to expect to have more disposable income than single mums claiming benefits

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i no longer know why me and dh bother, he works full time and i work part time so that i can juggle the child care.

i know of 3 single mums who stay near me who seem to have more money than i can dream of, out every weekend, always shopping and 2 of them manage to run cars.

i know the benefit system is needed by some people but it seems to be a complete joke these days, the wasters in this country are leading the life of reilly while the rest of us are left to slog our guts out to pay for there existence.

no doubt i will get flamed for this post but i have been out xmas shopping today trying to work to a budget then i stand next to these people at the school gates and hear about all the grants they are entitled to so they can buy xmas presents, one of them has even cut back the last 2 months and managed to save £800, it would take me bloody months to save that up.

ok rant over, deep down i am glad i am not one of these people and i do actually work for what i have but it still pisses me of.

who are you laughing at now?

i am just making the point in general MALO (not aimed at any one person)that things are not always what they seem.
so to the outside world we have three kids a brand new car and myself and Steve are both at home all day we live on benefits and we have a very good lifestyle.
what people don't see is that we have three kids with autism and that Steve is terminally ill.

MALO I don't have friend or family to help me. My family moved to Turkey two years ago.
It is not always that easy.

grteat post Edam.

i have posted about my life before i left XP.

i was working and earnign a verygood wage, doing a job i loved. my XP worked earnign a decent wage. but i was miserable my life was one long hell hole.

I am now a SMOB and i have never been happier.
i have enough to get by on, i have no luxuries really. i am better off than some as my son recieves DLA so i get an extra amount of money which allows me to run a car (essential as DS cannot use public transport and has such poor balance he would fall in teh road every 10 ft)

i get my furniture from freecycle or hand me downs from friends and family. the kids have clothes from car boots, we only eat own brand food and i dont buy anything that isnt essential.

BUT i have my children, we are safe and well and we are all happy.
i am glad im not workign and earning money with nothing better to do than whinge about a woman who is raisng her chidlren alone but has the cheek to go on holiday!

Mamazon - there's been a lot of vitriol in your posts for one who is so happy!

If you look at the one parent families site there are statistics about child poverty. Children from lone parent families are much more likely to live in poverty that children in two parent families.They are also more likely to live in poor quality accomodation. How could these statistics be true if single parents were all wealthy, splashing out on luxury items ect ect?

We would struggle because we have financial commitments - ie mortgage etc.

Those that I know that are on full benefits and that can work HAVE money - how do I know? You only have to look at the car they drive, the holidays they have, their kids in the latest gear.

BUT!!!... I agree there are those that struggle just as much as we do despite being on benefits and struggle to clothe/feed their family etc.

However....you must surely agree mamazon that there are also those that are having a quiet laugh and who could work and don't because why the hell should they? Or are you saying that all those on benefits are hard up? I don't think so somehow.

tortoise - I didn't say it was easy - did I? And I did say if I couldn't get that help I'd work around my kids.

Modern life is really quite disturbing.

Not so very long ago, one parent stayed at home to raise their kids. Sure, the mother (for instance) might have worked part time when dh got home, but for the most part, she was at home.

Nowadays, there seems to be a prevailing opinion that mothers who look after their kids 24/7 really ought to be working. You're not a mother anymore ... you're simply unemployed; a drain on the tax payer.

Why? I can't afford nursery fees (not that I'd want to) on the salary I am capable of earning. It makes no financial sense at all for me to take a full time job.

We get a small amount of family tax credit per week, but that's it. We scrape by. But jeez, if you're a single mum, I don't really see that you have too many options.

OJ - point taken.

because the attitudes expressed in this thread are incredibly offensive.

of course there are some who abuse the system. but this thread wasn't about those who abuse the system, it was about SMOB's.

if someone is abusing teh system report them, do not judge us all by the same standard.

as for what you THINK their lifestyle is, as i have stated before a car measn nothing, you have no idea how or when they got that, holidays? how do you know they dont have friends or family who live abroad>? how do you know they are going anywhere exotic at all, could just be some caravanning holiday in a field in kent for all you know.
clothes - my children have a few designer items, they cost me no more than £1 each at car boots and boot sales, btu you wouldn't know that from just lokoing at them walking down the street.

you dont KNOW they have money, you ASSUME they do

Try going to a job interview as a single parent.

"So, Miss Colditz, do you have children?"

"Yes I have a one year old and a four year old"

"Ohhh, you have your hands full then... So your partner will be looking after them while you work?"

"Well, I don't have a partner but will use a reliable form of child care."

"Thank you. You'll be hearing from us soon"

Then, if they are decent, I will hear from them in the next few hours "Sorry, we really need someone who can be flexible around our needs" (don't we all, dear!) and if not, I won't hear from them.

I can do

care assistant
waitressing
shop work (with training, that is to say I can't but apply anyway)
kitchen work
bar work (with training - see above)
cleaning
factry work

I have never once been offered set, defined hours. Waitressing, bar work, kitchen work, care work and cleaning is all evening work and I need a baby sitter - I don't have a baby sitter. I did a few of these jobs when p was still here, it is SO much easier when you know someone is there to look after those children. Factory work starts at 6 round here - it's a dairy area. No childminder will get up at 5 and I will not get my reception aged child up at half past four. I have applied for shop job after shop job after shop job. Nobody wants me. They want an 18 year old who will be quicker to learn, easier to bully, far more flexible and cheaper to pay.

I try and try and try ... I have a job offer right now, but the place was supposed to open in November, and now won't be opening until next year.

Which is fine, I don't mind waiting, it's not the end of the world and it's not a case of work or starve ... thank God. but it has taken me 9 months to find a job. I'm not dim, have no criminal record and did well in my GCSE's, can string a sentence without swearing and can add up accurately with a piece of paper, have previous work experience including some supervisory. What hope do those who have never worked, never got a good education and may have a criminal record have?

Not really ok inthegutter. You said this earlier:

"For example, there is a woman along my street who has split from her partner who chooses not to work. Her kids are 12 and 9 and in school all day for god's sake! She clearly has a standard of living that many two parent working families would not be able to afford: she runs a car, has holidays, regular shopping trips and beauty treatments. And please don't tell me I don't know all the facts, because she's quite upfront about it!!"

Now assuming she's in receipt of benefits AND receiving more than £10 per week in maintenance from the father then you would be justified in reporting her for benefit fraud.

If however she's in receipt of benefits and maintenance that the government say she's entitled to then what the hell has it got to do with you whether she works or not or how she spends her money?

agree with mamazon, and latest gear can easily be bought on ebay, no crime in owning a car. as for holidays...well we had a holiday when i was on benefit..in a caravan in wales, owned by my mum.

anyone who is envious of a single mum on benefits, please try it.

Im a qualified Social worker with teh ability to earn anything up to 40k a year.

but i can't because my Ds is autistic and i need to be able to collect him from school if he is having a bad day.
i have a 3 year old who is not yt at school or nursary.

i have no family nearby who are capable of caring for them whilst i am at work. my father is disabled and my mother suffers crippling depression which can often cause weeks of agraphobia....they also still have 5 of their own children at home.

but maybe i am just lazy as i am fit and physically able to work

mamazon - OK I see your point but like you've already stated 'of course there are those that abuse the system' - so you do agree then? I rest my case.

We had a holiday 4 nights at Haven booked through the Sun newspapers holiday promotion!
My dc are all well dressed but the clothes mainly come from charity shops.

Bectheneck - because the system is a fecking joke that's why! I actually said earlier - you don't need to fiddle the system, the system is crap enough! THAT'S WHAT I OBJECT TO. THAT PEOPLE (NOT NECESSARILY SINGLE PARENTS, JUST PEOPLE) CAN CHOOSE TO NOT WORK EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE QUITE CAPABLE OF HOLDING DOWN A JOB,AND LIVE A COMFORTABLE ENOUGH LIFE STYLE TO HAVE NO INCENTIVE TO WORK. IT'S A KICK IN THE TEETH TO THOSE OF US WHO HAVE NO CHOICE ABOUT PAYING FOR THESE SCROUNGERS! ok??!!

You rest your case then MALO. never mind the steaming heaps of shame you have piled upon the most vulnerable, you get to rest your case and that's what matters.

That's really interesting, Kerry. The US, being such a huge place, probably has many pockets where that scenario would and does occur.

I remember reading, about four years ago, an article about small town America where they had a large population on the dole, but plenty of jobs. So, they stopped all benefit payments, and within a few weeks, everybody got a job .. and they were (perhaps for the benefit of the press) all very grateful for the kick up the arse.

That proved to be an fruitful social experiment, but it was largely down to the area they targeted. I can't see it happening in downtown New York or New Orleans ... hence the horrible situation you've just described.

so i am a scrounger as well then inthegutter? thanks for that.

MALO - yes there are those who abuse teh system,. they claim benefits they are nto entitled to, work whilst claiming, have partners but claim they are single etc etc.

single parents who struggle through on teh benefits they are entitled to are not fiddling anyone.

dont you think that some of us know this? that people abuse the system? i DO know. ive seen it. however, i do not want to lumped in with them. its incredibly frustrating and hurtful to know that i am/was seen as just another waster/scrounger.

feck me, the title of this thread is deeply upsetting.