen in one day.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:33

UrAWizHarry

it's vile. Normal people don't share bedding with in-laws or anyone.

Normal people wouldn't reuse a plate and cutlery that has been used by their in-laws without washing them first. You just don't.

And it has nothing to do with Covid and people having sleepovers in the middle of a lockdown.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 02/04/2021 09:33

Unless the woman slathers herself in lotion and sleeps in the nude then at worst there will be a few hairs and skin cells. Oh noes.

People dribble onto pillows in their sleep. It's not just about their skin touching the sheets, it's about sleeping on a pillow that's been dribbled onto. Inhaling your mother in law's saliva isn't for everybody.

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:33

@thebillyotea

It was an oversight. It's really not the end of the world or worthy of such drama ( from posters on here or her DH)

no one said it was the end of the world, or that Dh was justified.

But normal people would have changed the duvet cover themselves at least.

She forgot. So what 🤷🏼‍♀️ Life goes on. Nobody died. It might not be ideal but it's really not that bad.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:34

@UntamedWisteria

Are you talking about washing a duvet, or a duvet cover?

Seems like some posters are so grim it wouldn't surprise me they don't even put duvet covers on them!

Sugarbelle · 02/04/2021 09:34

okay so reality check, yes okay the OP forgot to change the duvet and in an ideal world he would of had a fresh one for when he got home from work.

but first of all, it isnt just OPs responsibility tp ensure they have spares. Secondly, how can anyone justify him screaming at his wife with children in the house over a duvet? noone has a right to scream at someone, its disgraceful.

no wonder there are so many man children in the world, so many women have enabled them in thinking that we are only here to make their lives easier and damn us if we DARE overlook anything.

OP if he normally reacts like this over such small things, you have a real issue with respect in your relationship. Would he speak to his friends/his boss/literally ANYONE else in that way? if the answer is no it's because he thinks he can get away with it with you. do not put up with someone who thinks it's any way acceptable to speak to you in such a way.

Sceptre86 · 02/04/2021 09:35

He shouldn't have shouted and if he was that bothered should have changed it himself and if I was him I definitely would have changed it. You sound like you have different ideas of cleanliness I would always change the bedding if my mum was staying at my house and strip the bed when she had left, it is just common courtesy. The fact that you werenok with her sleeping in dirty bedding is grim. The biggest issue is the shouting and if that is typical for him.

alphabetQ · 02/04/2021 09:36

I'm surprised how many people think your dp was remotely justified! Yeah, it's a bit annoying to have to sleep in bedding someone else has slept in, but there's no way it merits shouting at someone. Not at all. And in front of your kid too! He was totally unreasonable.

You forgot something which slightly inconvenienced him while you were sorting out the rest of the home he shares with you and taking care of your child. You didn't actually do anything wrong.

Yesmate · 02/04/2021 09:36

This thread is bonkers. Why are so many people focusing on the OPs bed washing habits and ignoring the behaviour of her DH.
The OP has locked herself in her children’s bedroom to prevent him shouting at her. She has said this is not the first time. Fuck the washing of the duvet, that’s not the issue. The issue is your DH is horrible.

TheDogsMother · 02/04/2021 09:37

@AlrightTreacle

Exactly ! I would also want clean bedding but that's completely beside the point. I just can't get past a man screaming at his wife about anything.

Twoforthree · 02/04/2021 09:37

You don't seem in the least bothered about sharing it on here and didn't change it for your mum, so if that's your general attitude to sheet sharing and your dh knew that, I can see why he got riled up so quickly assuming you weren't bothered. That doesn't justify the shouting though.
If it's a one off then forgive him and realise that other people do find it grim (I do), but if this is a pattern then you have a relationship problem rather than a duvet problem.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:38

Does it mean guests who don't undo beddings when they leave are posters who don't change the sheets for guests...

UntamedWisteria · 02/04/2021 09:38

My mum has a cotton sheet sleeping bag she uses when she goes to stay with family so that sheets don't need to be changed if she's only staying one night (it covers the pillow too).

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 02/04/2021 09:39

Doesn’t warrant shouting but not changing bedding after a guest especially in an pandemic is awful. I wouldn’t have wanted to sleep there either.

PinkiOcelot · 02/04/2021 09:40

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale so you would let you DP know you were pissed off?!! You sound like a dick as well.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:41

@UntamedWisteria

My mum has a cotton sheet sleeping bag she uses when she goes to stay with family so that sheets don't need to be changed if she's only staying one night (it covers the pillow too).

I'd still change them personally.

My mum taught us to always travel with a towel, so we could at least use that as a pillow if there was every any suspicion of dirty beddings anywhere .

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:41

@thebillyotea

Does it mean guests who don't undo beddings when they leave are posters who don't change the sheets for guests...

I put clean bedding on for guests but I don't strip the bed when I've stayed somewhere.... and I don't expect my guests to either. None of us do that. I'll strip the bed and wash the bedding in my own time..... unlike some people on MN I don't have time to be constantly cleaning and doing laundry.

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