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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to forget to change the duvet?

327 replies

MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 08:35

Can someone please tell me who is BU here? I simply don’t know any more.

DH went away on Wed night for work. My DM (bubble) had a pizza and movies sleepover with me and DC. There are 2 bedrooms so DM slept in the double bed and I slept with DC so she wouldn’t be disturbed. The next day I did all the laundry and cleaned so the house would be nice for the bank holiday weekend. I forgot to change the bedding.

DH came home last night and took his suitcase upstairs. I was in the bathroom washing DC after a poo incident. Then we went upstairs to say hello.

DH didn’t even greet us or kiss us. Instead he started yelling because I hadn’t changed the duvet that my DM had slept on. He was screaming this is the same duvet that was on the bed when I left! Am I supposed to change the duvet at this time of night? We don’t have a clean one because the spare duvet got a hole and was thrown out, so that means I’ll have to strip the bed and sleep with no sheets!

I know I forgot to change the bedding but I just think his behaviour was unacceptable. I went in DCs room and locked the door and I’ve stayed in here all night.

OP posts:
Ginsodden · 02/04/2021 09:13

OP you’ve clearly put his health at risk making him sleep on something someone else’s skin has touched! Better call 111 for advice. Don’t you know he could get ill and die!! What is the world coming to where women can behave like this? Clearly you deserved to be aggressively shouted at and hounded into a locked room. I’m surprised he didn’t report you to the police Hmm

dementedpixie · 02/04/2021 09:13

Buy a spare duvet set or 2. They are widely available in supermarkets or online

He is out of order to scream at you

LemonDrizzles · 02/04/2021 09:13

yikes (at his behavior) and hugs (to you for putting up with it). no advice here. guess he had a long day? you had a long day also. if the duvets are so important to him, maybe he could have done them in that instance? some tasks are forgotten - that's life. not changing the duvet? that's not life and death....

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:14

@NichyNoo

I find the laundry standards on mumsnet seriously worrying - do people seriously wash everything if anyone outside of their family touches it? Unless your mum slathers herself in moisturiser before bed or has scabies then there is no need to wash everything. I assume she wore PJs or a nightie so all of the ‘yuck’ that people seem to think she’s covered in would’ve gone on them?
I do find the standards seriously worrying too.

Don't people change beddings when someone else uses them?
That's disgusting!

Laggartha · 02/04/2021 09:14

Why did you lock the door? Were you frightened?

OP YADNBU Flowers

userxx · 02/04/2021 09:15

@GreenLeafTurnip

Men really suck. My husband sucks. Your husband sucks. I feel so jealous of the women who have good men in their lives. This self entitlement of some men is just soul destroying. I hope that I can raise my son to be one of the good ones but with his father as a role model I'm not hopeful.

I'm never quick to say LTB but if I thought my child was going to grow up to be a bit of a shit because of his fathers influence then I would have to.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:15

@TheOneWithTheBigNose

People who are condoning the DH yelling at his wife have seriously low relationship standards.
please quote ONE post where anyone is condoning the screaming...
TheDogsMother · 02/04/2021 09:17

Screaming at you for anything, absolutely anything is massively unacceptable. I would be horrified at being shouted at like this. Suggest he sleeps on the sofa then he can get up and change the bed himself.

UrAWizHarry · 02/04/2021 09:18

It's not going to kill anyone to sleep on bedding someone else has used a night, people are bring ridiculous about that.

Besides, it's missing the point. Shouting at someone for forgetting to do a stupid, non essential task is a dick move.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:18

@MimiPigeon

Is it a bit grim she slept on a bed you'd possibly had sex in We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table.
I also seat in public transport seats and god knows what happened on there, that's why I wash my clothes Grin

As you have kids, god knows I hope you disinfected your dining table for their sake...

(Again, not ok with the yelling)

HikeForward · 02/04/2021 09:18

It’s grim to expect him to sleep in your mum’s used bedding.

If you knew you had no spare and no time to wash it why didn’t you have your mum sleep in the spare room?

He shouldn’t have shouted. But it’s not nice getting home after a long work trip to find somebody else has slept in your bed and there are no clean covers!

Imagine if he’d done the same with his dad, how would you feel being told you had to sleep in FIL’s used bedding?

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:18

Why did you lock the door? Were you frightened
No but I didn’t want him to come in and continue upsetting DC (and me).

OP posts:
thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:19

It's not going to kill anyone to sleep on bedding someone else has used a night, people are bring ridiculous about that.

technically it wouldn't kill anyone to share towels, share toothbrush and eat in the same plate as their in-laws. Doesn't make it any less grim though.

It's possible to be shocked at the yelling without finding the sharing bedding normal in any way.

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:21

If you knew you had no spare and no time to wash it why didn’t you have your mum sleep in the spare room?
We don’t have a spare room. We have a double bed in one room and DC has a toddler bed in the other room which fits a camp bed on the floor beside it.

OP posts:
Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:22

how would you feel being told you had to sleep in FIL’s used bedding?
It wouldn’t massively bother me. I’ve slept in lots of people’s beds, and on their sofas and floors.

OP posts:
HikeForward · 02/04/2021 09:23

I am sorry but honestly you say you were cleaning all day yet you didn’t do the one thing that would have made a difference. Sleeping on sheets someone else has been sleeping on is grim

I agree, it’s about priorities.

If he’s got home at 9pm he probably wanted to lie down and rest. And couldn’t because although you’d cleaned the rest of the house you’d made up the bed with your mum’s used bedding rather than wash/change it.

Surely washing the bedding was higher priority than the rest of the laundry?

UrAWizHarry · 02/04/2021 09:23

@thebillyotea

It's not going to kill anyone to sleep on bedding someone else has used a night, people are bring ridiculous about that.

technically it wouldn't kill anyone to share towels, share toothbrush and eat in the same plate as their in-laws. Doesn't make it any less grim though.

It's possible to be shocked at the yelling without finding the sharing bedding normal in any way.

Unless the woman slathers herself in lotion and sleeps in the nude then at worst there will be a few hairs and skin cells. Oh noes.
Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:24

technically it wouldn't kill anyone to share towels
That reminds me, DM had a shower and the towel is probably still on the rack.

OP posts:
TheOneWithTheBigNose · 02/04/2021 09:25

We’ve had sex on the sofa and everyone sits on that. We’ve also had sex on the dining table

Grin great answer

Inertia · 02/04/2021 09:25

Your husband’s threatening behaviour is absolutely inexcusable, and if you feel so threatened by him that you have to lock yourself away then you do have bigger problems than bedding.

However , not having a spare set of bedding puts a ridiculous amount of pressure on you to get one set washed, dried and replaced when you’re already dealing with small children and their associated cleaning up. It doesn’t have to be Savoy hotel quality, something from a supermarket/ Amazon /Argos is generally easy to get hold of and reasonably priced.

thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:25

UrAWizHarry

you have low standards, I have not 🤷

Original poster
MimiPigeon · 02/04/2021 09:26

Surely washing the bedding was higher priority than the rest of the laundry?
I remember in the morning I thought I must wash the duvet. But I left it till last because duvets are a pain in the arse to wash and iron. Then I got busy and I forgot.

OP posts:
thebillyotea · 02/04/2021 09:26

Reminds me of people selling clothes on ebay and not washing jumpers etc.. because "they didn't touch the skin so they're clean".

😂

DancesWithDaffodils · 02/04/2021 09:27

Yeah, not washing the sheets was a bit grim, however your husbands reaction was totally unacceptable, and absolutly unreasonable.
I'd sleep in a bed my mother had slept in, but be icked by sheets my inlaws had slept in.
It would make life easier if you had another duvet cover and sheet tho. ASDA stuff is really good. Next, M&S, Dunelm are all doing internet orders. You should be able to find something.
Hope your husband has calmed down this morning, and apologises to you.

UrAWizHarry · 02/04/2021 09:27

@HikeForward

I am sorry but honestly you say you were cleaning all day yet you didn’t do the one thing that would have made a difference. Sleeping on sheets someone else has been sleeping on is grim

I agree, it’s about priorities.

If he’s got home at 9pm he probably wanted to lie down and rest. And couldn’t because although you’d cleaned the rest of the house you’d made up the bed with your mum’s used bedding rather than wash/change it.

Surely washing the bedding was higher priority than the rest of the laundry?

She just forgot to do it. People forget things. A reasonable response would have been to either do it himself or at least say hello, make a cup of tea and then just say "oh, can you stick some sheets on the bed?".

Not telling to the point where the op has to lock herself in with the kids. Jesus. Stop defending this prick.