Can't do woman talk? Am I broken?

[viixie]

Okay so I'm a grown woman but I just find small talk boring I've never felt like I've fit in.

I've just been for a walk with some female friends and I've always felt like I've never fit in with females. I've always felt like the odd one out. They will chat and gossip about people and work and their lives etc and I don't talk as much. I have always been the quieter one but I find this kind of small talk boring. I feel like I'm there because I have to be to try and seem normal rather than to enjoy myself. It's an effort for me to try and fit in in this conversation. I am aware they are probably doing 70% of the chat and I'm meeting them back with 30% if you see what I mean. If I'm in a group of people I will let the others do most of the talking, I find it draining and uninteresting. Of course I pretend to be interested and try to involve myself but inside I find it draining. I'd rather be at home, I much prefer one on one company where I will then feel comfortable being myself and having a chat. I feel like I never really let anyone know or see the real me unless it's someone close like my partner or close family. I feel I am never fully relaxed or myself with anyone else.

Am I broken? Anyone else?

@IndecentFeminist

Seditious pockets

This made me laugh. But having witnessed interaction on the FWR board from those clearly infiltrating from other areas of the net - Twitter, Daily Mail comments and Reddit I'd put my money on - that's clearly how MN is seen in wider cyberspace.

Women, how dare fucking women TALK to each other? Burn the witches!

Why are there so many posts on MN about introverts these days? Is being online so much killing the art of conversation?

Are people forgetting how to socially interact with each other in person?

@RampantIvy

Why are there so many posts on MN about introverts these days? Is being online so much killing the art of conversation?

Are people forgetting how to socially interact with each other in person?

I genuinely think people are. I met up with my sister recently and she has had a very isolated lockdown which has made her feel very low at times and she was ecstatic to be meeting but then just kept going on her phone.

Small talk IS boring for a lot of people, as the responses here show. I'm not a huge fan. If you do take the plunge and lead the conversation into something you find more stimulating, chances are at least a couple of your companions are silently saying "Hallelujah!"

All talk - large or small - is boring if it's about something you aren't into. l couldn't care less about Love Island, but l can go on about Game Of Thrones for hours. I'd find an entire walk where people only talked about nuclear fission or Chopin a bit dull too - variety is key to interesting conversation but you can't expect to be rivited all the time! I go on walks with a bunch of wildlife spotters - they chunter about birds, l watch the clouds. It's a balance. If it all gets a bit much just change the subject, and if it's deadly dull all the time - find some different friends!

Quite, a little tolerance for other people's interests goes a long way, especially now when people have been isolated and lonely.

I’m not convinced that friends talking about their lives, work, and people they know is small talk as such. Small talk is more polite chatter about trivia.

Either OP has friends she has nothing in common with or she’s not very interested in other people or she’s not very good at making conversation, or a combination of the above.

Shasta Nelson gives a lot of tips of figuring out conversation, but her reminded me of this thread with ideas on how to 'inspire friends to listen more' which includes handling things like when people talk about TV things you're not interested in so I thought I'd pass it on.

I agree with @Grendalsmum, @Macncheeseballs and @TatianaBis.

I used to be embarrassingly shy, but I never showed disdain towards other people's conversation, which I get the impression that some people do.

When my team at work talk about Love Island I switch off, but contribute to the conversation when it becomes interesting to me. Nothing is interesting to everyone, so I keep quiet or contribute as the case arises.