Should NRP use all of their annual leave to have their children more?

[SpongebobNoPants]

Is it reasonable to expect the NRP to use every day of their annual leave to have their kids?
Situation is NRP has children EOW and 1-2 times a week for dinner, every bank holiday weekend, and time off for RP to go on solo holiday twice a year.
RP is a STAHP to 2 secondary aged children.

YABU - NRP should use all of their holiday allowance to have the kids more
YANBU - NRP can use annual leave for a few personal days too

@MzHz

Fuck me, has nobody ever taken a day off? For themselves, to get something specific done, to do something that’s not kid centred every so often?

Only in ML-world is it a crime to take a day off.

I do hope these people realise that to not prioritise yourself or your relationship as adults not only means kids grow up thinking that the world revolves around them only to have the truth crash down upon them, or that couples realise they don’t even know the person they’re married to anymore.

Balance in this stuff is key.

@SpongebobNoPants YANBU, neither is your oh. You know this. You know that his ex is bonkers

A strong response would be an idea. Dp tells his ex that she’s not to come to your home uninvited again, that he’ll see his kids whenever they want to see him but he’s not going to check in with her everytime he decides to book leave or whatever

From now on, all arrangements re the dc need to be between the dc and their dad.

Literally she gets blocked on everything except email, and he only replies if it suits him to.

This is the only way this shit stops tbh.

I couldn't agree more with every word of this.

His kids can surely arrange directly with him at their ages when they want to see him? My dd (14) has been doing this directly with her Dad without my input for the past 2 years or so.

@MzHz

Fuck me, has nobody ever taken a day off? For themselves, to get something specific done, to do something that’s not kid centred every so often?

Only in ML-world is it a crime to take a day off.

I do hope these people realise that to not prioritise yourself or your relationship as adults not only means kids grow up thinking that the world revolves around them only to have the truth crash down upon them, or that couples realise they don’t even know the person they’re married to anymore.

Balance in this stuff is key.

@SpongebobNoPants YANBU, neither is your oh. You know this. You know that his ex is bonkers

A strong response would be an idea. Dp tells his ex that she’s not to come to your home uninvited again, that he’ll see his kids whenever they want to see him but he’s not going to check in with her everytime he decides to book leave or whatever

From now on, all arrangements re the dc need to be between the dc and their dad.

Literally she gets blocked on everything except email, and he only replies if it suits him to.

This is the only way this shit stops tbh.

I don’t have a view on it But it wasn’t one day off It was three days off Just for clarity’s sake!

Because that distinction really matters.....

@Pomp

Because that distinction really matters.....

Yeah. What @Pomp said

Some parents take time off and go away for a long weekend with their spouses while their very own children stay with granny or friends even.

This - if involving step mothers or step fathers somewhere in the mix - suddenly turns into an abominable crime.

Can’t you all see how ridiculous this is?

The kids are with a parent

They see their other parent in his home

The kids SEE that parent as much as they like, choose to say or not to stay over as they wish, are taken to and from school and they’re HAPPY.

This absolute wagon kicks off and incredibly there is some understanding expressed for her.

That’s bonkers.

I wish the animosity towards step parents would just fucking stop.

Or step set ups. This woman has NO right to go hammering on ANYONE’S door.

So many spiteful SM haters on here, it’s pathetic.

@MzHz

Some parents take time off and go away for a long weekend with their spouses while their very own children stay with granny or friends even.

This - if involving step mothers or step fathers somewhere in the mix - suddenly turns into an abominable crime.

Can’t you all see how ridiculous this is?

The kids are with a parent

They see their other parent in his home

The kids SEE that parent as much as they like, choose to say or not to stay over as they wish, are taken to and from school and they’re HAPPY.

This absolute wagon kicks off and incredibly there is some understanding expressed for her.

That’s bonkers.

I wish the animosity towards step parents would just fucking stop.

Well said. I've never known anything like it.

Honestly think he's being reasonable. He has to take the time off or lose it. He took it. She is BU. She has time without kids so he should too. If RP was using all her time off for child care then NRP should be too. If RP has holidays with no kids then so should NRP. I work term time only so I have my DC during holidays but on the odd occasion our breaks don't match, usually Easter!, he takes AL to cover childcare.

She sounds a bit of a Tw*t!! I can’t understand why it’s any of her business that he had time off when arrangements have t changed and the kids were at school. She sounds bitter and like she what’s to control her ex!
It also sounds like he and you spend plenty of time with the children.
If no arrangements have been broken I cannot see why it’s any of her business what your partner does.
And also I wouldn’t be so forth coming in the future to change my arrangements to suit her after she’s behaved like that. Maybe it will help her see that you guys more than support the children. .

I don’t get why anyone wouldn’t see this from yours+DH’s POV. Kid-free holidays are supposed to be one of the ‘perks’ of divorce (if desired) aren’t they?!? Especially as they’re old enough to know what’s going on/make their own minds up so it’s not like she can screw him over if he upsets her.

Why doesn’t he just 1) talk to the kids and then 2) stand up to her ?! Is he worried that they’ll be upset and see it as his ‘other’ kids taking priority?