aibu to suggest signet ring (dh's family) is a bit ...

[Stovetopespresso]

it needs resizing and he was just chatting about going to the jewelers when allowed. I said "or you could just not, maybe it's a sign of privilege and status which isn't very "now"? I meant I as a discussion but he got really hurt and said I'd upset him as it was a sentimental family tradition going back years and how much he is looking forward to giving one to dc when they turn 18. he said I was no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. we are both quite left wing! i was thinking by this time maybe I do want statues chucked in the effing harbour but apologiesd for not taking in to account the sentimental value of his family, both sides of which are a tad colonial if relevant yabu= it's his decision yanabu = it's classist and outdated

Is there some kind of racist or colonial link though the ring?
If it’s just a ring or a family tradition I can’t see the harm in it, or have I not understood?

I agree with him

I loathe signet rings, not because I see them as a sign of privilege but because I think they look tacky, I would hate my 18 year old DC to be given one, for fear they would feel obliged to wear it.

no not racist particularly, I think the colonial suff happened after coat of arms was 'awarded', but isn't I a bit ooh look at me I'm posh, isn't it cooler just to tuck it away in a drawer?

It's a ring with sentimental value to him, it doesn't fit him and you think it's a sign of privilege to get it resized?

How very odd of you

Signet rings are a lovely heirloom and family tradition for many families; the same as passing a wedding or engagement ring down. Family jewellery means a lot to our family, it’s a bit like holding on to a piece of that person.

I think it's fine - preserving harmless traditions is a good thing to do. Save your energy for harmful ones like hunting, jobs for the boys, misogyny, racism.

Is there something intrinsically bad about them that has passed me by?

@leeds2 tacky as in eastenders or tacky as in try-hard? this is a genuine 200 year old job if u know what I mean, dunno if it makes a difference! it shows your family were baronets or something a long time ago.

I think they're so everyday that nobody even notices them. They certainly don't mark someone out as being posh.

I'm assuming you mean a family crest signet ring, as opposed to this type?

Don't you feel a bit odd telling him what he should and shouldn't wear?

It was a bit unkind for you to suggest that in the way you did when you know it’s a personal/sentimental/family thing for him.

@Stovetopespresso

no not racist particularly, I think the colonial suff happened after coat of arms was 'awarded', but isn't I a bit ooh look at me I'm posh, isn't it cooler just to tuck it away in a drawer?

I don’t think anyone is going to think “ooh, look at you, you’re a bit posh”. They’ll think you’re chavvy/tacky.

Nobody actually thinks that signet rings convey any implicit assertion of heritage in this day and age OP. Anyone can and does wear them. It’s up to your male relatives to personally choose what suits them. Dare I say your anti snobbery is a little infra dig ?

@IHaveBrilloHair do you mean do I think so? yes I think inherited wealth and privilege are inhibiting social mobility and a ring could be a stealth boast, almost secret signal that a certain type (of man) gives off to another?
I think we need to change our view of history and what with blm, increased awareness of sexism etc so this ring might be passé

YABU - totally. I swear rarely but seriously, what a load of shit. It's a ring, sentimental value and a family heirloom and, more importantly, it's his and he wants to wear it, it's not your decision.

Does he wear it on his pinky?

My don was honoured and delighted to inherit his grandfather’s signet ring and Claddagh ring. My sister had them cleaned and re-sized for him and he wears them frequently.

Son*

They're not to my taste but I think having a piece of heirloom jewellery is quite lovely. My family has been too poor for that kind of thing (necessity trumps sentiment, valuables were hard to come by and sold in the same generation - money was more useful) but it would be very meaningful to me.

I'm super left leaning and generally find huge displays of wealth a bit tacky, but this doesn't fall into that category for me.

[quote Stovetopespresso]@IHaveBrilloHair do you mean do I think so? yes I think inherited wealth and privilege are inhibiting social mobility and a ring could be a stealth boast, almost secret signal that a certain type (of man) gives off to another?
I think we need to change our view of history and what with blm, increased awareness of sexism etc so this ring might be passé[/quote]
Well l absolutely hope you are taking zero advantage of any aspect of either yours or his family's inherited wealth and will refuse any such part of it given your disdain.

@ThrowingAShellstrop yes on his pinky. maybe I could suggest he turn it in to a Prince Albert

[quote Stovetopespresso]@IHaveBrilloHair do you mean do I think so? yes I think inherited wealth and privilege are inhibiting social mobility and a ring could be a stealth boast, almost secret signal that a certain type (of man) gives off to another?
I think we need to change our view of history and what with blm, increased awareness of sexism etc so this ring might be passé[/quote]
Utter bollocks.

it shows your family were baronets or something a long time ago

Really?

YABU - it wasn’t very nice to rubbish his sentimental family jewellery.

By the way nobody will think someone wearing a signet ring is posh, I think they are generally seen as quite tacky (as in east Enders).