Suddenly so angry - being shouted at and leered at just going for a walk with my DD

[slipperandtherose]

Suddenly so angry - being shouted at and leered at just going for a walk with my DD.
Just that.... My DD is 16, during the last year we have started walking together. One of our walks is along a fairly busy road in the evening. Every walk, cars will go by and beep, sometimes men shout out.... even had middle aged men turn their interior light on and drive past slowly.
It's really intimidating and has made us physIcally jump at times.
This is putting my daughter off going for walks on her own.
I realised that women and girls have been putting up with this level of intimidation since we became teenagers. We've had to put up with this...
Also I have had really arrogant reactions from all ages of men in cars, where they make a point of swearing / slowing up / shouting ... when they feel you haven't let them through etc... Would they have had this reaction if I was a man? Probably not...
There is low level misogyny just in the most normal everyday activities, and it's suddenly making me really cross, probably because I can see how it affects my DD.
AIBU to suggest that there should be some sort of addition to PSHE teachings in schools that includes the awareness of what is not okay in a civilised society, because there are still too many young men that don't seem to know that this is wrong?

[Fembot123]

I hate this, I’ve been beeped when out running and it’s made me jump out of my skin and is really off putting.

[Onlinedilema]

I don't think we can keep blaming the internet and porn. This happened on a regular basis to me long before the internet was here. Those men will be granddads now. They have passed the message and misogyny down to their sons who are and will be doing the same with their sons. I seen TV shows such as Total Wipeout where men scream "I'm not going to be beaten by a woman!" Replace woman with black man. Do you think the programme would be allowed to be braodcast? Absolutely not. Replace the word woman with gay or homosexual and the same applies.
The same misogyny is seen in professional sport, interviewers speaking to Andy Murray telling him he would be the first British player to with Wimbledon in X years. Well done Andy for correcting him. The first MAN to win, not the first Briton.
This isn't a new phenomena , the widespread availability of internet prob is not the cause it probably doesn't help but it absolutely did not cause the problem. The problem was already there. We need to stop excusing the vile behaviour of men, most of whom will be parents. Most of whom say they are horrified when a paedophile is caught yet it is these very men who are shouting and leering at children themselves.

[Macncheeseballs]

Onestepout, isn't the weight issue the same as how one dresses? I've had very little problems with this kind of thing in my life and I can only assume it's what I wear and my general demeanour!? (And poss wearing headphones when running so can't hear) But it does seem things are worse now

[Ddot]

I've had problems in work uniform so dont think it's all down to what you wear

[TatianaBis]

I agree that it’s a problem that has always existed. As a teen in London in the 80s one just had a sense of being hunted. OP’s experience with ner was a regular occurrence.

But I do think it’s got worse since the advent of internet porn and social media.

I’m 50 and knowing what girls have to put up with in schools now - school wasn’t as bad as that in my day. (We had more problem with hassle from the teachers actually - now that’s harder to get away with).

[Macncheeseballs]

Ddot, aren't uniforms of all kinds fetishised?

[follygirl]

My dd started getting catcalls at the age of 14 while going on a run. She obviously looked like a child at the time. She's now 16 and it's even worse now.
It's absolutely disgusting and my 14 yo ds and dh would certainly never behave like that.
I just don't understand the thinking behind the behaviour. Do they think that my dd is going to be grateful and flattered that some disgusting man old enough to be her father shouts 'show us your tits?' Or as I suspect, it's just a use of power and degradation because they are obviously sad little men and want to show her who is in charge.

[Wymyny]

This thread is depressing and positive in equal measures. Depressing that this is still happening to so many women and girls but positive because you are willing to call it out. Does anyone know if there are any campaigns about ending street harassment? Would love to get involved. I am 51 now and had years of this crap. I have 3 DDs and a DS. I don’t want to curtail DDs freedom and independence but I can’t bear to think of pervy blokes making them feel as bad about themselves as I used to feel

[Macncheeseballs]

I don't think any of us can really know how the men in our lives behave when we are not with them, or indeed, in the case of partners, before they met us

[Confusedandshaken]

We live on a new build development. We were one of the first houses to be finished so for a bout 18 months development continued nearby. My daughters were aged about 12/14 and there was a brief period when as they left for school in the morning (in school uniform so clearly children) they would be bombarded with cat calls from men on the site. It really frightened them being yelled at by grown men who knew they were underage.

I say it was a brief period because as soon as they told me I wrote to the site manager complaining and CC'd it to the CEO of the development company. They clearly took it very seriously because it stopped within 48 hours.

[Onlinedilema]

Confused and that is exactly the correct response. Funny how men can behave themselves when faced with the prospect of losing their job isn't it?
This is what needs to be done, naming and shaming, every time.

[Thecatonthemat]

There is research that says men react to being shamed and named for their prostitution habit. It seems that the only thing that has any effect on their behaviour is if their wife and family are informed. The other thing is that mothers of sons must stop minimising their behaviour/ protecting them from the repercussions etc. I don’t trust the fathers/ uncles/ brothers to call it out either. When Covid restrictions ease, women could get together in small groups armed with cameras particularly at school start and finish times. Some of these men may well also be trying to pick off the particularly vulnerable one. I don’t trust the police much to take it seriously either. Horrific to see the extent of this. It is not about what you wear or even age.

[5128gap]

@TatianaBis

I agree that it’s a problem that has always existed. As a teen in London in the 80s one just had a sense of being hunted. OP’s experience with ner was a regular occurrence.

But I do think it’s got worse since the advent of internet porn and social media.

I’m 50 and knowing what girls have to put up with in schools now - school wasn’t as bad as that in my day. (We had more problem with hassle from the teachers actually - now that’s harder to get away with).

I also think it's been much worse this last year. In normal times a lot of them are making nuisances of themselves in pubs and clubs.
At the moment the only real opportunity to engage with (harass) women is on the streets.
A lot if us are also walking more often, so it's a bit of a kid in a sweet shop thing for them.

[josbd]

This is utterly despicable, and WRONG! Why should women take responsibility for men's shite actions? Why should we cover ourselves from head to toe simply because men cannot control themselves? ffs. Unbelievable.

[Redruby2020]

That's not nice, I mean I've gad it in a different context over the years, where I gad comments about my weight.
This is disgraceful, and please if anyone doesn't think so that's fine, but I feel like it's got worse since last year's lockdown. No clubs pubs etc, there were times it was very quiet out, like men would look like they hadn't seen a woman before!

[likeamillpond]

Its especially sickening when middle aged and old men lear at teenage girls.
They probably have granddaughters the same age.
What's wrong with these men?

[apalledandshocked]

@RuleWithAWoodenFoot

AIBU to suggest that there should be some sort of addition to PSHE teachings in schools that includes the awareness of what is not okay in a civilised society, because there are still too many young men that don't seem to know that this is wrong?

Why is this the responsibility of schools?

PARENTS.

The problem is, given a lot of the pervers in the OP were middle aged, a lot of them WILL be fathers of young men/boys. So although obviously parents SHOULD be teaching their children not to be sleazy little mysogynists we cant rely on them to do it - so schools have a role.

[Sweetpea1532]

This has been going on for decades...when I was a teen in the 70s, it happened to me many times.
I was very tall for my age.Once when I was 13 I was on a walk around the neighbourhood. A car with 2 male teens pulled beside me and tried to chat me up...nothing abusive, just hello, how are you? etc...what one guy didn't know was I actually knew him...he was the much older brother of a girlfriend...
I told him that, and he was shocked and embarrassed! I'll never forget what he said...,"Omg, you're my baby sister's age? and her friend? " I don't know for certain if that experience stopped him from trying to chat up another female on a walk, but I'm sure it did make him think before he did it again.
So maybe that needs to be the slogan for the campaign.."I could be your baby sister , I could be your daughter, I could be your mother, I could be your granddaughter, etc. Would you want her harassed??"
. Put it on billboards, t-shirt, social media.

And I had an extremely distressing reaction when I gave one guy the finger....I was walking to my car and he followed me. I drove away and he still followed. In my panicked state whilst I was trying to get away, I pulled out right if front of a speeding vehicle and almost got in a crash.