Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 08:56

There's so many wrongs on this thread it's unreal.

chocolateorangeinhaler · 02/04/2021 08:56

That would instantly mean I never change a duvet again. What's stopping him putting the covers in the washing machine before he leaves for work?
He washes them, you dry them and pop them back on.
Sounds like a typical'I want something but will throw a tantrum because I don't want to take responsibility for it' situation.

Hankunamatata · 02/04/2021 08:57

He was knackered and came home at 9pm. Probably wanted to go to bed. I'd be annoyed if on had to start changing bedding.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 08:58

Did he bother to comment positively on all the stuff you had done?

in fairness, did the OP comment positively on all the work HE's done at work that day?

But the whole thing is ridiculous. I wouldn't ever tolerate someone shouting at me, especially for a flipping duvet cover

FiveShelties · 02/04/2021 08:58

I would hate to sleep in a bed which someone else had slept in. Definitely yuck.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 08:59

What's stopping him putting the covers in the washing machine before he leaves for work?

as he left on Wednesday, how would that be practical to anyone?

FlyingBurrito · 02/04/2021 08:59

I'm assuming you mean the duvet cover and that he doesn't expect you to use a totally different duvet

This kind of nonsense is one of the reasons I'm quite happy to be single

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:00

How did he know you hadn't changed it if you only have one duvet set?
The bed wasn’t made. I’d been doing housework and laundry all day but DC started playing up before I got round to the master bedroom. I thought I just needed to make the bed, I forgot about washing the duvet.

OP posts:
PrelovedWithValue · 02/04/2021 09:02

But surely he would just have assumed that you'd slept in it?

I'm so confused by this.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/04/2021 09:02

Should you have changed the bedding? I assume you mean covers not actually washing the internal duvet? Yes. Is it a bit grim she slept on a bed you'd possibly had sex in and then he's sleeping on pillows she's dribbled on? Yes.

Does that warrant screaming at you?
No.
No.
No.

Does he usually scream at you op?

TheJerkStore · 02/04/2021 09:03

You're going to get some skewed answers on here OP because in MN world people change their bedding the second someone looks at it.... however, in the real world you've not done anything wrong and your DH behaved like a dick.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 02/04/2021 09:04

Of this is normal for him I’d be rethinking whether you want to carry on with the relationship. Do you want your children growing up thinking this kind of behaviour was normal?

What advice would you give to a friend if they were in your situation?

TheOneWithTheBigNose · 02/04/2021 09:04

People who are condoning the DH yelling at his wife have seriously low relationship standards.

PinkiOcelot · 02/04/2021 09:04

This can’t be an isolated incident OP. This is him behaviour isn’t it?
You need to seriously think about your relationship because that behaviour, about something so trivial, was totally unacceptable.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:04

Not changing the duvet cover is disgusting
I forgot. I was busy cleaning shit off his child and doing all his laundry that he’d dumped in the basket earlier in the week. It wouldn’t have killed him to sleep on it for one night. I just don’t think a duvet justifies screaming at your wife. He obviously thinks otherwise.

OP posts:
StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 02/04/2021 09:04

Id be pissed off if I came home from work at 9pm and there were sheets on the bed that someone else had slept in. Im v sensitive to smells so that would affect me a lot. I dont think I would explode, but would let dp know that I was pissed off.

Does he have form for exploding at you like that or was it a one off?

Moonstone1234 · 02/04/2021 09:05

I am sorry but honestly you say you were cleaning all day yet you didn’t do the one thing that would have made a difference. Sleeping on sheets someone else has been sleeping on is grim.

You can easily get a spare set either online or in the supermarkets.

But he should not have shouted at you.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:06

But surely he would just have assumed that you'd slept in it?
He knew DM had stayed over in the double bed and I’d slept with DC. So when the bed wasn’t made he knew it hadn’t been washed since DM slept on it.

OP posts:
GladysTheGroovyMule · 02/04/2021 09:07

Yanbu at all who the fuck does he think he is? Is he like this often or this is out of character for him? Either way it’s not acceptable to speak to anyone like that, let alone your partner. He owes you a massive sincere apology at the very least.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:08

Is it a bit grim she slept on a bed you'd possibly had sex in
We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table.

OP posts:
userxx · 02/04/2021 09:10

Nothing warrants being shouted at, absolutely nothing. I wasn't shouted at as a child so I definitely wouldn't tolerate it as an adult.

GreenLeafTurnip · 02/04/2021 09:10

Men really suck. My husband sucks. Your husband sucks. I feel so jealous of the women who have good men in their lives. This self entitlement of some men is just soul destroying. I hope that I can raise my son to be one of the good ones but with his father as a role model I'm not hopeful.

NichyNoo · 02/04/2021 09:11

I find the laundry standards on mumsnet seriously worrying - do people seriously wash everything if anyone outside of their family touches it? Unless your mum slathers herself in moisturiser before bed or has scabies then there is no need to wash everything. I assume she wore PJs or a nightie so all of the ‘yuck’ that people seem to think she’s covered in would’ve gone on them?

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:12

@TheJerkStore

You're going to get some skewed answers on here OP because in MN world people change their bedding the second someone looks at it.... however, in the real world you've not done anything wrong and your DH behaved like a dick.
yes, because in the real world anyone coming back from work would be delighted to sleep in the bed their Mother-in-law spent the night in Grin.

In the real world, not everybody has disgusting habits.

Still not ok with the screaming though.

Calvinlookingforhobbes · 02/04/2021 09:12

The bedding is not the issue. It’s your husband. Why is he shouting and yelling at you? This is not how most relationships work.