Should NRP use all of their annual leave to have their children more?

[SpongebobNoPants]

Is it reasonable to expect the NRP to use every day of their annual leave to have their kids?
Situation is NRP has children EOW and 1-2 times a week for dinner, every bank holiday weekend, and time off for RP to go on solo holiday twice a year.
RP is a STAHP to 2 secondary aged children.

YABU - NRP should use all of their holiday allowance to have the kids more
YANBU - NRP can use annual leave for a few personal days too

Guessing you are NRP?

Is STAHP working from home? Does nrp have time to holiday solo?

No I’m actually a RP

If they are secondary kids do you actually need to use annual leave to have them?!

I think it depends on lots of things - level of contact, personal health and circumstances, when/how you can take your annual leave (as some jobs are quite limiting in that respect) etc etc.

STAHM hasn’t worked for 3 years.
NRP hasn’t had a holiday without his kids for over a decade

My ex doesn’t work yet still won’t have our kids so good luck with that one!

NRP isn't obliged to take the kids on holiday but should have kids over some of the school holidays.

@sunflowersandbuttercups contact is as stated in the OP. Also kids are old enough to come and go from NRP as they please. Pop in for dinner etc when they want.

If RP gets to go on holiday solo twice a year then I think NRP should be 'allowed' to have at least one solo holiday a year. Although I don't know why anyone would be so desperate to go on holiday without their kids, if you were still together surely you'd always take your kids with you.

I think it's fair for the NRP to be allowed holiday time without the children. Secondary age children don't need constant supervision.

Does STAHP mean that you don't work? What is the actual issue?

@RedGoldAndGreene he’s having them the first week of the summer holiday, 2 weeks in the summer, most of the Christmas break every year.
Plus normal weekends and all bank holidays.

My XH is the NRP. I wouldn’t want him to use all his leave to have the DC... but that’s because I miss them when they aren’t here and love spending time with them.
I guess if I viewed my DC as a workload to be shared out I’d feel differently.

Is this your OH or you?

@SpongebobNoPants

STAHM hasn’t worked for 3 years. NRP hasn’t had a holiday without his kids for over a decade

My parents never had a holiday without me until I was seventeen or so. I think it's fairly normal to dedicate all your annual leave to your children.

The NRP in this scenario has EOW to themselves so there's nothing stopping them going away for a long weekend - either in this country or even in Europe.

It's more nuanced than that but not I wouldn't expect ex to use all their leave.

Surely he can agree what weeks he has the kids, and then decide separately when to take his annual leave? If his leave doesn't stretch to all the times he has the kids and his solo holiday plans, then they come for a week or two while he's working and he sees them in the evenings only, or he books them into holiday clubs if they're too young to be left all day. It's perfectly reasonable to expect him to have them half the school holidays. Not at all reasonable for anyone to dictate what he does with them when they're there or that he can't work when they're in his care.

I don't use all my holiday to spend with my child who lives with me so I think an nrp shouldn't be different as long as they're spending regular time and some holidays together.

It sounds like the holidays have been split fairly half with NRP and half with RP so I’m not sure why it is a problem. The NRP can always pay for holiday clubs/childcare if they don’t want to use their holiday to cover their share of the school holidays.

That sounds an odd arrangement EVERY bank holiday?

But there's no reason why the NRP or RP can't take time to themselves.

I assume that the NRP in this scenario msy actually be the OP's partner?

In any case, it sounds like the RP gets more than enough time to do their own thing - two solo holidays plus all day at home while the kids are at school.

The kids should be able to see more of the NRP if they wish to do so, and the NRP should be available to facilitate this. However, as the kids are teenagers, there isn't any reason why the NRP would need to take leave during holiday periods.

The NRP should be able to use some holiday for themselves as the RP gets tons of time to themselves in any case.

You say RP
But on another thread you say that you have your step children EOW

So situation is NRP is a key worker and was unable to use full annual leave last year due to the pandemic and carried some over which had to be used before the end of the financial year (1st April) so has taken a few days this week off

I'm going to guess you are the OH of the NRP with your own children as RP. It is difficult because you seem to be avoiding clarifying the situation and your post is loaded.

That said , I am RP and Exdh has less contact than yours because of his work hours but No I definitely don't expect him to use all of his annual leave for contact. We ar egrown ups so we discuss what works and what doesn't. Exdh has been working through the pandemic and has had a really rough time. I have been out of work so was clear I didn't expect him to use his annual leave for contact in every case. The man needs a rest too. Everyone does.

However I am going back to work in two weeks and that changes things he is expected to step up as part of him , me and DP. We will all take annual leave to cover school holidays. None is expected to use every single day although I usually do.

You may get better responses if you are upfront about what the dynamics are. I know SP get a rough deal on MN but being coy isn't going to help responses because it is all a bit piecemeal.

@Salarymallory I’m a RP. DP is a NRP