Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should NRP use all of their annual leave to have their children more?

362 replies

SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 18:09

Is it reasonable to expect the NRP to use every day of their annual leave to have their kids?
Situation is NRP has children EOW and 1-2 times a week for dinner, every bank holiday weekend, and time off for RP to go on solo holiday twice a year.
RP is a STAHP to 2 secondary aged children.

YABU - NRP should use all of their holiday allowance to have the kids more
YANBU - NRP can use annual leave for a few personal days too

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 31/03/2021 19:39

whispers quietly at the back

What’s a NRP and RP?

GappyValley · 31/03/2021 19:40

@FTEngineerM

whispers quietly at the back

What’s a NRP and RP?

Non resident parent Resident parent
breathinfn · 31/03/2021 19:43

FTEngineerM can I join you at the back! I haven't a clue either! 😂

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:44

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss he was doing HIS OWN kids school runs, not mine. I do my own children Hmm

OP posts:
Templetrees · 31/03/2021 19:46

Its rather a strawman argument on the exs part.
If he has to use by 1st April he does that or lose it.
He wasnt able to take it any other time so I dont really see what she is getting at Confused

BungleandGeorge · 31/03/2021 19:47

So he’s having them every other weekend and 3 or 4 weeks of the 13 weeks of school holidays? In answer to your question no it’s not unreasonable to take time off and spend it how he chooses but I think he needs to speak to her and see if he needs to have them more often. I think it’s a difficult situation if the step kids see a lot more of their dad than they do. Giving someone a lift is nothing really but possibly is to them.

LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 19:47

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss he was doing HIS OWN kids school runs, not mine. I do my own children Hmm[/quote]
I think the confusion is because you said he was dropping of the SCs and posters think you mean HIS SCs (i.e., your kids) and not YOUR SCs (i.e., his kids). That's was I thought at first, but it doesn't actually matter either way. None of their mum's business.

LolaSmiles · 31/03/2021 19:47

Non resident parents don't have to use every minute of annual leave to see their children, but they should be doing their fair share over the course of the year and not relying on the fact that (for example) the resident parent will sort out most of the school holidays because NRP only needs to have them EOW / the NRP and their new partner think the sun shines out NRP's bum for graciously doing a few extra days in the holidays.

For all the 'if you say stepmother people hate on you' claims, I think most people when discussing a RP/NRP contact issue start by asking the question 'is the NRP doing their fair share of parenting their children?' and then answer accordingly as to whether the stepparent is unreasonable.

FTEngineerM · 31/03/2021 19:48

Thanks @GappyValley

In that case, your DPs ex seems wild. Especially since he still is doing some of the graft with them coming over for tea/school runs.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:48

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Is it reasonable to expect the NRP to use every day of their annual leave to have their kids?

Why would they NOT?

Sorry, but you sound like 'that' stepmother

Because he wanted a few days to himself, just like their mother does every year.

Also to point out to the poster about my DCs, they’re DCs alone. I don’t expect my Ex to never have a day off to himself.

OP posts:
NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 31/03/2021 19:48

I'm confused Op. Are you a SAHP to secondary age kids or not? In a subsequent post it implies both RP and NRP working but this contradicts the OP.

BungleandGeorge · 31/03/2021 19:49

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@IceCreamAndCandyfloss he was doing HIS OWN kids school runs, not mine. I do my own children Hmm[/quote]
But you said
“She found out as he’s been dropping SCs to and from school and they slip he’s off and she’s turned up shouting abuse at him this afternoon”

Was it step kids or his own kids??

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:50

They’re mum has regular holidays to herself.
We don’t, never have. He has just had a few days to do what he wanted which he had to use before April 1st. Kids are at school

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:51

@BungleandGeorge my SCs, his own kids

OP posts:
Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:52

How would my kids let slip to his ex about anything? His own children hadn’t told her he was picking them up and dropping them off.

OP posts:
Hazel444 · 31/03/2021 19:53

I don't think your DH has done anything wrong. Me and my husband often take days off when the DC to have some time off parenting. I don't know your step children's mother's situation but surely she has time to herself when your DH has his children over? I'm guessing one of them must have additional needs if their mother is a SAHM and they are secondary age?

HelenHywater · 31/03/2021 19:55

It's irrelevant whether the RP is a SAHP or not. I still think that the parents should share the school holidays - your H will just have to suck it up. I bet there aren't many resident or married parents on here who have leave without their kids

She shouldn't have them for more time just because she is a SAHP. In fact the starting point should always (imo) be 50/50 all the time.

I assume the financial settlement is based on the number of days he has them.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:56

@HelenHywater of course it is. And all extras etc come from him.

OP posts:
LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 19:56

@HelenHywater

It's irrelevant whether the RP is a SAHP or not. I still think that the parents should share the school holidays - your H will just have to suck it up. I bet there aren't many resident or married parents on here who have leave without their kids

She shouldn't have them for more time just because she is a SAHP. In fact the starting point should always (imo) be 50/50 all the time.

I assume the financial settlement is based on the number of days he has them.

The OP said they are having the kids all next week while the mum goes on holiday on her own.
BungleandGeorge · 31/03/2021 19:56

@SpongebobNoPants

They’re mum has regular holidays to herself. We don’t, never have. He has just had a few days to do what he wanted which he had to use before April 1st. Kids are at school
If he has them eow then presumably you could have a holiday if you wanted though. Personally I wouldn’t begrudge the mum a couple of holidays when she appears to be doing the lions share of term time and holiday time. I also don’t think it’s unreasonable for you to swap weekends or whatever and have a break. The scenario last week doesn’t sound unreasonable at all if he took his kids to school as usual, shouldn’t be any problem there
HelenHywater · 31/03/2021 19:56

(fwiw my ex packs the kids to his mums for his days in the holidays - it means he doesn't have to do anything, and I get some time off. I don't like it at all, but the children love to go there).

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:57

Why isn’t he allowed a couple of days to himself? Genuine question?
Mum regularly goes on holiday on her own.
Last January 2 weeks in Goa, year before 2 weeks in Ibiza etc

OP posts:
HelenHywater · 31/03/2021 19:57

Yes Lacey - they're having the kids for one of the two weeks in the easter holidays. Half the holidays. That's fair isn't it? It's irrelevant that she's going away.

LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 19:58

What does the mum even want him to do with them right now? They are in school and he is doing drop offs.

Original poster
SpongebobNoPants · 31/03/2021 19:58

If he has them eow then presumably you could have a holiday if you wanted though

I agree... but his ex is saying he shouldn’t use any annual for the kids. He’s literally had 3 days off this week to himself and she’s kicking off

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread