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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids peeing in public AIBU

217 replies

yasmin0147 · 01/04/2021 09:19

Just wondering If I was being unreasonable or not, bit of back story, when I am waiting outside the preschool pretty much every morning, a child needs the loo and the mums let their boys pee behind the bins (that we all stand next to in line before the kids go in) this is making me really angry for some reason, I won’t let my son do this at all, and make him wait.
Am I being unreasonable?
How I see it is you wouldn’t be allowed to pee like that as an adult and it’s a bad habit to teach your kids.
Imagine them doing that when they are a bit older, they could get into trouble.

YABA- they are kids, get over it

YANBA- it’s a bad thing to teach your kids because they aren’t actually allowed to do that when they get older.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/04/2021 18:57

yea but the parents should get the kids to do it before leaving the house, how long are they outside the building? At most 15 mins, bit of a difference than people being out for hours and a good bit from hom you must live v close to your school if you're only out 15 minutes. We finish at 3.10, even if we come home directly it's normally 3.45 we get in, and they've already had to sit at their desks with coats on for 5 minutes before we get there

I8toys · 01/04/2021 19:02

I had someone let their kids pee on our bushes in our garden. We are on the school run street. This was in full view of the street - next to their car and a drain and could have nipped back to the use the school toilets but no used my garden.

Moonface123 · 01/04/2021 19:03

I find this a bit strange, ok if just odd time but lots doing it regularly?
Is there an issue with pre school not allowing kids to go to the toilet near home time ?
I know my son nearly had an accident once when he was older because teacher wouldn't allow.him to leave classroom,.He had to wait until break and he had a stomach bug.
It doesn't bother me in slightest if l see a young child having to go toilet in public, if they have to go the th have to go.

notanothersaveusername · 01/04/2021 19:15

Went to the park all day yesterday. Bought McDonalds for lunch. Park - no toilets. McD - toilets closed. Sometimes kids just can't wait.

He calls it his alfresco wee.

Sandsnake · 01/04/2021 19:18

Woods / behind a bush - absolutely fine. Behind a bin - absolutely not, with occasional exception for very young child. This applies to both sexes, girls can wee outside too. I actually think the skill of a (appropriately placed) wild wee is a very valuable one.

Drunkenmonkey · 01/04/2021 19:21

@Sandsnake so what would you do if you were outside the nursery and it wasn't open and your 3 year old said they were desperate for a wee? Just let them wet themselves?

MinnieJackson · 01/04/2021 19:23

Last week at the park there was a 6 year old boy playing and his mum was chatting to her friend. I saw him run up to her and grab his crotch but he was obviously bursting and she didn't notice, so he just pulled his pants down and pee'd through the gap in the railings onto the grass Smile she leapt out of her seat so fast when she noticed

cookiecreampie · 01/04/2021 19:25

I think it's fine if it's done discreetly when there's no other option. Better that than they wet themselves.

jessstan2 · 01/04/2021 21:35

[quote Drunkenmonkey]@Sandsnake so what would you do if you were outside the nursery and it wasn't open and your 3 year old said they were desperate for a wee? Just let them wet themselves?[/quote]
I'd make sure they went before leaving home. If they wanted to go again when they got the nursery they could surely wait a minute.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/04/2021 21:38

I'd make sure they went before leaving home. If they wanted to go again when they got the nursery they could surely wait a minute. That's avoiding the qn. What if they were desperate to to 5 minutes from school, and you know that when you get there it'll be another 5 minutes to get in through the gates, all the way down to the classrooms, coat off etc before they can go to the loo? So at least 10 minutes and they're at the holding their parts and jiggling

Drunkenmonkey · 01/04/2021 22:38

Let's be honest, life isn't always that simple with kids, you might have three kids to get out the door, one says he doesn't need the toilet but then decides he does half way to nursery. What do you do? Let him wet himself? Why? Why let the kid suffer because of other judgemental parents. People need to lighten up and accept that children aren't perfect and are still learning, which is completely normal. A child doesn't have to have a hidden condition to be caught short needing the toilet. Our fear of social judgement can actually have a detrimental impact on children, being kept in nappies for far longer than necessary for example, which can actually hinder potty training.

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 04:17

@SleepingStandingUp

I'd make sure they went before leaving home. If they wanted to go again when they got the nursery they could surely wait a minute. That's avoiding the qn. What if they were desperate to to 5 minutes from school, and you know that when you get there it'll be another 5 minutes to get in through the gates, all the way down to the classrooms, coat off etc before they can go to the loo? So at least 10 minutes and they're at the holding their parts and jiggling
Can most children (not babies obviously) not hold on to their urine for ten minutes? I thought this was school, not nursery. I'd understand if they were not long out of nappies but they are small children. Ten minutes isn't very long. Learning to control your bladder is very important. However why not get to the school just as it is opening so there is no hanging about outside?

Peeing behind the bins isn't on, apart from the smell it encourages rats. It's different if you are out somewhere in the country, or on a long car journey, and have to go behind a bush or in the woods, most of us have done that at some time or another.

LaBellina · 02/04/2021 06:27

Peeing behind the bins isn't on, apart from the smell it encourages rats. It's different if you are out somewhere in the country, or on a long car journey, and have to go behind a bush or in the woods, most of us have done that at some time or another.

I think almost nobody would say peeing in the woods is unreasonable but peeing behind bins, in full sight of others, an area others probably have to clean? Can’t believe some posters think that’s ok and I wonder how they would react if someone was peeing behind their bin in their garden or on their driveway. I bet they wouldn’t be ok with that but apparently soiling the nursery’s property is acceptable in some cases Hmm.

drpet49 · 02/04/2021 06:32

* It’s always boys who couldn’t possibly hold it in. The girls seem to all manage fine.*

Exactly this. The boy is doing this everyday. He isn’t caught out on a spur of the moment.

RowanAlong · 02/04/2021 07:27

At preschool age they can’t hold it long, and it’s perfectly ok to let them wee outside...pref somewhere away from other people though! Bit grim behind the bins where people wait. Depends on the location - if it’s a town is there a public loo, alley or park with handy hedges close by? Guessing not. Drain? 🤣 Travel potty would be best obviously.

If rural it’s definitely a bit easier to find a quiet track or a hedge to wee in. Re previous poster with poo in the woods, travel potty is definitely handy, but both mine have been caught out when I’ve forgotten to bring it, and had a poo in a hedge before. We live very rurally, and I think that’s a fairly normal (as in, not regular, but not surprising) experience for parents with small children living where I am, out on long walks with no public toilets close by!

SleepingStandingUp · 02/04/2021 07:39

Can most children (not babies obviously) not hold on to their urine for ten minutes? I thought this was school, not nursery. I'd understand if they were not long out of nappies but they are small children we at our school we have kids starting in nappies so logically lots just out of nappies at one point or another because we take kids from 2 not 5. Not to mention you don't know at what age individual kids toilet train and no it isn't because they have lazy parents.

Ten minutes isn't very long well we're talking at least and then being able to hold it well enough whilst you get everything down and onto the loo. And if there's a risk that you don't think your kid WILL manange that do you risk it knowing they'll then be in spare knickers and trousers all day and at risk of other kids teasing? Or AS A ONE OFF do you let them go outside? I concede if it's the same kid everyday it's become a habit and I'd at least be finding somewhere suitable before we got near school if the journey is that long, because some kids do have commutes of 30+m on public transport / walking.

Learning to control your bladder is very important totally agree. The school queue isn't the place to test it though

However why not get to the school just as it is opening so there is no hanging about outside? Lots of schools currently have staggered starts so if you're at the back of the queue, even though it's open, tough. Our buses are regular but also regularly late so you always have to err on the side of cautious and aim early which could mean waiting around for other classes to go in.

I'm not saying every parent has one of those reasons, I'm saying you don't know and for every last parent who likes letting their kid pee up a bin, there will be far more exasperated he needs to go NOW despite your best efforts and school won't rush him in etc.

CuntyMcBollocks · 02/04/2021 12:29

Me and my 6yo DD go for long walks in the countryside, and if she is desperate for a wee, I'll take her discreetly somewhere, rather than let her wet herself. I can't see the big deal about it if it's a one off now and then

jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 15:38

I didn't know pre-school took children in nappies. Oh well, maybe it is understandable but I think, not behind the bins.

SleepingStandingUp · 02/04/2021 16:10

@jessstan2

I didn't know pre-school took children in nappies. Oh well, maybe it is understandable but I think, not behind the bins.
Lots of kids aren't toilet trained at 2
jessstan2 · 02/04/2021 17:13

There weren't pre-schools when mine was small; he started proper school, a sort of Kindergarten class, at 3 but was 4 in October. For the first term did mornings only, after that full days.

We had 'play groups' for children 2 and up, where they went a couple of mornings a week, but they had to be toilet trained.

Times change and I'm obviously not up to date.

It's interesting, thanks.

DarkMatterA2Z · 02/04/2021 17:25

Totally beside the point of the thread, but there seems to be a huge amount of pressure amongst certain groups of parents to potty train their children by 2 regardless of whether they are ready or not. I remember shopping with a good friend and her toddler just before the first lockdown last year and, despite apparently being "potty trained", the poor little thing had two accidents while we were out, which he was told off for, and had to be hastily changed in a quiet corner of the shop. Apparently he had accidents most days at nursery as well.

PerspicaciousGreen · 02/04/2021 17:34

Totally different if it's the same children every day vs if completely different children happen to not be able to hold it on a long school run on an individual day.

My two year old son once weed in the corner of an above ground Tube station platform. Not our finest hour, but a dog travelling on the tube could have done the same. We make him have a "final sit" ("but I don't need a wee!" "You don't have to wee but you do have to sit... oh, look at that! A wee!") before we leave the house but DH and I each thought the other one had done it that day and we were fifteen minutes into an hour long journey. I thought it better to get off the train and have him wee on the platform than to finagle containers etc on the crowded train!

But I wouldn't be doing that every Tube journey!

By the way, I think a SheWee should be standard potty training equipment for girls so they have have emergency al fresco wees.

PerspicaciousGreen · 02/04/2021 17:42

Reading a few posts saying "why can't they just hold it?" ... Having recently potty trained a child, there is an awkward period where they can do the bladder bit OK but not do the awareness/planning bit. My son can't tell the time, so if he says he needs to go then I can't just say "What, right now or can you hold it for ten minutes?" because he doesn't know what ten minutes is and is not a good judge of whether he can hold it or not. You just can't get a sensible, reliable answer on that out of a three year old and I'd rather not take my chances on him wetting himself.

DissociativeBitch · 02/04/2021 17:43

I see OP hasn't replied...

It depends the age of these children.
Under 6 is ok, they're just not always able to hold it. It's really not ok to force them to wait and potentially have an accident.

toocold54 · 02/04/2021 17:47

Some people have small/weak bladders so need to pee and can’t hold it. Dogs, cats, foxes etc piss up everything all the time so it would bother me that much but if it’s a regular occurrence I feel they need to sort something else out as it’s not always possible to go.