Suddenly so angry - being shouted at and leered at just going for a walk with my DD

[slipperandtherose]

Suddenly so angry - being shouted at and leered at just going for a walk with my DD.
Just that.... My DD is 16, during the last year we have started walking together. One of our walks is along a fairly busy road in the evening. Every walk, cars will go by and beep, sometimes men shout out.... even had middle aged men turn their interior light on and drive past slowly.
It's really intimidating and has made us physIcally jump at times.
This is putting my daughter off going for walks on her own.
I realised that women and girls have been putting up with this level of intimidation since we became teenagers. We've had to put up with this...
Also I have had really arrogant reactions from all ages of men in cars, where they make a point of swearing / slowing up / shouting ... when they feel you haven't let them through etc... Would they have had this reaction if I was a man? Probably not...
There is low level misogyny just in the most normal everyday activities, and it's suddenly making me really cross, probably because I can see how it affects my DD.
AIBU to suggest that there should be some sort of addition to PSHE teachings in schools that includes the awareness of what is not okay in a civilised society, because there are still too many young men that don't seem to know that this is wrong?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

@VestaTilley

YANBU. I’m sorry you’re both enduring this; it’s despicable. Start shouting back at those men.

Street harassment of women and girls should be illegal. It’s misogyny and it’s unacceptable.

We should all be writing to our MPs asking for them to make it illegal.

Agreed, I’m bloody angry too.

[bendmeoverbackwards]

@Jeeperscreepers69

No dont!!! Its against the law

What is?

[Bertiebiscuit]

I'm so sorry this is happening to you - video it if you can and report to the police, put it on social media, misogyny needs to be taken seriously as hate crime - put up their number plates on twitter, facebook etc Name and Shame - men have to be punished somehow for this behaviour

[AlohaMolly]

I remember my mother being as angry as you, OP, when she saw it happen to me. I’m 33 now, but I was a tall, thin, curvy teen and developed early. By 13, my mum constantly had steam coming out of her ears as she watched men perve over me or make suggestive comments. I’m only just learning how to stick up for myself now, 20 years later, it was devastating for me as an introverted teen. I can’t count the number of low level incidents that really fucking intimidated me that occurred before my eventual rape at 17 by a taxi driver.

It’s outrageous that we still live in a society where this happens. I like the idea of filming all of them, and egging, but I would be careful about egging as I wonder if there might be a law against that?

[evilharpy]

[quote Jeeperscreepers69]@quarentini. Wow. If men took photos of you and posted them on facebook im assuming you would call the police. What a disgusting thing to do. O and men would be labeled weirdos perverts. Pretty sure its against the law anyway posting pics of people without there consent.[/quote]
Men who leer and shout at women ARE weirdos and perverts. I would very much want to know if my husband was behaving like this.

[Bluebells32]

It's 2021 and these men think it's ok to do this. Some people have the attitude "oh boys will be boys" - no, these creeps are harassing two women out on their walk. Keep your camera phone handy, get their number plates and faces and put them on your local fb pages. Some of these older creeps will be married. Imagine being a 40 something married dad pestering a 16yr old.

[expectopelargonium]

I have been known to shout back when I've been walking with DD (when still a teen)

"Fuck off, you paedophile" gets rid of them pretty sharpish.

[CovidCorvid]

I would absolutely put photos up online on a local fb group.

It’s not illegal to take photos of people in a public place, I suppose you have to be careful not to accuse them of something subjective...ie don’t say they’re a pervert or kerb crawler. But you can say you were walking down the road with your teen dd and this car crawled along slowly with the driver staring at your dd. People will know what you mean.

[5128gap]

I would be careful about encouraging your DDs to engage, even if just giving them the finger. They can become very nasty indeed if they feel humiliated, and this may upset or frighten your DD even more.
Also, any reaction is a win for them.
I think ignore or discreetly film and report is safer.

[aModernClassic]

@maddening

I would video a few walks and then put the highlights of this behaviours on the local Facebook.

This. Name and shame them on social media.

[Bluebells32]

a 2019 article about cat calling and street harassment: www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-devon-50125321

[Middersweekly]

It is totally unacceptable and creepy I agree OP. My 2 teenage DD’s 13 & 15 were out walking our dogs and a man in the car started following them down the road really slowly at a crawling speed. He didn’t say anything to them but continued to follow them. My girls were quite frightened tbh and I was not happy when they told me. I told them that if they see him again they need to take a picture on their phone of the car so that we can take it to the police!

[TatianaBis]

Anyone remember this film made by a woman in Brussels:

[TatianaBis]

And this one from NY

[Topseyt]

@starfro

I suspect this only happens in quite working-class areas. It wouldn't happen where I live.

I'm not in a working class area and it certainly happens here. My DD3 was kerb crawled by a perv when she was 15 and doing a morning paper round.

She got the registration number of the twat's van and I reported him to the police. He was traced easily from that. It turned out that he was a young man who still lived with his parents, so the police turned up at his parents house and gave him his official warning in full view of mummy and daddy! Who both apparently also laid into him.

Served him right. We've never seen hide nor hair of him since and that was three years ago.

[CirqueDeMorgue]

Walking today with 3dc, got leered and "beauuutiful"ed at (first time in a while tbf). Made me uncomfortable enough to stop walking and wait until he was out of sight. DD declared 'i HATE men!"

[Jeeperscreepers69]

@Karmakarmachameleon... Omg you utter snob. Whitehouse farm was a posh house. Jeremy was privately educated. Think on before you slobber your snobbery all over everyone 😉

[bendmeoverbackwards]

@Topseyt well done to your level headed dd, hope he learnt his lesson.

[RuleWithAWoodenFoot]

AIBU to suggest that there should be some sort of addition to PSHE teachings in schools that includes the awareness of what is not okay in a civilised society, because there are still too many young men that don't seem to know that this is wrong?

Why is this the responsibility of schools?

PARENTS.

[1dayatatime]

[quote Jeeperscreepers69]@quarentini. Wow. If men took photos of you and posted them on facebook im assuming you would call the police. What a disgusting thing to do. O and men would be labeled weirdos perverts. Pretty sure its against the law anyway posting pics of people without there consent.[/quote]
So if a middle aged woman slowed her car down to shout sexualised comments at my 16 year old son then yes I would have absolutely problem if he or I took photos of said woman and published them on Facebook.
Secondly yes these men would be labelled weirdo perverts because that is exactly what they are. In fact I see them more as dangerous sexual predators.
Lastly no it's not against the law to take photos (video would be better) of such men and such behaviour. I personally think it should be encouraged to take videos and let's shine a massive spotlight on these men and their behaviour.

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

Mother carried a bag of eggs and if anyone pulled up beside them and slowed down she egged their windshield.

The 20-something, ballsy gobshite I once was would have probably done something similar. That's despite having personally experienced some of the worst things men can inflict upon women.

Now? I'd be too afraid they'd harm or kill me.

[Confusedandshaken]

I'm a 60 year old woman. In the course of a normal non lockdown day I might pass several people, male and female, old and young who catch my eye because they have a great body or an attractive face or are very well dressed or have lovely hair. However not once in 60 years have I catcalled them or slowed down to get a closer look or driven round the block to intimidate them. Because, unlike the men the OPI writes about, I'm not a sexual predator. Nor am I arrogant enough to think my opinion of their appearance is of any interest to them.

[Positivevibesonlyplease]

@Naunet

Teenagers wearing crop tops will always draw attention, it may not be right but that ain't gonna change. People, both men and women, look at flesh, subconsciously or overtly

Teenagers in crop tops will always draw attention?! No, what you mean is, young women and girls will always experience sexual harassment from men and boys. That’s the truth isn’t it? Because middle aged women are not behaving like this to topless 16 year old boys in the summer are they? But what you’re trying to do is minimise bad male behaviour by pretending this isn’t a sex based issue. Why is that?

Yes, showing flesh might make people look and I suppose, unfortunately, that if you’re uncomfortable with that attention you might dress differently. It’s a shame, but a fact. However, looking is vastly different from shouting and leering - giving overtly sexual and inappropriate attention. I had a female friend who, to even things out, when driving by, used to shout and whistle at boys and men - she loved making them squirm in the same way they made girls feel uncomfortable. I would certainly video and photograph their number plates and report them for harassment. Wouldn’t it be great if their families got to see the type of person they are?

[Sally2791]

This thread is so sad,that all this shit is still happening. Can you imagine girls/women leering and calling out to boys/men?? No, it doesn’t happen. We are all so used to dealing with this, we sometimes forget that it’s NOT OK!

[ArabellaScott]

YANBU. I hate that the world is like this.