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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids peeing in public AIBU

217 replies

yasmin0147 · 01/04/2021 09:19

Just wondering If I was being unreasonable or not, bit of back story, when I am waiting outside the preschool pretty much every morning, a child needs the loo and the mums let their boys pee behind the bins (that we all stand next to in line before the kids go in) this is making me really angry for some reason, I won’t let my son do this at all, and make him wait.
Am I being unreasonable?
How I see it is you wouldn’t be allowed to pee like that as an adult and it’s a bad habit to teach your kids.
Imagine them doing that when they are a bit older, they could get into trouble.

YABA- they are kids, get over it

YANBA- it’s a bad thing to teach your kids because they aren’t actually allowed to do that when they get older.

OP posts:
GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 01/04/2021 09:58

It can sometimes be necessary in the case of small children, who can become so absorbed in what they’re doing that they ignore earlier signs and need to go now.

But older children shouldn’t need to, certainly not on a routine basis.

TheKeatingFive · 01/04/2021 09:59

If it has become routine, then no, that’s not great.

However small children getting caught out from time to time is inevitable.

Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 10:00

Presumably because of covid regs, the children are having to queue without access to a toilet?
When my DT were small, DS, who drank a lot of water, milk etc, must have watered every flower bed in town. The drive to Kindergarten took all of 15 minutes, but we regularly had to stop in a lay by for him to wee. DD now, she was like a camel, could store it all day.
If the smell is a problem, someone could chuck a couple of buckets of water on the wall.

ScarfaceCwaw · 01/04/2021 10:01

I think behind the bins outside a preschool isn't great. It won't get washed away, it'll smell, and there is a toilet in the building. It shouldn't become a routine.

That said, I don't have an issue with children peeing outside in a bush etc if no toilet available. One of our local playparks has no toilet accessible, in several others the toilets are still completely closed so if you're going to take young children there, at some point you're going to end up taking them into the bushes for a pee.

If you've never peed outside as an adult then I think you've led either a fairly sheltered or fairly urban life. I've been on a number of treks, Duke of Edinburgh expeditions etc where there simply isn't a toilet, possibly for hours, and you find a tree or a wall and do what you gotta do. Young children have small bladders and can't necessarily hold on for half an hour while you get them to a toilet.

Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 10:01

Just seen it’s only preschool! They are babies!

Sobloodyexhausted · 01/04/2021 10:02

Kids can get caught out but why doesn’t she carry a container for them to pee in case if it’s happening a lot? I’m a mum of two boys and I always keep a couple of empty 2L plastic water bottles with lids in the car just in case.

lavenderlou · 01/04/2021 10:06

Behind a tree on a long walk where there are no loos - fine. Behind the bins outside pre-school - not fine. Most children are unlikely to travel that far for pre-school so if they are toilet trained they should be able to go before they leave and wait until they get there. In the situation above, why doesn't the parent just leave the house a few minutes later so the pre-school is open when they arrive and the child can go straight to the toilet?

tenlittlecygnets · 01/04/2021 10:07

If they go for a wee right before they leave home for preschool, then can go to the loo in preschool, how long do are they without access to a loo? Sounds a bit grim.

tenlittlecygnets · 01/04/2021 10:07

I also think it's ok to wee in a forest out on a walk but not in a town/preschool situation...

bluebluezoo · 01/04/2021 10:09

Small children can't just hold it it's not possible

Yet it appears the girls are holding it, it’s just the boys that are being allowed to pee behind bins Hmm

apalledandshocked · 01/04/2021 10:09

As a one of, for young children, its fine. If the alternative is they wet their pants then you are still going to end up with urine on the street AND wet clothes. But all the time/for convenience is horrible. I had an ex who used to pee alfresco all the time. He didnt have any medical conditions other than a small bladder and used to do this even when there are alternatives available (e.g. we could go into a cafe and use there loos but he couldnt be bothered/didnt want to pay 50 to do so). Really really put me of. It also annoys me no end that there are ugly smelly male urinals all over the city centre - to deal with the problem of men pissing everywhere. 1. They still piss everywhere. 2. Its actually against the law to piss everywhere, if I did as a woman I would be fined (and there arent free public toilets where I live. So if you need the loo you have to pay. But because men do it all the time regardless they get rewarded with free urinals. So the reward for breaking the rules is everyone panders to you

minipie · 01/04/2021 10:10

Why wouldn’t the parent knock on the pre school door and ask to be let in to use the loo? We used to do this all the time if a child couldn’t wait while queuing outside.

BrilliantBetty · 01/04/2021 10:12

I don't think she should be allowing this. Wait until they get inside to use the loo? Or bring a potty and empty it somewhere more suitable? Like down a drain or discreetly in a bush. The area around the bins will begin to smell like old urine.

shouldistop · 01/04/2021 10:14

Seems a bit odd if they've gone before they leave the house unless they have a very long journey.
I've had to let my 4yo pee outside a handful of times.
Is it the same boy each time? Maybe he has a medical condition.

shouldistop · 01/04/2021 10:15

YABA or YANBA Grin what does the A at the end stand for?

kittycat863 · 01/04/2021 10:18

Dogs do it, and society shrugs it off. I mean, it's gross, and it's better if it never happens, but it's worse for the child to pee their pants and have to make a scene out of changing the clothes, especially outside in the cold.

TheOrigRights · 01/04/2021 10:19

YANBU
The pre-school probably has a pre-requisite that the children are toilet trained.
If they've had a long journey e.g. a pre-school near where parent works rather than home, then the parent should preempt the issue and carry a potty.
I think it's fine to teach your kids what to do if they get caught short, but that it's really not something to think of as just something you do when you only need to wait a little while.

Starrylight · 01/04/2021 10:20

@bluebluezoo Exactly! It does always seem to be 'young boys' vs girls when this happens? So either girls are genetically born with better natural piss holding capacity? 🤔 Or it's a 'thing' that parents feel it's more suitable for boys to 'have a quick wee outside'? Or young girls will tend to hold it more until a toilet is available because that's what they've been 'expected/taught to do'? I definately don't think peeing outdoors when/where you 'can't wait' is encouraged in the same way for both sexes.

shouldistop · 01/04/2021 10:21

Well it's physically easier for boys to pee outside I suppose.

RedToothBrush · 01/04/2021 10:22

@bluebluezoo

Small children can't just hold it it's not possible

Yet it appears the girls are holding it, it’s just the boys that are being allowed to pee behind bins Hmm

The routine is to piss behind the bins rather than do the whole "go for a wee before we leave the house" routine.

All these kids with remarkably small bladders that can't cope for a whole 15 mins, even at that age, possibly need to be seeing a doctor to see what the problem is rather than the parental routine and expectations...

And as above, it's not as if the girls have bigger bladders. Its just they are held to different standards than the girls.

Its not a hike. Its not a long walk. Its 15 mins. How will they learn its fucking disgusting behaviour that should be avoided as grown men, when they are taught its ok to piss behind the bins as kids because they hadnt thought to go for a piss before leaving the pub etc?

Honestly its just fucking lazy. And if its that much of a problem then why aren't they still in bloody pullups?

TheOrigRights · 01/04/2021 10:23

[quote Starrylight]@bluebluezoo Exactly! It does always seem to be 'young boys' vs girls when this happens? So either girls are genetically born with better natural piss holding capacity? 🤔 Or it's a 'thing' that parents feel it's more suitable for boys to 'have a quick wee outside'? Or young girls will tend to hold it more until a toilet is available because that's what they've been 'expected/taught to do'? I definately don't think peeing outdoors when/where you 'can't wait' is encouraged in the same way for both sexes.[/quote]
I actually think this is true. Physiologically I believe females are able to hold on longer than males.

Sunhoop · 01/04/2021 10:26

I too hate this! I always feel it's one of the first steps of ingratiating male entitlement "just piss anywhere you want son" ugh.

I would never let my DC do it. It's disgusting of nothing else.

Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 10:27

I do think small boys are less able to hold it, certainly the case, as I said, with my boy/girl twins. I don’t believe its because we expect girls to hold it for modesty or whatever. If small ds had a drink with his breakfast, plus milk on his cereal, he would need a couple of wees before Kindergarten.

Sunhoop · 01/04/2021 10:27

Yes small children can hold it for a few minutes, mine can anyway and often have to.

Knitterbabe · 01/04/2021 10:29

@Sunhoop

I too hate this! I always feel it's one of the first steps of ingratiating male entitlement "just piss anywhere you want son" ugh.

I would never let my DC do it. It's disgusting of nothing else.

Bollicks
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