Suddenly so angry - being shouted at and leered at just going for a walk with my DD

[slipperandtherose]

Suddenly so angry - being shouted at and leered at just going for a walk with my DD.
Just that.... My DD is 16, during the last year we have started walking together. One of our walks is along a fairly busy road in the evening. Every walk, cars will go by and beep, sometimes men shout out.... even had middle aged men turn their interior light on and drive past slowly.
It's really intimidating and has made us physIcally jump at times.
This is putting my daughter off going for walks on her own.
I realised that women and girls have been putting up with this level of intimidation since we became teenagers. We've had to put up with this...
Also I have had really arrogant reactions from all ages of men in cars, where they make a point of swearing / slowing up / shouting ... when they feel you haven't let them through etc... Would they have had this reaction if I was a man? Probably not...
There is low level misogyny just in the most normal everyday activities, and it's suddenly making me really cross, probably because I can see how it affects my DD.
AIBU to suggest that there should be some sort of addition to PSHE teachings in schools that includes the awareness of what is not okay in a civilised society, because there are still too many young men that don't seem to know that this is wrong?

[Jeeperscreepers69]

@slipperandtherose. Christ where are you walking? In a known red light district? 🤐

[Ilovewolfblass]

If your Daughter is 16, you must about 40. Chances are the leers are 4 her.

[Jeeperscreepers69]

@quarentini. Wow. If men took photos of you and posted them on facebook im assuming you would call the police. What a disgusting thing to do. O and men would be labeled weirdos perverts. Pretty sure its against the law anyway posting pics of people without there consent.

[SingingSands]

I've always said that Men in cars think they are untouchable.

Whether it is bad driving, bad social behaviour or both, they must think they are inside a protective bubble where they can act how they like without reproach. It's disgusting.

My own DD had a horrible experience last weekend with a young man in car slowing down, kerb crawling her, then shouting stuff through the window. She was terrified. She was 20 yards from our front door.

[Iseestupidpeople]

I’d carry full water blasters of sorts and shoot it at any idiot coming near. Just plain old water don’t aim at faces just the cars, to make the point that you’re not defenceless. Despite the me too campaign and the young woman being murdered by that met police officer sexism and just general misogyny has gotten worse recently and funny enough it’s often not the teens you speak off needing educating, but their fathers and grandfathers that commit the offensive.

[Jeeperscreepers69]

No dont!!! Its against the law

[IRIELADY]

Reminds me of when I used to make a 2 mile walk to school aged about 15 wearing jeans and a t-shirt (no flesh showing). Most cars would beep. It didn't stop me but rather odd considering that I always looked very young, was quite flat-chested and didn't wear make-up.

[Iseestupidpeople]

Oh and I’d take the license plate time and date then report them for road rage, so it’ll cost them some points in their licence.

[starfro]

I suspect this only happens in quite working-class areas. It wouldn't happen where I live.

[Plunger]

Use your phone to photograph them, better still a video. Try and get their reg number and report to the police - it's harassment. Just taking a photo will probably scare the s* out of them. They do it to make themselves feel big.

[IRIELADY]

@starfro

I suspect this only happens in quite working-class areas. It wouldn't happen where I live.

Hahaha! Happened to me as a schoolgirl walking from my perfectly respectable area and along a ring road to get to school.

[quarentini]

@Jeeperscreepers69 if men want to intimidate me and my daughters or sexually leer and comment then I don't give a shit about them.

[Karmakarmachameleon]

I went out for a walk with my DD a couple of weeks ago, and had three separate middle aged men turn their heads and leer as we passed. Couldn't figure out why - I'm in my 40s, and was very much dressed down in a parka, messy bun, no make up and glasses.

Then I realised - they weren't leering at me, they were leering at my DD. Who is nine.

Yes. It’s absolutely revolting but reading the thread I remember when I first became aware of leering middle aged men - it was around the age of 10. I mean, these people should be in prison.

I have a son - I would love to have a daughter but I honestly don’t think I could handle this aspect of it.

OP - YANBU to be outraged but I don’t think that PSHE lessons will even come close to fixing the problem. There’s an article on BBC News today about the sexualised abuse teachers face in schools! Our Prime Minister is a famous misogynist. The problem is incredibly deep-rooted and pervasive.

My view is that the only way it will change is if men stand to lose something from this behaviour. Jobs, livelihoods, money, liberty. The only way I can see that happening is if misogyny becomes a hate crime. We still have a long way to go in tackling racism and homophobia in the country, but I think it’s fair to say that the introduction of hate crimes has helped - most people don’t feel at liberty to hurl racist and homophobic insults in the streets these days. By contrast, open misogyny is not only tolerated, it’s often rewarded and applauded.

[Karmakarmachameleon]

I suspect this only happens in quite working-class areas. It wouldn't happen where I live.

Lol. I live in a very nice area, near one of the best private girls’ schools in the country. The girls are frequently harassed on their way to and from school - it’s a major problem.

[PinkPanther27]

[quote Jeeperscreepers69]@quarentini. Wow. If men took photos of you and posted them on facebook im assuming you would call the police. What a disgusting thing to do. O and men would be labeled weirdos perverts. Pretty sure its against the law anyway posting pics of people without there consent.[/quote]
😯😯😯
@jeeperscreepers69 Did you purposefully totally miss the point or do you not care??

[PinkPanther27]

@Karmakarmachameleon

I suspect this only happens in quite working-class areas. It wouldn't happen where I live.

Lol. I live in a very nice area, near one of the best private girls’ schools in the country. The girls are frequently harassed on their way to and from school - it’s a major problem.

Omg how naive 🤣🤣

[poppycat10]

I don't remember experiencing leering or cat calls from cars, but going past a building site was always going to elicit wolf whistles and I would just walk past as quickly as I could and ignore them.

This does seem to be a much worse problem these days. Why is that? When people say their 13 year olds are already getting cat called, it's just awful. We do need misogyny to become a hate crime to sort this out.

[poppycat10]

Pretty sure its against the law anyway posting pics of people without there consent

It isn't.

And men who leer at schoolgirls deserve to be shamed online.

[PinkPanther27]

Not directed at you @karmakarmachameleon but at whoever wrote the original comment

[Livelovebehappy]

starfro leering men don’t recognise class. You’re at risk of qetting harassed and leered at whether you live in a naice area or a working class area. Do you have a sign at the start of your very nice road banning working class people driving down it?

[dottiedodah]

It seems ludicrous that a woman and her young daughter, cannot go out and about for an early evening walk ,without gaining unwanted attention from grown men who should know better.I think if it were their daughters /GF/Sisters whatever they would be furious ! But some how OPs Families are fair game ! Just why FFS!

[TatianaBis]

Sod off to all the clothes and area comments.

September 2019 before Covid hit I was walking home from the train station after dark. I am 50 years old. I was wearing skinny jeans, flat shoes and a leather jacket.

In 10 mins I had one car of young men shouting at me, parking in the road I was about to cross, forcing me to detour around them. Then on my own road, I got kerb crawled by a man in a people carrier who swung open the doors and followed me slowly along the road. I live in a very naice area of London - quiet, low crime rate, the houses on my road are £3-4 million+.

This is not a clothes/area/asking for it problem. This is man problem.

I remembered what it was like to be a teenager and permanently hunted.

[Stinkywizzleteets]

My dd is 11 and well developed for her age. It breaks my heart to see cars slow down and adult men turning to look back at a primary school
Girl. It stopped a long time ago got me and I’d forgotten how awful it is. On our last walk a car stopped up ahead having passed us twice and it wasn’t u til he realised she was with he by now very angry looking mother that he drove off. Police uninterested in his reg no.

Thankfully Side from that instance, she doesn’t really notice it yet but I’ve had to warn her about guys in cars and vans and this guy was the perfect example of why.

It makes me so sad men haven’t really developed any sense of decency since I was young.

[Boatingforthestars]

As a previous poster has said, I think people in cars feel detached from the outside world sat inside their little box that they can run away in. Look at people shouting and swearing in cars, I've knocked on a few peoples windows when they are stuck in traffic and once they have slid down in their seats they are usually all apologetic.
I'm guessing the same characters that harass you from their cars wouldnt do it if they were walking past you as it becomes personal then and you take away their safe place (the car)
Try and get a photograph of them if you can and put it on a local facebook page, you could put up a monthly compilation.
This would stop it quite quickly I think when men have a fear of being caught out for their awful behaviour

[Mulberry974]

Walking home midday through a nice area when I was about 16 I was followed by a young man on bike several times. Ended up getting a bus instead. I was getting on a bus agedabout 30 with a male friend and got shouted at by men in cars. Said friend was a bit shocked. Sadly this hasn't changed.