Can't do woman talk? Am I broken?

Pumperthepumper · 31/03/2021 13:42

@viixie

Okay so I'm a grown woman but I just find small talk boring I've never felt like I've fit in.

I've just been for a walk with some female friends and I've always felt like I've never fit in with females. I've always felt like the odd one out. They will chat and gossip about people and work and their lives etc and I don't talk as much. I have always been the quieter one but I find this kind of small talk boring. I feel like I'm there because I have to be to try and seem normal rather than to enjoy myself. It's an effort for me to try and fit in in this conversation. I am aware they are probably doing 70% of the chat and I'm meeting them back with 30% if you see what I mean. If I'm in a group of people I will let the others do most of the talking, I find it draining and uninteresting. Of course I pretend to be interested and try to involve myself but inside I find it draining. I'd rather be at home, I much prefer one on one company where I will then feel comfortable being myself and having a chat. I feel like I never really let anyone know or see the real me unless it's someone close like my partner or close family. I feel I am never fully relaxed or myself with anyone else.

Am I broken? Anyone else?

You just sound like an introvert, which is absolutely fine. Some people do find conversation exhausting, particularly with people they don’t know well.

Do you only have this problem with women though?

Lolalovesmarmite · 31/03/2021 13:43

You’ve basically just described me except that I don’t really bother trying anymore. I just accept that I’m not a people person. I’m not lonely or isolated, I’m very happy, I just prefer my own company.

Original poster

viixie · 31/03/2021 13:46

@Lolalovesmarmite

You’ve basically just described me except that I don’t really bother trying anymore. I just accept that I’m not a people person. I’m not lonely or isolated, I’m very happy, I just prefer my own company.

Do you ever look at people talking and wonder why they find the conversation interesting ? 🤷‍♀️

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ARoseDowntown · 31/03/2021 13:47

Not broken. In fact, I wish there were more people like you in my life

Confusedandshaken · 31/03/2021 13:48

You sound like me and I know I'm very introverted. In fact I think a 70/30 split is good. When I'm with friends it's probably more like 85/15. I don't think it matters. Every group needs listeners as well as talkers.

I'd be more concerned that you find your friends boring. On the whole I'm quite contented listening to my mates talk. Obviously sometimes people can get a bit dull and I might tune out a bit but If I found they were more boring than entertaining most of the time I'd probably look for new friends.

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 31/03/2021 13:50

Is 'woman talk' equivalent to 'trivial chatter'? What about 'man talk'?

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/03/2021 13:50

“Females” don’t all talk about the same things, you know; perhaps this is as much about the friends or acquaintances you keep as anything else, and that you don’t actually have much in common with them so don’t find the conversation productive or interesting.

It’s fine not to enjoy the company of large groups or particular conversations. It’s not a sex thing, except to the extent that women are socialised to think they should gossip and want to gossip more so than men. It’s fine to search out different friends who talk more about the things you like, and also fine not to want many friends.

IndecentFeminist · 31/03/2021 13:51

What is woman chat? Do you struggle with man chat?

therocinante · 31/03/2021 13:51

I'd find it odd if you can't do small talk with women but you can with men. If you can't do it with anyone then you're probably just an introvert or socially anxious, which isn't unusual.

goldielockdown2 · 31/03/2021 13:53

You just don't have anything in common with them, that's all.

ARoseDowntown · 31/03/2021 13:53

I find that a lot of superficial interaction in women’s conversations happens in what isn’t said, in eking out reactions, seeking reassurance, projecting an image etc. I often wonder why they do it because it looks and feels utterly exhausting! So much easier to sit at home with a cuppa in peace and sort through your issues yourself. I have a handful of very close friends, people who I would and do share my deepest intimacies with (not those intimacies). I don’t need anything from them other than enjoyment of shared interests and laughter and fun. They’re one of the best things in my life.

That said, I really admire women who have posses of friends they can call at any time on the off chance they fancy a cocktail and half a dozen will say yes. My friendships are NOT conducive to that at all! All my outings have to be scheduled days or weeks in advance (babysitters, other obligations etc).

Original poster

viixie · 31/03/2021 13:54

Okay I'm going to change 'woman talk' to 'trivial talk' here 🤣 I think women do a lot of he said she said gossip etc. I'm not saying I enjoy male talk either.

Forget that and let's just says I find small talk hard in general

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Original poster

viixie · 31/03/2021 13:55

@ARoseDowntown exactly that, the superficial interaction is hard

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TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 31/03/2021 13:56

‘Woman talk’ -

stackemhigh · 31/03/2021 13:57

It depends on the group, if it's a group of people (male or female) that I have very little in common with, I do find myself withdrawing deeper into myself.

I hate talking about myself, so I'm a pro at getting people to talk about themselves. I work in sales so can usually small talk with men or women.

mishmash13 · 31/03/2021 13:57

Maybe you just need to find a group of people that talk about things that actually interest you? I think being quiet in a group of people you like is fine but being bored/disinterested suggests that you are... bored and disinterested!

someonelockthefridgealready · 31/03/2021 13:57

I was going to say "I don't believe woman talk exists" ...

My experience of social interaction is very much like you describe, @viixie, everyone always said I was introverted, but I had a mid to late-30s diagnosis of ASD and inattentive ADD, so that explained a lot!

toconclude · 31/03/2021 13:58

Why all the drama? 'Broken' is a ridiculous way to put it. As is calling other women 'females'. Men talking about fucking sports is equally tedious. Enjoy your own company and be yourself, not what some social media quiz says all women should be.

Pumperthepumper · 31/03/2021 13:58

@viixie

Okay I'm going to change 'woman talk' to 'trivial talk' here 🤣 I think women do a lot of he said she said gossip etc. I'm not saying I enjoy male talk either.

Forget that and let's just says I find small talk hard in general

If it’s small talk in general you find hard, do you enjoy one-on-one conversations with people you don’t know well? Do you have closer friends who’s conversation you enjoy?

Freyaismyname · 31/03/2021 13:59

Goggle about women masking. I've done it all my life

queenMab99 · 31/03/2021 14:00

I find that I enjoy one to one conversations better, I used to like large groups but I have changed as I age, and just find groups of people, unless meeting with a specific topic in mind, tend to compete with each other for attention.

minipie · 31/03/2021 14:00

Are there conversations you do enjoy (ones you have with your partner for eg)? What are they about? Can you try to find friends who enjoy talking about those things?

I had outdoor drinks with a group of female friends yesterday, and with a different group on Monday. The two conversations were completely different. One was much more “my type of chat” than the other.

toconclude · 31/03/2021 14:01

And don't start assuming you have a diagnosable condition,that just fuels the ' "normal" people are all in a certain narrow range' narrative. They aren't.

toconclude · 31/03/2021 14:05

@Freyaismyname

Goggle about women masking. I've done it all my life

Which doesn't mean it necessarily applies to OP. Not all NT women are trivial chatterers.

Original poster

viixie · 31/03/2021 14:06

@Pumperthepumper yes I much prefer one on one conversation and it doesn't have to be someone I know well. I think in a group I'll sit back and let others do more of the talking but I do try to get involved. I almost feel like people don't notice me sometimes. I could say something and it's almost like what I have said is insignificant compared to what everyone else has to say? 🤔

Generally one on one is fine. Sometimes I do find it hard to think of extra things to talk about when we have been together a while

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