aibu to suggest signet ring (dh's family) is a bit ...

[Stovetopespresso]

it needs resizing and he was just chatting about going to the jewelers when allowed. I said "or you could just not, maybe it's a sign of privilege and status which isn't very "now"? I meant I as a discussion but he got really hurt and said I'd upset him as it was a sentimental family tradition going back years and how much he is looking forward to giving one to dc when they turn 18. he said I was no better than those who want statues removed and history whitewashed. we are both quite left wing! i was thinking by this time maybe I do want statues chucked in the effing harbour but apologiesd for not taking in to account the sentimental value of his family, both sides of which are a tad colonial if relevant yabu= it's his decision yanabu = it's classist and outdated

But why isn't your DP allowed to be proud of his "heritage" (for want of a better word)? Just because his family is/was posh? Surely that's all he is saying with his ring? They will have been some arseholes and some lovely ancestors, just like every family.

My family was dirt poor (unfortunately) for most of my history and there are at least two murderers in my line. I am still proud to be a surname though.

@bytheby "They are no worse than Le Chameau wellies or something"
you can buy those though. and before someone says you can buy these rings that's not my point, the seal on this one can't be bought it's a family 'award' from about 200 years ago

Good lord typed that with my left hand as babe asleep on my right. Typos galore. ‘Without a doubt it does’ that should have said!

I see signet rings as tacky. Never heard of them being a status symbol but all the more reason not to wear one then.

This is hilarious. Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson are not old money in the slightest!

@stovetopespresso it's the second of those - perpetuating a shitty closed system (and shitty is putting it mildly). I think people outside that closed system don't realise just how hard it's shitting on them.

I wear an engraved signet ring on the third finger of my right hand. It was bought for my brother's 18th birthday. He died when he was 19 and I was 18, call me tacky if you like but I really absolutely don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about what Jewellery I'm wearing.

YABU

for being such an hypocrite.

If you reject people with different traditions and values, why are you even with him... He deserves better than someone who believe they are superior and have no respect for his family and family traditions.

I agree with the op. I was due to get one at 21 but turned it down as I don't really like what they represent. It was a proper one, family crest etc, very much a symbol of "old wealth" and status. It all smacked a bit of "we are better than you, plebs" which doesn't sit well with me.

Ironically we no longer have the wealth or the status, but the older generation are hanging on to the appearances...

@Easeljeasel

I’m with you OP. It may not be seen as a signifier old money etc to everyone but without it does to those who know.

thanks, I thought I was being off the wall. It is 100% his decision I just feel life is changing and many of the 'old ways' (gender stereotyping, racism, white people having all the rights, being posh giving you an unfair advantage etc) need to change too

You are waaaay overthinking this.

Honestly, nobody cares one jot whether a bloke wears a signet ring or not.

What woke rubbish. What do you do for an encore? Virtue signal?

Definitively chavvy. Look at Prince Charles, future King of chavs apparently 😂

anyone can wear them nowadays, it's the domain of certain elements of society and just come across s tacky.
an heirloom though, it's his business if he wants to wear it not yours.

Well there you go, I've learned something new.

Your argument appears to be: ‘signet rings are posh and that’s embarrassing. Well yes I know that your father/brother wears one and he is not posh but that doesn’t count. My male relatives wear signet rings and they are posh and nobody could possibly think they were not posh. They have a coat of arms! OH MY GOD it’s so embarrassing!!!’

Ok OP. You’ve married a posh bloke. Congrats. Nobody could possibly confuse him with a less posh chap who also wears a very similar style of ring WHICH IS NOT IN ANY WAY THE SAME!!!!

We get it.

I just feel life is changing and many of the 'old ways' (gender stereotyping, racism, white people having all the rights, being posh giving you an unfair advantage etc) need to change too

and world peace.

don't forget world peace.

I'd love the history and connection to the past. Knowing my ancestors have worn it before me, feels grounding. They lived and died, yet this item carries on. What it signified in the past may not be what it signifies to your DH in the present.

@Joysexrenovation
@stovetopespresso

Yes you are right of course.

I was getting at the point that there is kind of posh person who likes it to be glaringly obvious that they are posh to other posh people. This person would probably wear his/her signet ring and their Le Chameaus... One purchased the other inherited but both have the same desired outcome. Like wearing a hunting jacket to walk around London - a bit ridiculous but no harm done!

CallforHecate

you wrote much better than I did what I was trying to say!

@Fuckingcrustybread

I wear an engraved signet ring on the third finger of my right hand. It was bought for my brother's 18th birthday. He died when he was 19 and I was 18, call me tacky if you like but I really absolutely don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about what Jewellery I'm wearing.

of course that's lovely! this is different though @thevicarstroketwice bit strong but say a lots the wealth did (there's nothing left) come from privilege and colonial stuff? this isn't the case but supposing the status conferred by the crest came from slavery? is that still OK?

I can't imagine this coming up for me as avoid posh privileged people and would never be in a relationship with somone from this background. But suppose it did.. I'd be massively embarrassed to be seen with him wearing this. But I guess posh people don't really understand their privlidge or how damaging they and their backgrounds are to society. So I'm not remotely surprised he doesn't get it.

First I've heard of it. Signet rings remind me of Elizabeth Duke (argos jewellery for those who are too toffy )

It's fine no one thinks its some kind of privilege. Maybe they did in the 1900s but not now. It's just a ring.

I've got a lovely signet ring my late parents got me for my 18th birthday.

I was born and bred in a council house, nowt in the slightest classist or privileged about me.

You are being absurd.

I think you were being awful, what is the obsession with wiping away traditions and history? It's utterly pathetic. Also for those saying its chavvy, you couldn't be further from the truth. It's actually a very upper class thing!